| Humor Fiction posted July 15, 2020 |
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How Far can $20 Get You
I Feel Lucky
by Earl Corp
“Give me twenty,” I told the clerk.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked as she started pulling scratch-off tickets from the roll.
“Yeah I can’t get it out of my head that today is my lucky day,”
“Oh yeah? Why?”
“I was just evicted from my house."
“Oh, that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, the foundation was sinking and the roof leaked,”
"What else makes you think it's your lucky day?"
“My doctor just diagnosed me with a brain tumor.”
“Oh that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, because the tumor is operable and once it’s gone I won’t be seeing any more fire breathing dragons flying around.”
I had scratched off half the tickets with no luck.
“It’s not looking good for you,” the clerk said.
“No, it’s okay, still not the worst thing that happened today.”
“What could be worse than being evicted or a brain tumor?”
“My car blew up on my way to work and I got fired.”
“Oh that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, an hour after I was fired the FBI raided the office and arrested everybody on the premises, but I was already gone.”
“Oh that’s good.”
“No that's bad, there’s a warrant out for my arrest and I’m on foot and I just spent my last $20 on these lottery tickets.”
“Is that bad?”
“It is if this last one isn’t a winner.”
I scratched the first spot, it revealed $1,000,000. I sweated as I scratched the second spot. Another $1,000,000 appeared.
I looked at it hard, trying to will the third $1,000,000 to be there. I needed this so bad. I dried my sweaty hands on the legs of my pants, then picked up the nickel I was using to scratch off the last spot.
As I started scratching I knew it was a loser, especially as I uncovered the T in Try Again.
“Oh well, plan B,” I thought.
The clerk clicked her tongue, “Oh that’s bad,” she said.
“Yeah for you,” I said as I pulled out my M1911 .45 caliber pistol.
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“Give me twenty,” I told the clerk.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked as she started pulling scratch-off tickets from the roll.
“Yeah I can’t get it out of my head that today is my lucky day,”
“Oh yeah? Why?”
“I was just evicted from my house."
“Oh, that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, the foundation was sinking and the roof leaked,”
"What else makes you think it's your lucky day?"
“My doctor just diagnosed me with a brain tumor.”
“Oh that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, because the tumor is operable and once it’s gone I won’t be seeing any more fire breathing dragons flying around.”
I had scratched off half the tickets with no luck.
“It’s not looking good for you,” the clerk said.
“No, it’s okay, still not the worst thing that happened today.”
“What could be worse than being evicted or a brain tumor?”
“My car blew up on my way to work and I got fired.”
“Oh that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, an hour after I was fired the FBI raided the office and arrested everybody on the premises, but I was already gone.”
“Oh that’s good.”
“No that's bad, there’s a warrant out for my arrest and I’m on foot and I just spent my last $20 on these lottery tickets.”
“Is that bad?”
“It is if this last one isn’t a winner.”
I scratched the first spot, it revealed $1,000,000. I sweated as I scratched the second spot. Another $1,000,000 appeared.
I looked at it hard, trying to will the third $1,000,000 to be there. I needed this so bad. I dried my sweaty hands on the legs of my pants, then picked up the nickel I was using to scratch off the last spot.
As I started scratching I knew it was a loser, especially as I uncovered the T in Try Again.
“Oh well, plan B,” I thought.
The clerk clicked her tongue, “Oh that’s bad,” she said.
“Yeah for you,” I said as I pulled out my M1911 .45 caliber pistol.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked as she started pulling scratch-off tickets from the roll.
“Yeah I can’t get it out of my head that today is my lucky day,”
“Oh yeah? Why?”
“I was just evicted from my house."
“Oh, that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, the foundation was sinking and the roof leaked,”
"What else makes you think it's your lucky day?"
“My doctor just diagnosed me with a brain tumor.”
“Oh that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, because the tumor is operable and once it’s gone I won’t be seeing any more fire breathing dragons flying around.”
I had scratched off half the tickets with no luck.
“It’s not looking good for you,” the clerk said.
“No, it’s okay, still not the worst thing that happened today.”
“What could be worse than being evicted or a brain tumor?”
“My car blew up on my way to work and I got fired.”
“Oh that’s bad.”
“No that’s good, an hour after I was fired the FBI raided the office and arrested everybody on the premises, but I was already gone.”
“Oh that’s good.”
“No that's bad, there’s a warrant out for my arrest and I’m on foot and I just spent my last $20 on these lottery tickets.”
“Is that bad?”
“It is if this last one isn’t a winner.”
I scratched the first spot, it revealed $1,000,000. I sweated as I scratched the second spot. Another $1,000,000 appeared.
I looked at it hard, trying to will the third $1,000,000 to be there. I needed this so bad. I dried my sweaty hands on the legs of my pants, then picked up the nickel I was using to scratch off the last spot.
As I started scratching I knew it was a loser, especially as I uncovered the T in Try Again.
“Oh well, plan B,” I thought.
The clerk clicked her tongue, “Oh that’s bad,” she said.
“Yeah for you,” I said as I pulled out my M1911 .45 caliber pistol.
 Recognized |
#140 2020 |
I have to give a nod to Archie Campbell of Hee Haw fame for giving me the idea for the good/bad scenario. It ain't long, it ain't pretty, and it's not my usual style. Enjoy.
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