Caged bird

Inside of my mind, is a caged bird-
Though she does not sing, she screams. 
And I try with desperation, 
To calm her down, so silently. 
Inside of me, 
are raging waves- 
Crashing upon my soul. 
Salt inflames my wound of a heart, 
And my courage-
All ash, no coal.   
Sometimes my life feels less like I’m living, 
And more like a bad acid trip- 
Waking up to the thought, 
that time, while fleeting, 
Is all there really is. 

I feel like I’m on fire, 
With nowhere I can run-
The ocean has abandoned me, 
To be burnt up by the sun.
And she is angry, 
OH her wrath, 
Consuming me with rage. 
I’m afraid of it all,
God, the moon, 
the sun-
and this damn cage. 
Holding me hostage inside this body-
I never asked to be. 
So if it’s all for not, 
I’ll spend this life,
With thoughts consuming me. 
But if it’s not for not, 
And god is true- 
Well, he sends shivers down my spine. 
I walk with fear for wonder, 
Is this body even mine? 

I can’t stop being the girl I am- 
No matter how hard I try. 
I’m littered with scars,
and questions 
that are far too big to fight - 
Since I’ve been small, 
Ive always felt like it’s a sin to even be-
Smiles have always masked for hate,
And love
Has never 
once come free. 

Sometimes, 
when I look my friends in the eyes- 
I feel I’m begging them to see;
The caged bird
screaming,
in my head-
Dying to be free. 
If feelings could be physical, 
I’d melt beneath their feet-
At a simple hug,
Or to know love,
Without bearing me its teeth.