His Silence
Viewing comments for Chapter 83 "His Silence - Chapter 82"Why did a 14 year old boy murder his parents?
9 total reviews
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Really good Jacob! I like the smooth way that you write matter of fact, not to overly done descriptive, and not underdone, either just right. Gee, I wonder what it would be like living with Oliver kind of holds back information. Exceptionally, well written I enjoyed reading it.Thank you so much for submitting.I hope you're having a smashing day!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2024
  |
Really good Jacob! I like the smooth way that you write matter of fact, not to overly done descriptive, and not underdone, either just right. Gee, I wonder what it would be like living with Oliver kind of holds back information. Exceptionally, well written I enjoyed reading it.Thank you so much for submitting.I hope you're having a smashing day!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, Lea, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Jacob,
What a great chapter to your book. I think it's a fantastic idea that you have decided to include the extracts from Sally's diary. It will help the reader connect more with the characters.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
|
Jacob,
What a great chapter to your book. I think it's a fantastic idea that you have decided to include the extracts from Sally's diary. It will help the reader connect more with the characters.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
Comment Written 10-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, Cecilia, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
-
Jacob,
You are welcome
Cecilia
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
What is it with all the name changing? Is it part of their compact as a household when they all move in together? Since Sally's son is a baby, it is a few years before he is old enough to be accused of being their killer.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
|
What is it with all the name changing? Is it part of their compact as a household when they all move in together? Since Sally's son is a baby, it is a few years before he is old enough to be accused of being their killer.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, it is explained in the notes.
Comment from Slo_6
It was a little hard for me to follow along here because I haven't read the first 81 chapters. Nevertheless, your writing was pretty clean and clear to follow. Here are a few suggestions if you're interested.
You wrote, "I understand, have you, have you seen anywhere you like?" --> Elsewhere you used ellipses to indicate breaks in concentration while speaking. You may want to use them here as well for consistency.
You wrote, "There's this little farmhouse I really like; my therapist actually..." --> and then it goes on for quite a bit. You may want to consider changing the semicolon to a period there.
Does this take place in the United States? You used miles instead of kilometers and you mentioned the Spurs (I haven't heard of a sports team with this name outside of the U.S.). If so, let me suggest that someone born American would be unlikely to say, "you've said you guys FANCY moving." I live in the Northeast, so maybe that vernacular is more common elsewhere.
One last thing, and I really don't have much of a suggestion to offer. I just wanted to give you my feedback as a reader that the action was a little jumpy in the paragraph that began, "Neil drifts towards the front door mumuring something to himself." I'm not sure how to explain it. The rhythm just seemed off or too fast or something. Also, there's a typo on murmuring.
This has to be so much writing you've done. I hope this was helpful. Keep it up!
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with site guidelines.**
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
|
It was a little hard for me to follow along here because I haven't read the first 81 chapters. Nevertheless, your writing was pretty clean and clear to follow. Here are a few suggestions if you're interested.
You wrote, "I understand, have you, have you seen anywhere you like?" --> Elsewhere you used ellipses to indicate breaks in concentration while speaking. You may want to use them here as well for consistency.
You wrote, "There's this little farmhouse I really like; my therapist actually..." --> and then it goes on for quite a bit. You may want to consider changing the semicolon to a period there.
Does this take place in the United States? You used miles instead of kilometers and you mentioned the Spurs (I haven't heard of a sports team with this name outside of the U.S.). If so, let me suggest that someone born American would be unlikely to say, "you've said you guys FANCY moving." I live in the Northeast, so maybe that vernacular is more common elsewhere.
One last thing, and I really don't have much of a suggestion to offer. I just wanted to give you my feedback as a reader that the action was a little jumpy in the paragraph that began, "Neil drifts towards the front door mumuring something to himself." I'm not sure how to explain it. The rhythm just seemed off or too fast or something. Also, there's a typo on murmuring.
This has to be so much writing you've done. I hope this was helpful. Keep it up!
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with site guidelines.**
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
-
This novel is set in the UK which is my home country. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
-
TIL the UK still measures distance in miles. I really should travel more. Thanks!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Jacob,
I like the way you are doing the flashbacks. They are a very effective way to make us feel involved in the diary. It helps us get insight into the characters.
Interesting the relationship between Oliver and Danielle's parents.
Great story,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
|
Hi Jacob,
I like the way you are doing the flashbacks. They are a very effective way to make us feel involved in the diary. It helps us get insight into the characters.
Interesting the relationship between Oliver and Danielle's parents.
Great story,
Rhonda
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
-
Thank you Rhonda, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Yes, I was a bit disorientated in the beginning because I'm hopeless with names. But I soon gathered what was going on. I think this is a good idea, Jacob, for the reader to start getting a handle on the connection between Danielle's parents and Oliver. Nicely done, Jacob! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
|
Yes, I was a bit disorientated in the beginning because I'm hopeless with names. But I soon gathered what was going on. I think this is a good idea, Jacob, for the reader to start getting a handle on the connection between Danielle's parents and Oliver. Nicely done, Jacob! Debbie
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, Debbie, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
It is good that you've gone back to an early time when Danielle's parents were getting to know Oliver and his brother. I am wondering why Sally and Oliver had been meeting before the accident. He seems genuine upset over his wife's death. I wonder if Danielle will find this information in her mother's journal.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
|
It is good that you've gone back to an early time when Danielle's parents were getting to know Oliver and his brother. I am wondering why Sally and Oliver had been meeting before the accident. He seems genuine upset over his wife's death. I wonder if Danielle will find this information in her mother's journal.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, Beth, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is an interesting way to tell this story. It's working so far, but I'm a little hesitate. I can't wait to read more. Thank you for sharing this with us. I couldn't find any way to make it better.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
|
This is an interesting way to tell this story. It's working so far, but I'm a little hesitate. I can't wait to read more. Thank you for sharing this with us. I couldn't find any way to make it better.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, Barbara, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Begin Again
You had me confused, Jacob. Thought jetlag had scrambled my brain. But your notes at the end explained the change.
Also, these notes are just thoughts...don't mean to push anything on you....
wearing thick, Ted
also you use thick again in the next sentence.
sound of a kettle roaring
maybe whistling?
Enjoyed the chapter as always.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
|
You had me confused, Jacob. Thought jetlag had scrambled my brain. But your notes at the end explained the change.
Also, these notes are just thoughts...don't mean to push anything on you....
wearing thick, Ted
also you use thick again in the next sentence.
sound of a kettle roaring
maybe whistling?
Enjoyed the chapter as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
-
Thank you, Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.