A hazy recollection I did find
In Yesterday, which does not exist.
Confused as I shuffle through cobwebs and dust,
Searching aimlessly for something I missed.
I return to the present or so it did seem.
I can't quite recall if I turned back around,
I know one thing certain, I'm lost in this place,
It's unclear then what's unseen or found.
Anxiously sinking in unknowns as panic pours in
The vessel submerged and timing unclear.
I know that I'm drowning, but can't pinpoint when,
Uncertain if I already survived or if my end draws near.
Disoriented now amidst my own doubts I'm sure.
If this is the past I'm living, I gave all and failed
I tried before, swimming, anchored by expectation,
The pain then not worth falsely assumed prevail.
That's it then, if unwilling to gamble unknown,
Everything then I gave only for agony returned,
Why try? I'll drift in hope this haze weakens the blow,
I already know if I try I will fail in experience I learned.
I learned, so I say, yet back now embracing destruction?
Experience can be a life changer, or it can be an end.
I close my eyes now, let go of what I thought I knew
I let anxiety drift with my thoughts into the wind.
As I focus my breath I find a calm serene known,
Each breath exhales negative and inhales offer zen.
I notice now with eyes closed, the things I'd not before,
As I release doubt I refuse to return to where I had been.
I can feel my body rocking, as the waves effortlessly aide,
Like an infant safely cradled, I trust the process unique.
For this already is different than my previous trial,
I float carried by the waves that once let me sink.
I fought against them before thinking they were trying to harm,
So determined I knew they would only try and defeat,
Convinced this was sole truth I only focused on this one thing,
Eyes wide open then, yet blind, I fought myself in defeat.
I recognize too, even though now with closed eyes,
How peaceful to understand, trust the process is key,
And when I feel I am ready, with fear now gone far away
Eyes open once more, but this time I actually see.
Possibilities emerge from what once seemed unalterable past,
Once dull sealed endless walls each now holds a different door,
Mistakes are all missing, opportunities for growth in their place
The Present Moment, the universal key I'll be sure not to lose anymore.
I once thought the past an unalterable thing,
I now see through experience this time is untrue,
If I take something like this which I only knew to be pain,
Now seen as empowering growth, well that's new!
Any experience I once deemed one way once assumed beyond control,
I understand by taking my key, the present moment, and keeping it here,
I can leave a mistake there to fester and create doubt and shame,
Or I can pick it up as opportunity, a strength, and chance to steer.
