Self-Defeatist

by Tara Maxfield

I wanted to catch a shooting star,

And ensure it would be all mine.

But the distance was just too far,

And I would’ve gotten lost in time.

I wanted to rope a wild horse,

And cloister it in my stable.

But it was too arduous a course,

And I just wasn't sure I was able.

I wanted to be a regal queen,

And wear a crown upon my head.

But it was a fretful, worrisome thing,

And I was overwhelmed and filled with dread.

I wanted to run with the wolf pack,

And join them to howl at the moon.

But I would just hold them back,

And that would ensure their doom.

I wanted to soar like an eagle,

And below me see a world so small.

But none of them could I equal,

And from the sky I would just fall.

I wanted to be anything great,

Anything besides being authentically me.

And in my attempts to live my life as a fake,

I regretably silenced the she that was me.

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This poem, while dark and brooding, was my way of processing some emotions and regrets from my younger years. I feel like because I spent so much time trying to be who I thought others wanted me to be that I missed out on some opportunities and paths that I would've benefited from. I eventually did decide to just be myself which improved my life dramatically before it was too late.
My poetry is typically dark and brooding. I just don't do rainbows and unicorns very much. But there's no cause for concern. I'm just working things out.
My love to my readers! I hope you find my writing relatable in some way and that you can see my truths.
Tara

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Reflection

Self-Defeatist

by Tara Maxfield

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