Oh my goodness, you look so nice!

(I bet you are riddled with lice.)

Where did you get this fabulous dress?

(Don’t you see you look a mess?)

That gloss makes your eyes sparkle!

(They look like they’ll pop after they crackle.)

This lipstick is so made for you!

(You’ll look a clown no matter what you do!)

Your cream just makes your face glow!

(You ugly hag and nasty crow!)

Girl, where did you get those gorgeous shoes?

(You walk like they give you a bruise.)

Your lush hair has so much bounce!

(A cheap-ass wig, every ounce.)

What a necklace! What a chain! What a ring! What a gem!

(Bogus, counterfeit, Zirconia, fugazi—all of them!)

And where’s that handsome beau of yours?

(We all know he has many side whores.)

I hope your kids are doing well.

(May they all rot and go to hell!)

Do have lots of fun, and see you later!

(I hope you’re poisoned by your waiter!)