There is nothing like the recent affinity I’ve made with Ritz Crackers, so greatly expressed by my constant munching on my way to class, just as I had done this morning on my way to chemistry, for which, being Wednesday, we had a quiz.

Having had a relatively long night (for other reasons than studying, such as this coughing sickness of mine) and having studied a fair amount, I allowed myself to fully engage in the experience of eating.

With a freshly opened stack of Ritz in hand, I was taken away as I savored every taste and every bite. I couldn’t see anything being more perfect for a morning. Finishing the entire stack less than a quarter of the way to class, I tossed the beige plastic wrapper into the nearest recycling bin before thinking, Oh, Ritz, you delight me.

Now, having opened my last box this morning (this shouldn’t be alarming; I had only purchased two boxes, and each box only carries 8 stacks; I eat like two stacks a day), I had an internal gnawing that my stash of Ritz was going to run dry. So, to quell the gnawing, I made a promise to myself that as long as I did well enough on my quiz and somehow managed to wrap up my lab report before noon (which seemed “very possible” at the time), I was going to head back to my dorm, drop off my stuff, grab a bag (as there was no way I was going to buy one), and go to Safeway.

Why? To buy Ritz.

The whole spark to my Ritz affinity came when I first encountered a deal I couldn’t dismiss as I was strolling the aisles, to which I encountered this big yellow sign that, in simple summation, stated that I could save a good $3.30 off every box of Ritz I bought as long as I bought a minimum of two boxes. You buy 3 boxes, you save $9, etc.

Simple enough.

Which, being $5.79 a box at MSRP, I could use the savings. And it was also one of the few times a Safeway deal didn’t feel like an “I’ll take a dollar off for you” deal.

$3 off, oh yes, please!

So, having gotten one question wrong on my chemistry quiz, pulling a 14/15 for not fully reading the instructions (one of the reactions was supposed to result in a “No Reaction"), and somehow managing to tidy up my lab report in our school’s dining hall as I ate lunch (which was only slightly filling), I made my way back to my dorm, did exactly what I promised myself, and headed off to Safeway.

It was to my recollection that I saw the sign still up over the weekend that I was convinced they still had the deal, which, sure enough, the sign was still there.

Member price and the oh so heavenly deal!

So, doing what any reasonable college student who has this awkward affinity for Ritz Crackers would do, I grabbed two boxes, knowing it was the minimum, glanced at the sign to make sure I wasn’t going crazy, and made my way over to the self-checkout. I scanned my two boxes of Ritz, typed in my phone number for rewards, and... the deal never came.

Well, I saved $2.60. Total. My total went from $11.58 to $8.98. I was expecting $6.60 in savings before tax (which, looking at my receipt, I wasn’t charged) and a subtotal of approximately $5.50, only to be paying $9. And, I kid you not, I stood there for the longest time, convinced something was wrong, which something was. Feeling bad for holding up the line as Safeway is apparently still kind of busy on a Wednesday, especially one just across from a college dorm (oh, how college students love Safeway), I let out a defeated sigh before paying.

$9 goodbye. I probably could’ve saved a good $3–4. But I wasn’t done. Grabbing my receipt and placing it on top of my two boxes of Ritz as a sign that I wasn’t stealing or wasn’t trying to steal, I went back to the big, bright yellow sign (it’s actually just printed paper) only to realize that the deal was available “Thru Tue. Nov. 14.”

That…was yesterday.

Taking a photo for self-recollection and smacking myself in the brain for my own stupidity (I had read the sign), I let out a grunt (for which the lady behind the cashier glanced at me) and left.