On March 17th, 2015, we lost our dear Mother to cancer. She was the glue that held our family together. Since she left the earthly bounds it left a huge void in our family. It felt like our family was coming apart at the seams.

Our 85-year-old father was dealing with unresolved grief after 56 years of marriage and was trying to adapt to living alone. He joined the Life After 50 Senior's Centre in Windsor which offered social interaction to reduce the loneliness that he felt. In this time frame, he met a lady at the center whom he began dating. We were all happy to see Dad get out of the house and interact. He was still very vulnerable and socially inept as to the social norms of dating.

Early in the relationship, he shared too much personal information with this woman. That over disclosure of personal information to a stranger allowed this woman to manipulate our Father unmercifully. Her first demand was that he rid the home of every single picture of our Mother, 6 months after her death. I was inconsolable when I learned of this demand. Next Pat worked to erode the relationship that Dad had with his 5 children and his siblings. Our Aunt became like a surrogate Mother to us after our Mother died which we were grateful for. Pat did her damnedest to try to damage this relationship with us by planting malicious statements in my Dad's head about our Aunt. She would gaslight our Dad and plant falsehoods in his head to distance him from his children. My dad did not question this woman's motives which I found inconceivable. He was a very intelligent man who had an analytical mind and who's scholastic achievements included becoming a Scientist, a Chemist, earning a Bachelor and Master's degree in business administration. However, what he was seriously lacking were social skills and experience with personal relationships. This woman honed in on my Dad's weaknesses and did her best to isolate him from his family. If he failed to adhere to her demands, she would verbally go on the attack in an uncontrollable rage.

Subsequently, my Father began lashing out at his children and at my Aunt which was uncharacteristic of him. Ultimately, this woman had gained total control over our Father and called all the shots. She demanded to see all his emails and his mail. After only dating him for a short period of time, Pat wanted him to change his life insurance. That was a red flag for our family although our Father was totally blind to the inappropriateness of this request and to the invasion of his privacy. She expected him to share everything, yet there was so much he did not know about her. He never met her children and when he was supposed to meet them, she would break up with him. Over time, Pat presented some very erratic behavior making all of us realize that she was mentally unstable. Despite her frequent irrational outbursts, our Father was hard pressed to continue with the relationship.

Out of concern for my father, I wrote an email stating that" Pat could not help him with his grieving process." "If he had to alienate his children and his siblings, had to walk on eggs and change the person that he was, then was the relationship really worth it?" In his blindness to her agenda, he showed her the email. The private email that I sent to my Dad gave this woman more venom to spread baseless lies about us. We were trying to protect our father from a deceptive female predator. Pat finally broke up with Dad for the last time. Due to her planting ideas in his head, he became verbally abusive and was blaming his kids and my Aunt for the breakup and Pat's final departure.

That was a very tense and painful time for all of us. She brainwashed him so much that he was full of anger. It created a toxic environment in his home. My Father was crushing my soul with his nasty outbursts. In the Winter of 2017, I had enough of his abusive behavior and blaming everyone for his breakup. He failed to see his part in allowing himself to be manipulated in such a malicious and a diabolical way. We both had a stand off that day. He refused to listen to what I had to say, so I left and did not return for another 4 months. Due to the anger neither one of us were listening to each other so I put my thoughts to paper and sent my Father the most heart felt letter. I wanted the Father back that I loved and looked up to. It was explicitly explained in the letter to my Dad "that if his abuse did not stop, I would walk out of his life for good." The letter gave my Father time to think clearly and for cooler heads to prevail. In 4 months, time we were able to resolve our issues and salvage our Father/Daughter relationship. We were not opposed to our Father dating. What we seriously objected to, was someone trying to tear down the framework of our family to the detriment of our Father's psychological and emotional well-being.

What is truly a blessing is that Dad, finally went on to meet a wonderful caring lady named Barb. In comparison to Pat, Barb was secure with herself therefore had no reason to manipulate the man she loved. When she arrived on the scene, my Father was finally able to grieve our Mother without harsh words or judgement. Barb never met our Mother, yet she helped all of us to keep her memory alive and honour her. That was truly a healing process and a journey for our Father. It is amazing how much that she reminds all of us of our Mother. Barb was indeed worth the wait and is truly the love of Dad's life today.