Let me start by saying my heart has never been truly broken; bruised maybe, during my pre-adolescence early years, but nothing a good night's sleep and a pint of ice cream couldn't fix. Don't tell me there aren't some advantages to getting married young to the first guy who ever says he's in love with you. Still, I wouldn't recommend that for everyone, because I've noticed it doesn't always work. The world is full of jerks, and I guess I just got lucky. So since I've never had a broken heart, what qualified me to share my wisdom with those who have? I'm glad you asked that question. I'm the mother of four children, all of whom have had their hearts shattered so many times they look like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Nevertheless, their Humpty-Dumpty hearts keep getting put back together again, and life goes on.

Nothing can be worse than a teenage boy in love for the first time, unless it is a teenage boy with his first broken heart. Everything is so magnified out of proportion you might as well forget about trying to see it from his perspective. He is viewing the world from a roller coaster while you are riding on the back of turtle, so he doesn't even expect you to understand, much less offer any helpful advice. It's enough to be there to listen in case he wants to talk and to have something he likes available to fill his empty belly. (Usually, boys' appetites aren't seriously impaired. That's the female department.) Also, you might want to keep your schedule open to run him to the hospital in case he tries to put his fist through a wall. Males tend to get a bit physical sometimes, but broken bones mend at about the same rate as broken hearts at this stage. They heal after a few months, and the second time around, it is usually less severe.

Girls are another story. I had three of these, and while they tend to become less physically violent, they are a lot more verbal. Get used to seeing puffy eyes and tear-stained pillows. Their story is the great tragedy of the ages. During this time, they may lose weight and start to take on the appearance of someone from a famine-ravished third world country, but with any luck, they'll survive to love again. There is only one way for the grief to work its way out of their system. They must relive the whole affair six million times, dissecting it in a different light each time. Finally after all their friends have gone into hiding, and you are about to check into a rehabilitation center, one day they wake up and look at their emaciated body and decide they like themselves that way, and they need a whole new wardrobe.

There are worst case scenarios. Most tragic of all is the one who somehow escapes heartbreak until they are well into their ninth year of marriage, and to complicate matters, don't even see it coming. Such was the case with my firstborn. Heartbreak is like chicken pox. It's a lot easier on you if you get it while you're young. Still, the process is the same. It just may last a lot longer. You might as well forget offering advice. They are in no frame of mind to even hear you. "Get a lawyer and take the bum for all he's got" isn't even going to compute, if they've already made up their mind they are somehow to blame and therefore deserve what is happening to them.

Sometimes, they feel they need more than Mom's shoulder to cry on. This is where counselors and support groups come in. Of course if it comes to that, you might as well know in advance that the problem always stems from their childhood, and somehow you're always going to get the lion's share of the blame instead of the jerk who really deserves it. Still, don't feel too bad because it's all part of the process, and so what if they beat you up in effigy. After all, isn't that what moms are for? Eventually the day will come when they decide to reinvent themselves and get on with life. It may involve a new look, a new job, or sometimes, a whole new personality. The point is, that heartbreak doesn't last forever, and there is life, even after divorce.

How can you help a person get over a broken heart? Don't flatter yourself into believing you have that kind of power. It's their heart, and there is very little you can say or do that is going to make much of a difference. Healing comes from within themselves. Like the childhood disease, it's just got to run its course, and all you can really do is stand by with a pot of chicken soup. If there is any message you can convey to them at this time of personal tragedy, none is any better than the little four-word cliche that my grandma used to utter, "This too shall pass."