Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Summer"A book of a mixture of stories
37 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol.. really enjoyed this story. You built up tension as you told of the stomach pains Tania was having. While I wanted to believe they were labor pains I feared that they might be something more ominous. I'm glad I was wrong. A very uplifting and well written story. Good luck in the contest....blessings.....chey
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
  |
Hi Carol.. really enjoyed this story. You built up tension as you told of the stomach pains Tania was having. While I wanted to believe they were labor pains I feared that they might be something more ominous. I'm glad I was wrong. A very uplifting and well written story. Good luck in the contest....blessings.....chey
Comment Written 02-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
-
Chey
Thanks so much for your kind review. I greatly appreciate it and am glad that you enjoyed the story. Smiling at you, Carol
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice story that revolves around a family's daily activities. Tania's pregnancy and the birth of her baby were somehow unexpected. Anyhow, i think it was well written. kudos
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
|
This is a nice story that revolves around a family's daily activities. Tania's pregnancy and the birth of her baby were somehow unexpected. Anyhow, i think it was well written. kudos
Comment Written 02-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
-
Perp
She was raised by her grandmother, who taught her never to make a fuss about things, just do your daily work and God will take care of everything else...thus the baby.
Thanks for enjoying the story. I truly appreciate it. Carol
Comment from Veoto
A wonderful, kind story. The only thing I even slightly wish was added would be a glimpse at the interchange between Betsy and Tania upon her return. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
|
A wonderful, kind story. The only thing I even slightly wish was added would be a glimpse at the interchange between Betsy and Tania upon her return. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 02-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
-
Veoto
I never thought of that but you are right, Betsy "the precocious" child would have a thing or two to say. Thank yo so much for your kind comments. CArol
Comment from jmdg1954
A great entry into the summertime story contest. You reviewed mine, very much appreciated.... upon reading yours, I can see that I have a lot of work ahead of me... Thank you
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
A great entry into the summertime story contest. You reviewed mine, very much appreciated.... upon reading yours, I can see that I have a lot of work ahead of me... Thank you
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
jmdg
Thank you for the kind comments. I am glad that you enjoyed my story. I appreciate it very much. Carol
Comment from Lainee...
Hi BeginAgain,
This is a lovely story with good content from the beginning and too soon to end. It took me back in time to old movies I recall watching as a child.
I figured early on in the story that she must be pregnant but it was a bit of a surprise that she was about to give birth!
Goodluck,
L:O)
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
Hi BeginAgain,
This is a lovely story with good content from the beginning and too soon to end. It took me back in time to old movies I recall watching as a child.
I figured early on in the story that she must be pregnant but it was a bit of a surprise that she was about to give birth!
Goodluck,
L:O)
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
Barlee
I am so glad that you enjoyed the story. I appreciate the review. Carol
Comment from Stacia Ann
Hi, Begin. I've also entered this contest so thought I'd stop by.
Just offhand, wondering if you would consider changing the font? The all-bold is going to be hard on my middle-aged eyes, I can already tell:)
I like the sensory details of "sear" and "leathered feet" in the first paragraph, establishing place and time immediately.
An interesting setting--I think even today there are pockets of places like this in the rural south, where life has continued like it has for centuries, the social structure not much altered by the Civil Rights era.
Wonder if you might consider switching paragraphs 2 and 3--establishing setting and character more before going into the history.
Concerns: I found myself a little confused by all the characters, but then that may just be part of the feel of the story, evoking the feel of a large, rambling rural home.
Some of the dialogue seems a little too formal, such as the one between Betsy and Tania when they're getting the canning materials. People don't usually use full sentences in conversation and use more contractions.
A good surprise ending, but one that left me initially confused, to be honest--my first thought was, since no one had referred to Tania's pregnancy, that they didn't know and that perhaps Tania herself didn't know. Looking back, I see there are clues to her condition but still wonder if there would have been some overt reference to it--whether anyone would have told her not to be doing physical labor, for example. Then again, this could just be a cultural difference.
Thanks for sharing this. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
Hi, Begin. I've also entered this contest so thought I'd stop by.
Just offhand, wondering if you would consider changing the font? The all-bold is going to be hard on my middle-aged eyes, I can already tell:)
I like the sensory details of "sear" and "leathered feet" in the first paragraph, establishing place and time immediately.
An interesting setting--I think even today there are pockets of places like this in the rural south, where life has continued like it has for centuries, the social structure not much altered by the Civil Rights era.
Wonder if you might consider switching paragraphs 2 and 3--establishing setting and character more before going into the history.
Concerns: I found myself a little confused by all the characters, but then that may just be part of the feel of the story, evoking the feel of a large, rambling rural home.
Some of the dialogue seems a little too formal, such as the one between Betsy and Tania when they're getting the canning materials. People don't usually use full sentences in conversation and use more contractions.
A good surprise ending, but one that left me initially confused, to be honest--my first thought was, since no one had referred to Tania's pregnancy, that they didn't know and that perhaps Tania herself didn't know. Looking back, I see there are clues to her condition but still wonder if there would have been some overt reference to it--whether anyone would have told her not to be doing physical labor, for example. Then again, this could just be a cultural difference.
Thanks for sharing this. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
Stacia
It was a cultural thing behind my thinking with Tania...I thought about the women who use to work in the fields, stop to have a baby, and return...certainly unlike most women today. I will reread the story and keep your suggestions in mind. Thank you again...Carol
-
Carol, that makes perfect sense--I don't think the story needs any revision.
Thanks again for sharing--
Stacia
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Absolutely lovely story, Carole. Engaging, compelling writing! Your descriptions are perfect, and your dialog is spot on--very believable.
The character you have created in Tania is so likable in every way; a true three-dimensional character.
I was a little surprised at the ending. Even though you telegraphed it a couple of times, I kept on telling myself, no she couldn't be preggers; she wouldn't be working so hard so close to delivery, but then again, you did paint a picture of a strong young woman who has, perhaps, an overdeveloped work ethic. :)
The only thing I would like to have seen would be Lamont coming home safely. Bu then again, I'm a sucker for those kinds of endings.
John
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
Absolutely lovely story, Carole. Engaging, compelling writing! Your descriptions are perfect, and your dialog is spot on--very believable.
The character you have created in Tania is so likable in every way; a true three-dimensional character.
I was a little surprised at the ending. Even though you telegraphed it a couple of times, I kept on telling myself, no she couldn't be preggers; she wouldn't be working so hard so close to delivery, but then again, you did paint a picture of a strong young woman who has, perhaps, an overdeveloped work ethic. :)
The only thing I would like to have seen would be Lamont coming home safely. Bu then again, I'm a sucker for those kinds of endings.
John
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
John
I too would like to see that...too many of our young people are dying or being maimed for life. Thanks for enjoying the sotyr and for your kind comments. Carol
Comment from mycrob2
This was a wonderful story. It had awesome development of the imagery and character development for being a short story. I guessed correctly on the ending about half way through, based on the author's very subtle foreshadowing clues. It was very well done.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
This was a wonderful story. It had awesome development of the imagery and character development for being a short story. I guessed correctly on the ending about half way through, based on the author's very subtle foreshadowing clues. It was very well done.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
mycrob
Thank you so much for the very kind review. I am glad that you enjoyed my story. Carol
Comment from honeytree
I love reading these words so much and the writer told this so well with her words. I liked the friendly feeling within the words and the help given to those who needed help. The teamwork working as they did was really impressive.
I loved reading this story from start to finish.I loved the news of the baby of the baby girl in Tania's arms.
Wonderful writing
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
I love reading these words so much and the writer told this so well with her words. I liked the friendly feeling within the words and the help given to those who needed help. The teamwork working as they did was really impressive.
I loved reading this story from start to finish.I loved the news of the baby of the baby girl in Tania's arms.
Wonderful writing
Honeytree.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
honeytree
Thank you for enjoying my story and understanding the connection between all the characters. I appreciate your review. Carol
-
I am glad you like the review and I enjoyed reading this very much. Honeytree.
Comment from wordcrafter
The author immerses her readers in the experience of a hot summer sun scorching the land and its hardworking laborers.
Yet, there is a lot of love in this story, both among the family members living on the farm and for the distant member--the soldier writing them from afar.
The poverty and hard work are difficult, but not only does the family survive, it adds a new member, appropriately named Summer.
This is a realistic and enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
|
The author immerses her readers in the experience of a hot summer sun scorching the land and its hardworking laborers.
Yet, there is a lot of love in this story, both among the family members living on the farm and for the distant member--the soldier writing them from afar.
The poverty and hard work are difficult, but not only does the family survive, it adds a new member, appropriately named Summer.
This is a realistic and enjoyable read.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
-
tlang
I am so glad that you enjoyed the story. I thought it had a lot of warmth in it between the family and the laborers too. Thanks for the review. Carol