A Night From Hell
A ride home takes a bad turn27 total reviews
Comment from Bellringer
Very well done story which for many would have ended quite differently. In fiction, I always want the good person to win, I always cheer for the under dog. In real life, the good guys win too--the strong ones always manage to make it through another day. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Very well done story which for many would have ended quite differently. In fiction, I always want the good person to win, I always cheer for the under dog. In real life, the good guys win too--the strong ones always manage to make it through another day. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Thanks so much for the nice review. I'm sorry it took so long to answer. I've not be able to get to the computer much lately.
Beth
Comment from afternoonlight
On the edge of my seat. You are a good story teller. Seems this piece calls to be longer and more involved or part of a bigger tale. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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On the edge of my seat. You are a good story teller. Seems this piece calls to be longer and more involved or part of a bigger tale. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Thanks. Sorry this is so late. My computer has been down.
Beth
Comment from bhogg
Hi Beth - I enjoyed your story. It is interesting how after the really dark times, you can still see beauty. Miranda did. This should be a good contest entry. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Hi Beth - I enjoyed your story. It is interesting how after the really dark times, you can still see beauty. Miranda did. This should be a good contest entry. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Thank you so much for the kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Beth
Comment from JeffreyStone
This is an excellent nominee for Story of the Month. It carries a message for many young girls who unwittingly put themselves in the way of danger. Your story is well-written with good narrative and believable dialogue. Best of luck. JeffreyStone
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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This is an excellent nominee for Story of the Month. It carries a message for many young girls who unwittingly put themselves in the way of danger. Your story is well-written with good narrative and believable dialogue. Best of luck. JeffreyStone
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Thank you Jeffrey, I really appreciate the review and comments.
Beth
Comment from rmdelta
Beth,
this is an excellent contest entry. Great descriptives provide excellent imagery and the message is correctly delivered as a warning to other women. Nice work and good luck.
Reggie
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Beth,
this is an excellent contest entry. Great descriptives provide excellent imagery and the message is correctly delivered as a warning to other women. Nice work and good luck.
Reggie
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Thank you Reggie, I really appreciate the review and the nice comments.
Beth
Comment from samandlancelot
Riveting story. I wonder what happened to the would be rapist. Will he go after her again? Will she report the crime? You leave me to my imagination, which I like.
he'd had more to drink that (than) she had thought when she
threatened she felt in the light of day (add period)
She felt a sense a (of) strength she had never felt before.
Patricia
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Riveting story. I wonder what happened to the would be rapist. Will he go after her again? Will she report the crime? You leave me to my imagination, which I like.
he'd had more to drink that (than) she had thought when she
threatened she felt in the light of day (add period)
She felt a sense a (of) strength she had never felt before.
Patricia
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Thank you so much and forgive the late reply. My computer has been down and I've also had a lot of company.
Beth
Comment from daniela.albu
The story starts with a powerful paragraph on how frightening the woods can be at night:
"She ran blindly through bushes and trees, rhododendrons clawing at her face as she knelt, hiding, watching fearfully as they came, floating, glowing like miniature winged aurora borealis, creeping in on the damp night air; nasty little flitting butterflies hunting her down to whisper evil things in her ears. The woods were frightening at night,"..
During the night of hell, Miranda finds out that she is a survivor and she discovers the mirific beauty of the woods at daytime, feeling strong and realizing that she is a survivor. The story is powerful and the plot is contoured like drawing a perfect circle. It starts and ends with the description of the woods but from totally different angles. Fear is defeated and Miranda realizes the beauty of her own strength admiring the wonderful woods in the daylight.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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The story starts with a powerful paragraph on how frightening the woods can be at night:
"She ran blindly through bushes and trees, rhododendrons clawing at her face as she knelt, hiding, watching fearfully as they came, floating, glowing like miniature winged aurora borealis, creeping in on the damp night air; nasty little flitting butterflies hunting her down to whisper evil things in her ears. The woods were frightening at night,"..
During the night of hell, Miranda finds out that she is a survivor and she discovers the mirific beauty of the woods at daytime, feeling strong and realizing that she is a survivor. The story is powerful and the plot is contoured like drawing a perfect circle. It starts and ends with the description of the woods but from totally different angles. Fear is defeated and Miranda realizes the beauty of her own strength admiring the wonderful woods in the daylight.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Thank you so much for the really lovely review. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Beth
Comment from TimothyGriffin
Nice piece. There were some real nice phrases used here like, "nasty little flitting butterflies hunting her down to whisper evil things in her ears." I like the creativity giving a sinister quality to butterflies, something fairly innocent. For me, I would've like to see a little more detail about the relationship between Alex and Miranda before he tried to attack her. As the narrator, she says something about him seemed evil. But, she takes a ride from him, anyway? And a little too quickly, Alex shifts gears from forcing unwanted advances to attempted murderer. Plus, when I read it, it seemed like this should be an intro. piece to a larger sketch on Miranda because we learn that she feared the big city and she was right. Kind of a downer - never trust anyone - to the upbeat ending (she was a survivor).
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Nice piece. There were some real nice phrases used here like, "nasty little flitting butterflies hunting her down to whisper evil things in her ears." I like the creativity giving a sinister quality to butterflies, something fairly innocent. For me, I would've like to see a little more detail about the relationship between Alex and Miranda before he tried to attack her. As the narrator, she says something about him seemed evil. But, she takes a ride from him, anyway? And a little too quickly, Alex shifts gears from forcing unwanted advances to attempted murderer. Plus, when I read it, it seemed like this should be an intro. piece to a larger sketch on Miranda because we learn that she feared the big city and she was right. Kind of a downer - never trust anyone - to the upbeat ending (she was a survivor).
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Thanks, I'm sorry I'm so late getting back but I've had computer problems. I'll take your suggestions into account and make some revisions.
Beth
Comment from kellyeyes
Very good!!!!!!! As I was reading it I felt like I was in the story. It was very deep and catchy. I would recommend this story to anyone and everyone.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Very good!!!!!!! As I was reading it I felt like I was in the story. It was very deep and catchy. I would recommend this story to anyone and everyone.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm glad you liked the story.
Beth
Comment from kath79
What a great story. The tension builds nicely, and it's really easy to read. You've taken a situation that unfortunately can occur all too often these days, and worked it into a fantastic story. Well done, and the best of luck.
Kath
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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What a great story. The tension builds nicely, and it's really easy to read. You've taken a situation that unfortunately can occur all too often these days, and worked it into a fantastic story. Well done, and the best of luck.
Kath
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Thank you Kath, I appreciate the review. I glad you enjoyed it.
Beth