Emory and Lisa
An anxious love story5 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
With all the people that I read regularly, most for years, I seldom find time to read new people or those I haven't had the good fortune of seeing on the site. But I'm glad I stumbled across your story and look forward to reading more in the future. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
  |
With all the people that I read regularly, most for years, I seldom find time to read new people or those I haven't had the good fortune of seeing on the site. But I'm glad I stumbled across your story and look forward to reading more in the future. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so much! Really appreciate it!
Comment from Natureschild
This is a well-written chapter that drew me in and left me wanting more. The dialogue flows naturally, capturing the awkwardness and vulnerability of social interactions. It is a compelling narrative of overcoming social anxiety and building connections. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
This is a well-written chapter that drew me in and left me wanting more. The dialogue flows naturally, capturing the awkwardness and vulnerability of social interactions. It is a compelling narrative of overcoming social anxiety and building connections. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Oh thank u so much! That means a lot! Thank you
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a good and intriguing first chapter giving your reader a lot of background information and building up your characters with some winning and humorous dialogue and introspective thought processes. Ideally, I would have preferred your font size to have been larger and double spacing between paragraphs to make this quite lengthy write much more readable (potential reviewers with challenging sight issues may well be put off. But you make an excellent start. Some suggestions below:
Before (the) pandemic; a(n) obnoxious gas bubble; is this (guy) just as weird as me (no's' after guy); Yea(h); you questions. Yes??; I use(d) to make my mom smile.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
This is a good and intriguing first chapter giving your reader a lot of background information and building up your characters with some winning and humorous dialogue and introspective thought processes. Ideally, I would have preferred your font size to have been larger and double spacing between paragraphs to make this quite lengthy write much more readable (potential reviewers with challenging sight issues may well be put off. But you make an excellent start. Some suggestions below:
Before (the) pandemic; a(n) obnoxious gas bubble; is this (guy) just as weird as me (no's' after guy); Yea(h); you questions. Yes??; I use(d) to make my mom smile.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the suggestions and really appreciate the specific corrections, needed that. Thank you so much!
Comment from royowen
The problem with being so young and just making one's way in the world is that we are so awkward, but not everybody, I was incredibly awkward when young, but I dressed fashionably and fooled a lot of people, including gird, beautifully written my friend, blessings and good luck, Roy
Typo : my aunt is bring(ing) my baby cousin.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2024
|
The problem with being so young and just making one's way in the world is that we are so awkward, but not everybody, I was incredibly awkward when young, but I dressed fashionably and fooled a lot of people, including gird, beautifully written my friend, blessings and good luck, Roy
Typo : my aunt is bring(ing) my baby cousin.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so much! And thank you for the typo I?ll be sure to change that.
-
Most welcome
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This was well written and very enjoyable. A perfect first chapter! The inner dialogue provides did a great job of showing us their thoughts and emotions. I could really empathize with the struggles you show here. I especially liked how you showed the gradual development with Emory. Great job!
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2024
|
This was well written and very enjoyable. A perfect first chapter! The inner dialogue provides did a great job of showing us their thoughts and emotions. I could really empathize with the struggles you show here. I especially liked how you showed the gradual development with Emory. Great job!
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so much! I really appreciate!