â??â??                           Chapter 4

                                                                                                Valentina

                                                                    Six.  Months Later

I lay in bed, stared at the cottage cheese ceiling, and cried. Every day I cry. For the first three weeks of Juan not showing up, I called every day until I got this number is not in service message. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and devastated. How could I ever think he could be into a girl like me? I heard it all the time from my Tias. ‘Vale has such a pretty face image how beautiful she would look if she lost weight.’ Well, I lost a ton of weight in the last six months and I still feel like shit. I threw myself into my studies, but my depression has gotten the better of me. My phone rings, and it’s Lori. I usually send the call to voice mail, but today I decided to end my pity party. 

“Hello,” I say in a small voice. 

“Fucking. Finally, you answer me!” She yells, annoyed.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, and my voice cracks. “It’s just been so hard. I was wrong, I fooled myself into thinking we had something special.”

“Ximena and I are coming over right now. We’ll stop and get some food. What do you want to eat?”

“Chicken wings, the good ones,”

“You got it!”

An hour later, my besties and I are sprawled in the living room watching Pretty in Pink and eating our chicken wings which are to die for. My friends are shocked about how much weight I have lost. 

“How much weight did you lose?” Ximena asked.

“About forty pounds. My depression took me out,” I say. “I’m going to try to do better. I need to be better. I got played, and that’s that.”

“Let me go beat his ass!” Lori says, and I snort out a laugh.

“You deserve so much better!” Ximena shouts. 

“Yeah, she does,” Alessandro says, holding up something. He hands it to me. “I’m not going to Mama and Papa about this, but think about what you’re doing.” He leaves the house without another word.

“What are you talking about, Sandro?” I say, looking at what he has handed me. I turn it over, and I gasp. “Holy shit! It’s from Juan. He’s in Prison!”

“What, the actual fuck? Why for what?” Ximena yells. 

“I have no clue,” I say, shaking.

“Open the fucking letter genius,” Lori shrieks, making us laugh.I tear open the envelope and pull out the contents and poloriodpicture. 

My Roxanne,

I’m so sorry. The day I was supposed to get on the bus, I was at the bus station, and drugs were planted in my suitcase, and I was arrested. I always meant to go to you. I would never stand you up. I was going to you, baby. I promise I was on my way to you with all that I am. I have thought of you every single day since I got arrested. I was going to see you and never leave. I was going to find a job and live there with you. My entire life has been fucked up since I was born, and when I met you all those years ago, you gave me a reason to be happy. The first night I was arrested, something fucked up happened to me, causing me to get into a huge fight. When we went to court, they used it against me and sentenced me to four years. 

You are my only saving grace. I’m trying to do good for us to get to you. I have a counselor who has saved my life here. He has taken me under his wing and is like the father I never had. It took me so long to write you because I had no money on my books. My mother wouldn’t put any money on my books. I’m trying to stay safe and out of trouble, but there is this guy here that every time he sees me, he slams into my shoulder or pushes me. I leave him alone, but he seems to look for me to fuck with me. I would love for you to write me back, and I would love to hear your voice, my love. If you want me to call you, get a phone card and add the code to your phone so I can contact you. When you write, please give me your number so I can call you. I miss you so fucking much, and I love you so damn much it hurts. Please send me pictures of you so I can put them up in my cell. I hope you forgive me for leaving you. Please tell me that you’ll wait for. I have been reading and working out a lot; there is not much to do here. 

I love you forever,

Your Max

I sit there in utter shock and tears. He didn’t ghost me on purpose, and he truly loves me. My heart is hammering in my chest. I look at the other papers in the envelope; it’s a drawing from Juan and a stunning photo of us drawn in pencil. The picture was one of him in all white, wearing sunglasses. He isn’t smiling, but he looks so handsome. The other was a half sheet of a song he dedicated to me; We Belong Together by Richie Valens. I’m in tears and almost forget that my friends are there.

“Wow, that was beautiful. That’s completely fucked up. Who would do that to him? Do you believe him?” Ximena asks.

“Yes, I do believe him. I have an idea, but I hope I’m wrong.”

“Who?” They both yell out. 

“His dad. He hasn’t been in his life that long and seemed like he used him.”

“What do you mean he used him?” Lori asks

“He has other siblings on his dad’s side, and it was obvious that he put the other kids before him. I was facetiming Juan once, and he took all the kids to a nice steakhouse except Juan. Which was fucked up because he busted his ass to get his approval. I hope to God that I’m wrong about this.”

“Wow, I hope that you’re wrong, Vale. What are you going to do?” Ximena asks.

“Well, I’m going to write him back,” I say.

“What if you get in trouble?” Lori asks. “Alessandro is such a snitch.”

“I will have to intercept the mail first. Today was a total fluke. I’m the one who gets the mail every day.”

“Okay, we will leave so you can write your man. We should go out this weekend to San Francisco.” Ximena says, giving me a big hug. I nod. I need a day out with my girls.

“Call us later, Boo,” Lori hugs me too,

Once they leave, I run into my room and lock the door. I sit there and cry, but this time it’s happy tears that Juan didn’t ghost me, but they’re also sad because of what he’s going through. I look at the letter and see his information on the envelope. I look up the Prison online and read up on it. It’s the most dangerous in California, making me sick. I find out how to put money on his books and send him one hundred dollars. He didn’t ask me to. I did this because I wanted to. I pull out my stationary with roses he bought me a few years ago.

My Max,

I don’t even know where to start. I have been in such a state of depression for the last six months. I thought you played me, and I was so devastated. There were days I didn’t get out of bed, and my parents were so worried that they took me to the doctor. I was put on anti-depressants. My heart started beating again once I got your letter and felt alive. I have missed you terribly. You hold my heart in your hands, and I will wait for you, baby.

I have been in college, and I’m doing well in my studies, and I decided that I want to be a teacher. I work as a tutor after school, and it works out perfectly because I can make my schedule. So far, I have two students: a fourth grader helping with reading and her brother, a senior whom I'm helping with his English essays. I put money on your books. If you need anything, please let me know. I will go today and get a phone card from the store. This is my number 510-555-2122 can’t wait to hear your voice again. I will also send you some pictures of me. You looked so handsome in your photo, but I wish you would smile. You have a beautiful smile. I love you so much!

Love you,

Your Roxanne

I kissed the letter and ran and put it in the mailbox at the corner of our house, 

My heart is soaring, and I’m excited for the first time in six months.