Leslie Ann's Exploits
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Leslie Ann's millions"A spoiled young lady who learns the hard way
22 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
Looking forward to reading more. She sounds like a spoiled little lass. Millions to play with... what fun. I could get my Dad our of Zimbabwe and then I could go on holiday...
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Looking forward to reading more. She sounds like a spoiled little lass. Millions to play with... what fun. I could get my Dad our of Zimbabwe and then I could go on holiday...
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks, Curly Girly!
Comment from jjstar
Interesting format for a book chapter? I wasn't sure whether it was free verse poetry or a general chapter..whatever..
Well, on one hand I say, "What a little manipulative, cunning, and conniving bitch. How dare she take advantage of the folks?" Then again, it sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If they taught her everything she knows, I guess all is fair? Who knows...but great story which surely presents some unanswerable questions..
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Interesting format for a book chapter? I wasn't sure whether it was free verse poetry or a general chapter..whatever..
Well, on one hand I say, "What a little manipulative, cunning, and conniving bitch. How dare she take advantage of the folks?" Then again, it sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If they taught her everything she knows, I guess all is fair? Who knows...but great story which surely presents some unanswerable questions..
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks. I know story poems aren't new, but I decided to try my hand at writing a story in verse of a spoiled, rich young lady who is used to getting what she wants. When she goes to college, she becomes obsessed with her chemistry professor. At the onset, there's a three-way love relationship that eventually unfolds in, hopefully, a dramatic way.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good episode. That scheming little witch! Sure wish I had a million dollar allowance... wouldn't ask to have it doubled.
Some punct errors:
>>Her traitorous body
LOve that line!
>>an exotic beauty.
Who learned from her parents
Remove period from end of line.
>>And on her parents, she could always persuade.
Remove "on".
>>She decided she'd try another tactic this time, and
Remove comma.
>>"Mom, Dad you look like you
Add comma after "Dad".
>>mother beamed and kissed her cheeks,
"We love
Use period here, not comma. It's an action tag, not a dialogue tag.
>>mergers and acquisitions lately
Period after "lately"
>>Thinking, how she'd get Jonathan
Remove comma.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Very good episode. That scheming little witch! Sure wish I had a million dollar allowance... wouldn't ask to have it doubled.
Some punct errors:
>>Her traitorous body
LOve that line!
>>an exotic beauty.
Who learned from her parents
Remove period from end of line.
>>And on her parents, she could always persuade.
Remove "on".
>>She decided she'd try another tactic this time, and
Remove comma.
>>"Mom, Dad you look like you
Add comma after "Dad".
>>mother beamed and kissed her cheeks,
"We love
Use period here, not comma. It's an action tag, not a dialogue tag.
>>mergers and acquisitions lately
Period after "lately"
>>Thinking, how she'd get Jonathan
Remove comma.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks!
Comment from JM daSilva
Her parents should know who she is, at least. Did she change overnight? Was she always manipulative? Were her parents paying attention to her? How can she do it if they were paying attention to whom they were raising?
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Her parents should know who she is, at least. Did she change overnight? Was she always manipulative? Were her parents paying attention to her? How can she do it if they were paying attention to whom they were raising?
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks, JM daSilva. Leslie Ann's parents knows she is devious, but they think she will grow out of it. Unfortunately, she doesn't.
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Yeah, that's a problem. Self-deceit. I get it.
Comment from EMB
Smiling wickedly? Why would she have to be so wicked? There's no real obstacle in her way because her parents seem to be stricken with a stupidity and a touch of "don't give a damn." LOL This is just a fun read with no real highs or lows. It's just ambling along the shoulder of a weird and spoiled brat with weirder parents. LOL
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Smiling wickedly? Why would she have to be so wicked? There's no real obstacle in her way because her parents seem to be stricken with a stupidity and a touch of "don't give a damn." LOL This is just a fun read with no real highs or lows. It's just ambling along the shoulder of a weird and spoiled brat with weirder parents. LOL
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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You're always so sane, so right - LOL. I hope to get to some highs real soon and I really want your response. Thanks a million! Dossie
Comment from Gungalo
Smiling wickedly, Leslie Ann's mind moved to high gear,
Thinking in a day she would have the money in hand.
Her heart throbbed and her mind cried Jonathan's name,
And she knew in her heart, she'd finally get her man.
Her parents believe anything she says but I don't thing Jonathon is going to be quite so easy to dissuade.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Smiling wickedly, Leslie Ann's mind moved to high gear,
Thinking in a day she would have the money in hand.
Her heart throbbed and her mind cried Jonathan's name,
And she knew in her heart, she'd finally get her man.
Her parents believe anything she says but I don't thing Jonathon is going to be quite so easy to dissuade.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks!
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Smiling at you.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
I've never tried to really do any fiction but this you have written very well. I'm glad it's fiction because the character was deceiving. Great job. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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I've never tried to really do any fiction but this you have written very well. I'm glad it's fiction because the character was deceiving. Great job. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Many thanks, Evelyn!
Comment from Terror2s
This flowed beautifully, and I enjoyed the story. If I have time I will have to look over some of your other entries. I do not have any suggestions. T2
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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This flowed beautifully, and I enjoyed the story. If I have time I will have to look over some of your other entries. I do not have any suggestions. T2
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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I really appreciate your comments, Terror2s!
Comment from angelmagnet
All that beauty and millions of bucks besides. This girl has it made in the shade. No one would stand to chance against her wicked and wily ways
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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All that beauty and millions of bucks besides. This girl has it made in the shade. No one would stand to chance against her wicked and wily ways
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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I do appreciate you and your comments! Dossie
Comment from alexisleech
And who says you can't buy love? sadly, too many think they can and end up buying nothing but agony for everyone involved. I'm loving the story and your excellent rhyme and meter.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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And who says you can't buy love? sadly, too many think they can and end up buying nothing but agony for everyone involved. I'm loving the story and your excellent rhyme and meter.
Alexis x
Comment Written 13-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks!