My worst fear that I have ever faced. How can I be so bold as to say I know? My ego holds the key of all my insecurities. Only he would know. But I can recollect experience. I can bring forth memories I have. Come to think, there was one time in particular that I know I stood up to my fear. I grabbed a guitar and hopped on a stage. I sang a song in front of some people. I was shaking. I was scared to do it and I didn't think I would be. I made it to the end of the song and felt a feeling come over me. The calm after the storm. This feeling is something I hope to have more in this life. It is the feeling my ego gives me as an award for beating it. I am in a toxic relationship with my ego. He only provides me with what I truly want when I defy his commands. He commands me to stay put and never defy any fear that seems to be even slightly had. I do my best to deny him his demands. 

 

Since then, I have gone on stage a lot more. I switched to stand up comedy which I very much enjoy doing. I haven't done so in a while, though. I have let fear run the game of my life for too long, again. It always happens. Fear creeps in through the cracks of my confidence and lays eggs that hatch fallacies I can't help but believe are true. I burrow into myself and wait for the death of lies to occur so I can breach my cave and be free yet again. This is the cycle, my cycle. I want out, frankly. To know the facts of fear, that it is an illusion, is not enough sometimes for me not to be tricked by it. My own thoughts are my own worst enemy. Hopping on a stage and singing or talking is my anctedote, my cure so to speak. I need it. I want it and crave it. By defying my fear that day, I found out who I am. Now, I am obligated to continue being that person. I have no other choice.