Joe Lewis was a graduate student at NYU working on a comparative literature MFA degree.  He was juggling being a TA, taking classes, and working part-time at the University’s ESL program as a teacher.  He was also wrestling with dealing with the fact that he was gay, although he had not been with a man yet, having tried to fight off the temptation and had a couple of failed romances with girls to show for it.  

Due to his upbringing in a conservative Christian church, he had a lot of internal conflicts over his desire to be with a man.  

His parents were conservative Christian fundamentalists from upstate NY and had opposed him going to “Godless NYC” which they called “Sodom” to study, so he had to finance it himself through loans, scholarships, and his TA duties and ESL teaching duties.  Still, he managed to get by.  He knew he had to do something about his desires, but what? 

He had to tell his parents, Edward Lewis who ran an auto repair shop, his mother, Sara Morgan, who worked for a Christian school, and his two brothers, both of whom were also Trump supporters.

He was dreading those conversations when he met the love of his life, Se-yon Kim, who had taken an English named Sam Kim in his ESL classes.  Sam Kim was a graduate student in the international affairs department, but he had to take six months of ESL first before he would be fully admitted, he was taking two courses plus ESL classes. 

His parents were Christian as well, his father was a Christian pastor who was involved in the ongoing battles against expanding LGBTQ rights in Korea.  He did not know what his mother felt as his mother always went along with his husband’s opinion.  His younger brother, Changwon Kim, was in the Korean military about to be discharged and would be joining him soon to study in the U.S.

But Sam had a secret too.  He realized that he was attracted to men, although he had not yet told anyone about that, other than his younger brother and sister who were supportive and urged him to out himself to his parents and relatives. He was also dreading coming out to his family, especially since Korean society, in general, was quite intolerant although lately, K Dramas were beginning to show LGBTQ characters. 65 percent opposed same-sex relations according to the latest polling but that was a bit of an improvement, it was 80 percent a few years ago. He was secretly reading LGBTG chat rooms in Korean but was lurking for now, feeling ashamed for feeling that way. In short, he was a complete mess psychologically speaking and horny as hell, as he just did not want to get involved with a woman, especially after his disastrous affair with Maria Lee, who had left him when she became a lesbian. She told him she knew he was gay and should come out, but it was over with them.

When Joe walked into his new ESL class and saw Sama time, he knew that he was the one, and as Koreans say, “sparks flew from heart to heart.” (Ishimchonshim)

As class broke up, he asked Sam to join him for coffee.  Sam and Joe went to a coffee shop nearby.

Joe said,

“Sam, I don’t know quite what to say but I have a problem that perhaps you can help me with.”

“Okay”

“I am gay but I have not yet been with a man.  I just realized that a few months ago after another failed romance with a girl.  My parents are Trump supporters and would freak out if they knew, and my brothers would as well.  I know that I have to tell them but don’t know how. What would you advise?”

Sam smiled,

“Well, I understand.  I too have been wrestling with the same issue. My father is a pastor who is involved with efforts to stop the expansion of LGBTQ rights in Korea. I too have not not been with a man.  Perhaps if we spend the night together, we will know what to do in the morning.

,

“Okay, meet me at the main library at 8 pm we’ll have dinner and go to my place.”

That night was magical for both of them as they explored each other’s bodies and experienced gay sex in all of its complexities.

In the morning, they both knew that they had crossed a line and there was no going back. 

 Sam said,

“Here’s the deal.  I cannot tell my parents about us until I graduate in two years because they would quit paying my bills and I would have to return home alone.  There are no same-sex marriages in Korea so you could not join me there either.  So, I will have to stay in the U.S.  I will move in with you and tell my parents you are my roommate. Then once we graduate, we can get married and tell them, and you can sponsor me for a green card.  Can we do that?”

“Sure, and why don’t we do the same with my parents?  Just live together as “roommates” until then but we need to be discreet about it – don’t want news of our affair to leak out to either Korea or my parents. “

A year later Sam’s brother joined Sam to study at NYU, and Joe and Sam enlisted his help in keeping their secret.  He was quite cool with that and they hung out together.

Two years later, they had to have those conversations.  Both sets of parents were coming to NYC for graduation.  They went to city hall and got married. and met with an immigration attorney and filed the paperwork for a marriage visa, but had to wait for the visa to be approved in Korea.  Joe and Sam decided to go back to Korea until the visa was ready, teach ESL in the meantime, and stay about a year.

They decided they would confront their parents at a dinner the day after graduation. To Joe and Sam’s pleasant surprise, both sets of parents accepted their relationship.

Joe started,

‘Dad, Mom, promise me you won’t freak out but I have something to tell you. Sam is more than my friend, and roommate we got married yesterday.  He is my gay lover and my soul mate.”

Ed stared at him and said,

“Joe

Although I can’t approve of this relationship right now, give me time and I will get there.  The most important thing is you are happier than I have ever seen you.”

Pastor Kim looked at Sam, and said,

“Sam, if you had told us earlier, we would have cut off you’re funding and forced you to come back to Korea with us.  But, since you are now married, there is. nothing we can do about it.  But you are no longer welcome at home, as I disown you, and consider you no longer my son, living in grievous sin.  I will pray for your soul.”.”

He stood up to leave but Mrs. Kim, his wife. told him.

“Sit down. And listen to me.  If he loves him and is happy that is all that matters.  He is always welcome in our house and if you don’t like it, we can have a “graduation from marriage ceremony” ("gyeolhon jollepsic”), or get divorced (ihone)  when we get back. What do you think about that, my husband?”

Changwon Kim, Sam’s brother interjected.

“Dad don’t freak out.  I have known him since I got here.  Joe is a wonderful person and they are so happy together. Isn’t that what matters?”

Pastor Lee, looked at Sam and his wife, and said,

“Well, if that is how you feel about it, I agree with Mr. Lewis.  It may take some time to get used to it but okay, I know when I am defeated. Joe, welcome to our family.  As a graduation and marriage gift, we want to pay for your trip to Korea.  I want to change my public statements and come out in favor of LGBTQ rights admitting that I was wrong and welcoming you to our family, you can teach ESL in Korea for a few years then return to the States when you are ready.