Scar of Kindness
Boy gets scar while rescuing a kitty.3 total reviews
Comment from RodG
One gets the impression the narrator is both compassionate and foolhardy, but it's nice to know he has no regrets. Your short, phrases choppy give us a vivid impression of the action. Rod
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
  |
One gets the impression the narrator is both compassionate and foolhardy, but it's nice to know he has no regrets. Your short, phrases choppy give us a vivid impression of the action. Rod
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
-
Thank you for your read and review. Appreciated.
-
Thank you for your read and review. Appreciated.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a sweet story of love and sacrifice! I know of several folks here I can think of who would willingly do exactly this. *smile*
Although this is a very cool story - as it stands I don't think you're gonna get the highest marks you could. Those incomplete sentences are working against you. (Sorry!)
Here are some notes:
1.) I heard tiny, frighten(ed) meows as I sat
2.) To 'find' more word space - you could also eliminate the 'reading' part - just be sitting on the front porch, maybe?
3.) My heart pierced by the terror of her calls. I shimmied the trunk, climbed limb from limb. (17 words)
--> not complete sentences - consider editing as:
--> My heart, pierced by her terrified calls, sent me shimmying the trunk, limb by limb. (15)
4.) Grasped kitty, pressed her to my chest, a gust of wind, lost my balance, tumbled through limbs, a sharp branch ripped my cheek. (23)
--> incomplete sentences
--> consider editing as above.
Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
|
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a sweet story of love and sacrifice! I know of several folks here I can think of who would willingly do exactly this. *smile*
Although this is a very cool story - as it stands I don't think you're gonna get the highest marks you could. Those incomplete sentences are working against you. (Sorry!)
Here are some notes:
1.) I heard tiny, frighten(ed) meows as I sat
2.) To 'find' more word space - you could also eliminate the 'reading' part - just be sitting on the front porch, maybe?
3.) My heart pierced by the terror of her calls. I shimmied the trunk, climbed limb from limb. (17 words)
--> not complete sentences - consider editing as:
--> My heart, pierced by her terrified calls, sent me shimmying the trunk, limb by limb. (15)
4.) Grasped kitty, pressed her to my chest, a gust of wind, lost my balance, tumbled through limbs, a sharp branch ripped my cheek. (23)
--> incomplete sentences
--> consider editing as above.
Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
-
Thank you for your suggestions. I have edited the piece.
-
Thank you for your suggestions. I have edited the piece.
-
Oh, yeah. So much better! Good luck!
-
Thanks for your help. Could not nominate you, because I already did for another poem.
-
Wow. Thanks for trying!! I think most folks have forgotten it is even an option!! Ha!!!
-
You are welcome and appreciate your effort to help improve my work.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Flash Fiction, 100 Word Story writing prompt entry, speaks a boy gets scar of kindness while rescuing a mother kitty with her two little kittens; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this and nice reviewing this legible post on white background, post more, fast, time is limited, precious, rare (good) gift, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123300/N21. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
|
This Flash Fiction, 100 Word Story writing prompt entry, speaks a boy gets scar of kindness while rescuing a mother kitty with her two little kittens; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this and nice reviewing this legible post on white background, post more, fast, time is limited, precious, rare (good) gift, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123300/N21. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
-
Thank you for your read and review. However, it was only one kitten that was rescued.
-
Thank you for your read and review. However, it was only one kitten that was rescued.