MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Firestorm"A Day at Sea World
24 total reviews
Comment from wierdgrace
Congratulation on winning the book of the month. I have read part of your book, and will look for it in the store this weekend. Other wise buy on line.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2008
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Congratulation on winning the book of the month. I have read part of your book, and will look for it in the store this weekend. Other wise buy on line.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2008
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Hi Grace,
Check out www.gaylefarmer.com and check out the covers and all. Firestorm is in final edit and should be ready soon. Leave an email there and I'll give you a buzz when the editing is done.
Thanks for the fine comments and your super R&R.
Gayle
Comment from amada
Congratulations ! The story caught my attention from the first line and the action continued on. Good work with the dialog, it was fresh and enticing.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2008
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Congratulations ! The story caught my attention from the first line and the action continued on. Good work with the dialog, it was fresh and enticing.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2008
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Hi Amada,
Thank you so much for the kind comments. I had a great time writing that book and if you're interested in more, pm me and we'll chat.
Thanks again,
Gayle
Comment from JuliePal
This is great and packed with action. I couldn't find any errors, and I did look : ) I'm curious as to what happened with the girls, why they were naked and what they had been through, so I'll definitely go back and read from the beginning. Looks like you have a really good story going on here! Great job!
Julie
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2008
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This is great and packed with action. I couldn't find any errors, and I did look : ) I'm curious as to what happened with the girls, why they were naked and what they had been through, so I'll definitely go back and read from the beginning. Looks like you have a really good story going on here! Great job!
Julie
Comment Written 22-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2008
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Hi Julie,
If you liked this and are interested in more, pm me and we'll chat.
Thanks for the great comments and R&R.
Gayle
Comment from Ritsal
Hey, I love all the Terry/Ella stories and this chapter doesn't disappoint. You've got great characters in this book -- enough to spill over into making a real series. You've got my vote, gal. Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2008
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Hey, I love all the Terry/Ella stories and this chapter doesn't disappoint. You've got great characters in this book -- enough to spill over into making a real series. You've got my vote, gal. Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 22-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2008
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Hey Twinnie,
They're my fave's, too, and I guess the kids will languish forever now!
Thanks for all the support and fine comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
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I thought maybe you had passed out.
Comment from maggieJo
Raw and fearful! Watching the fires on TV you don't see the personal things like this. What would I do in a situation like this?
I think I would feel exactly as the two girls felt...closed in a death warp.
This story is new to me. I'll have to be sure to follow it.
maggiejo
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
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Raw and fearful! Watching the fires on TV you don't see the personal things like this. What would I do in a situation like this?
I think I would feel exactly as the two girls felt...closed in a death warp.
This story is new to me. I'll have to be sure to follow it.
maggiejo
Comment Written 21-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
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Hi MaggieJo,
It is one of those things that makes ya wonder how you'd behave in a similar situation. Believe me, writing it was very tense, LOL.
Thanks for the wonderful words,
Gayle
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I can very well believe it. maggiejo
Comment from mushroom
yes kept me hanging onto my seat, it has that element of oh god what would i do if, well written and a great story line i liked it a lot
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
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yes kept me hanging onto my seat, it has that element of oh god what would i do if, well written and a great story line i liked it a lot
Comment Written 21-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
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Well, Hi, Mushroom,
What a cute name. Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. I think this is the first time I've met you. I appreciate your comments so much.
Gayle
Comment from empire76
This is a wonderful chapter of your book. The story makes me curious about what happened before now and what will happen next. There were also some very interesting bit, like when I came across the aspect of the two girls being naked.
Seems like you have a winner.
Empi
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2008
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This is a wonderful chapter of your book. The story makes me curious about what happened before now and what will happen next. There were also some very interesting bit, like when I came across the aspect of the two girls being naked.
Seems like you have a winner.
Empi
Comment Written 18-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2008
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Hi Empi,
It's so hard to figure out what the heck is going on in ch. 16, but these girls were kidnapped by a psychotic who figured if he took their shoes and clothes away they'd be less apt to try to escape. When they manage to get away they begin the journey naked. They're thrilled to find some clothes.
If you think about it, running in the woods like that, what an incredibly intimidating experience, huh?
Thanks so much for reading this chapter. If it catches your fance, it's finished and available to read. No need to review unless you want to.
Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement!
Gayle
Comment from Stephy Jemmisparks
Yeah. i am enjoying, Gayle. I love everything.The girls are in hot soup again. I feel sorry for them! Its getting a bit more novel like, it started out very much like a retelling of a real news story, i love it very still, and i am always honest,so it may also mean i point out both what i l like as well as feel uncomfortable about. The pace over here is a little riddled. You kind of find yourself uncertain of the spontaneous plot it has always been, the predictivity of the scenes, and thats makes this chapter very much unique. I would suggest that the missed out sign be noticed by a certain person or animal in the story as you usually do it, and thus has made the story come alive, rather than have it narrated by the narrator I am assigning a six star because this is a very difficult trasition of the story plot and you have done it pace-fully , gracefully , containing ssuspense and engaging the audience with the emotions fully intacted at the same time.
Stephy
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2008
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Yeah. i am enjoying, Gayle. I love everything.The girls are in hot soup again. I feel sorry for them! Its getting a bit more novel like, it started out very much like a retelling of a real news story, i love it very still, and i am always honest,so it may also mean i point out both what i l like as well as feel uncomfortable about. The pace over here is a little riddled. You kind of find yourself uncertain of the spontaneous plot it has always been, the predictivity of the scenes, and thats makes this chapter very much unique. I would suggest that the missed out sign be noticed by a certain person or animal in the story as you usually do it, and thus has made the story come alive, rather than have it narrated by the narrator I am assigning a six star because this is a very difficult trasition of the story plot and you have done it pace-fully , gracefully , containing ssuspense and engaging the audience with the emotions fully intacted at the same time.
Stephy
Comment Written 10-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2008
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Hey Stephy,
WOW! A Sixer! I'm so thrilled and truly thankful for that high award. Let me check out how I can do that with the sign. It's pretty far down that lane, chaining off access from the road. But I'll do something about it.
Thanks again, sweetie, I so appreciate this,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Very good.
Terry nudged as a close-up showed trees exploding, sending chunks of trees high in the air then ending in fiery showers.
(You have 'trees' twice maybe use branches or limbs in the second part)
We should have found them by now."
should've
hugs
book
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Very good.
Terry nudged as a close-up showed trees exploding, sending chunks of trees high in the air then ending in fiery showers.
(You have 'trees' twice maybe use branches or limbs in the second part)
We should have found them by now."
should've
hugs
book
Comment Written 09-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Oh, Eddie's dead. Killed him with my bare hands..strangulated the little turd, actually. All is well in Fanstorydom..for the moment.
Fires are the worst. Man, I'll take a good old fashioned earthquake any day. Only thing that's really bad about them is they give no warning whatsoever, and for whatever reason, come at night when you're sleeping, which just adds to the panic.
'Course, tornados are the pits, too. All in all, I believe in the old adage, "It's not nice to 'f' with Mother Nature. LOL!
Thanks and see you again soon!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hi Gayle!
Whew! I'm all caught up again! Another good one, the ending really well done. I wonder where Lenny and Jim are in relation to the girls, and if they will find them before the fire situation gets any worse, or darkness falls.
Things are pretty smooth here, just a few things:
Terry nudged as a close-up showed trees exploding, sending chunks of trees high in the air then ending in fiery showers
(instead of 'then ending', maybe 'which ended'? - something didn't read quite smooth to me there.)
The smell of fire set off the dog's nerves and for the past hour or so, she became more and more agitated, often nudging Ella's hand and whining.
(you would need 'she had become more and more agitated' the way this is phrased. Hmm.. The smell of fire set of the dog's nerves and she became more and more agitated....??)
Unable to hear, Ella pointed down the hill and made the telephone gesture with her hand and waved at Terry
(double 'and' here. Adjust.)
Terrified creatures tore across the roads, sometimes zigzagging back and forth, frantic with fear
('Terrified' at the beginning. 'frantic w/ fear' at the end. Consider kicking one. A little redundant.)
Shit," he said succinctly, (<--need the 'succinctly'??)
That's it!
Take care,
Sis
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Hi Gayle!
Whew! I'm all caught up again! Another good one, the ending really well done. I wonder where Lenny and Jim are in relation to the girls, and if they will find them before the fire situation gets any worse, or darkness falls.
Things are pretty smooth here, just a few things:
Terry nudged as a close-up showed trees exploding, sending chunks of trees high in the air then ending in fiery showers
(instead of 'then ending', maybe 'which ended'? - something didn't read quite smooth to me there.)
The smell of fire set off the dog's nerves and for the past hour or so, she became more and more agitated, often nudging Ella's hand and whining.
(you would need 'she had become more and more agitated' the way this is phrased. Hmm.. The smell of fire set of the dog's nerves and she became more and more agitated....??)
Unable to hear, Ella pointed down the hill and made the telephone gesture with her hand and waved at Terry
(double 'and' here. Adjust.)
Terrified creatures tore across the roads, sometimes zigzagging back and forth, frantic with fear
('Terrified' at the beginning. 'frantic w/ fear' at the end. Consider kicking one. A little redundant.)
Shit," he said succinctly, (<--need the 'succinctly'??)
That's it!
Take care,
Sis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Hip hip horay! Hat's off to ya, Sis.
Okay, if you get a minute, check back into this. I made several big changes in the areas of concern, kicked suscinctly, and am still working on terrified/frantic.
You the bestest!
Hugs,
Gayle