Comment from Goodadvicechan

Excellent

This poem meets the requirement of fitting the given six words into the story of the poem.

I feel the sorry for the girl to hit an accident. Sliding should be fun not to get hurt.

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 08-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021

Thanks for the read and the review. Agree about sliding.

Comment from PENofFIRE

Excellent

You did a great job using the specified words to create a story within a poem. Great writing and a great read. I could feel the pain and see potential of romance in the ending. Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 08-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021

Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Much appreciated.

Comment from Anne Johnston

Excellent

Very good use of the words provided for this story. You have chosen a good picture to illustrate. May I point out in your third stanza, you used:
"payment" instead of "pavement."

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021

Thanks, I will correct. And thanks for the careful read and feedback.

reply by Anne Johnston on 05-Mar-2021

You are welcome. We are here to help each other

Comment from robyn corum

Good

Dear Mystery Writer,

I liked the story-part of your post, but, to be perfectly, horribly honest, I'm a little concerned about the amount of rhyming in your poem. I'm thinking a lot of the other entries will probably have a consistent pattern of rhyming throughout, and yours has a couple of scattered rhymes. I don't know if that will be enough to compete as well as you might. You know?

Also, one other note:
Went down with a thud
Onto unforgiving (pavement)
--> need to make this correction, please

Thanks and good luck!

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021

Thanks, I know the rhyme is scattered but I decided on free verse to better tell the story. Thanks for the correction on pavement.