Basic
A Comedy of Terrors.17 total reviews
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Brad a tremendous Tuesday to you. I hope this finds you well. First let me say thank you for your service. I liked your Writing prompt story it was engaging and amusing, glad you viewed it as the time of your life. Good job and good luck!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
  |
Hello Brad a tremendous Tuesday to you. I hope this finds you well. First let me say thank you for your service. I liked your Writing prompt story it was engaging and amusing, glad you viewed it as the time of your life. Good job and good luck!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
-
Many thanks, glad you liked it
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good work.
You have probably already heard from some of my fellow Marines about boot camp (13 weeks) so I won't make any comparisons. Just know that being captured by the VC was not particularly a terrifying thought.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
|
Well written. Good work.
You have probably already heard from some of my fellow Marines about boot camp (13 weeks) so I won't make any comparisons. Just know that being captured by the VC was not particularly a terrifying thought.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
-
Thanks Wayne. Yes. I heard about Marine boot camp from one of my classmates. My stories didn't impress him too much. :>)
-
lol
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Your scratchings have meaning (and they flow well without SPAGs - rare in my experience). I really enjoyed this description of your entry into adulthood and how it moulded you.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
|
Your scratchings have meaning (and they flow well without SPAGs - rare in my experience). I really enjoyed this description of your entry into adulthood and how it moulded you.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2022
-
Thanks Katherine. Yes, it was a growing experience.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I liked your story. It reminded me of when my son was in Marine BootCamp in SanDiego. I witnessed a young man being called everything but a decent kid. I told my daughter that if it had been my son, I would have done my best to knock his head from his shoulders. It was a good thing it was graduation day. You did a good job, and I didn't find any errors. Have a good evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
|
I liked your story. It reminded me of when my son was in Marine BootCamp in SanDiego. I witnessed a young man being called everything but a decent kid. I told my daughter that if it had been my son, I would have done my best to knock his head from his shoulders. It was a good thing it was graduation day. You did a good job, and I didn't find any errors. Have a good evening. Shirley
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
-
Thanks, Shirley, much appreciated
Comment from T B Botts
Well done Brad.
I didn't realize how difficult your generation had it, although only ten years later I was in boot camp in Great Lakes Illinois in January. I was in the navy and the wind that came off Lake Michigan would cause tears to fall and freeze on our faces while we stood outside in our Pea coats at attention waiting to get into the chow hall. I never experienced anything quite so brutal as you described. It sounds like the DI's were a little over the top then. I guess they were doing as they were told though. Glad you made it through. You told your story well. Congratulations.
Tom
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
 |
Well done Brad.
I didn't realize how difficult your generation had it, although only ten years later I was in boot camp in Great Lakes Illinois in January. I was in the navy and the wind that came off Lake Michigan would cause tears to fall and freeze on our faces while we stood outside in our Pea coats at attention waiting to get into the chow hall. I never experienced anything quite so brutal as you described. It sounds like the DI's were a little over the top then. I guess they were doing as they were told though. Glad you made it through. You told your story well. Congratulations.
Tom
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
-
From what I hear, Basic is more humane now. Back then, DI's weren't profiled for psychological traits, but it is still tough for sure. Thank you for the 6 stars! I am honored. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very well written and quite interesting. I graduated in '64 and by November my boy friends were disappearing and returning as men who couldn't sit on a sofa to talk to me because their head was above the horizon. I do understand how the lessons you learned in basic could become a "good" memory, because you had to grow into men so quickly. This seems highly publishable but I haven't come up with a suggestion as to where is should go. Certainly a good entry into the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
|
This is very well written and quite interesting. I graduated in '64 and by November my boy friends were disappearing and returning as men who couldn't sit on a sofa to talk to me because their head was above the horizon. I do understand how the lessons you learned in basic could become a "good" memory, because you had to grow into men so quickly. This seems highly publishable but I haven't come up with a suggestion as to where is should go. Certainly a good entry into the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
-
Thank you Carol, so glad you liked it. The contest was an old one, but I put this back on as its my favorite story. There was nothing like the sixties, and as you know, it had quite an impact on us.
Comment from Susan Newell
I wish I had a six for this, despite some spags. There are some places where I think italics would have done better than caps, but understand the posting limitations here. This is exceptional in terms of story-telling, character development (the ones you wrote into being), and character development (your own) through relentless discipline. I have heard numerous shorter, but similar, versions from other men who survived boot camp and thrived afterwards (my husband included). The military used to be The Great Leveler (in terms of opportunity), though I don't know that it still is. Great job and thanks for the read.
Notes:
none more so when we reached Las Angeles. -- suggest "none more so than when"
I wondered if Angel was out there somewhere walking a dusty road, looking for a new life somewhere? -- not a question
The guy snapped the tray back, but THEN for some unexplainable reason, he flipped the tray back up to the VERTICLE? -- not a question ==> vertical
we trudged around the Airbase ==> airbase
night watch man's ==> nightwatchman's (I think)
male dominatrix. -- trix is feminine -- suggest replacement with "sadistic sexual dominator"
Amarillo Air Force base Texas. ==> Base (since it's specific)
I went to the Base Exchange -- base exchange (non-specific, comparable to store)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
I wish I had a six for this, despite some spags. There are some places where I think italics would have done better than caps, but understand the posting limitations here. This is exceptional in terms of story-telling, character development (the ones you wrote into being), and character development (your own) through relentless discipline. I have heard numerous shorter, but similar, versions from other men who survived boot camp and thrived afterwards (my husband included). The military used to be The Great Leveler (in terms of opportunity), though I don't know that it still is. Great job and thanks for the read.
Notes:
none more so when we reached Las Angeles. -- suggest "none more so than when"
I wondered if Angel was out there somewhere walking a dusty road, looking for a new life somewhere? -- not a question
The guy snapped the tray back, but THEN for some unexplainable reason, he flipped the tray back up to the VERTICLE? -- not a question ==> vertical
we trudged around the Airbase ==> airbase
night watch man's ==> nightwatchman's (I think)
male dominatrix. -- trix is feminine -- suggest replacement with "sadistic sexual dominator"
Amarillo Air Force base Texas. ==> Base (since it's specific)
I went to the Base Exchange -- base exchange (non-specific, comparable to store)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Thank you, Susan. So glad you liked it. Yes, the damn italics show smaller so it's hard to use them. Good eye on those typos. I guess I used question marks to show the uncertainty of the scene. But the story must do that. 'Base' is part of the name and it should be capitalized as you show. I like your suggestion, for the Bulldog DI,s tag, but best not to use 'sexual.' The Forces will have a problem with that! :>)
-
You are welcome. I really enjoyed the detail of your story.
Comment from Sanku
I was quite shocked to read what goes on in Basic Training.later as I came to the part where you said it had toughened you up,the I kind of reconcile myself with these facts..Very well written
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
|
I was quite shocked to read what goes on in Basic Training.later as I came to the part where you said it had toughened you up,the I kind of reconcile myself with these facts..Very well written
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
-
Thank you for your 6 stars Sanka. Yes, the military training is harsh, the Airforce is easier now, but training for marines, etc, is very tough, they have important jobs, but almost all come out feeling they are part of something important.
Comment from BethShelby
I read you story with a good deal of interest. It sounds a lot like the story my husband told me about his first days in the military. I'm sure there were many times the first week that you wished you had not decided to join. This was very well told and very scary but also amusing.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
|
I read you story with a good deal of interest. It sounds a lot like the story my husband told me about his first days in the military. I'm sure there were many times the first week that you wished you had not decided to join. This was very well told and very scary but also amusing.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
-
Thanks for your review Beth. Your are correct about the first week, in fact they are waiting for deserters during this time, its a weeding out process. Most of us never forget those memories, it shaped our early lives.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! This story is so descriptive and emotionally charged that I could almost relate to the many tales my husband told me about his experiences in basic training during the same period of time. With each story example, you gave a summary letting the reader know why that particular incident was included. Well done.
You may want to look at this one word: I walked the "trail," hoping I might run across him.
Do you mean I walked the "train...?"
To me, the two funniest lines were 1. noodles, carrots and celery, and
2. "Bless my locker and make it right."
This is definitely a six. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
|
Wow! This story is so descriptive and emotionally charged that I could almost relate to the many tales my husband told me about his experiences in basic training during the same period of time. With each story example, you gave a summary letting the reader know why that particular incident was included. Well done.
You may want to look at this one word: I walked the "trail," hoping I might run across him.
Do you mean I walked the "train...?"
To me, the two funniest lines were 1. noodles, carrots and celery, and
2. "Bless my locker and make it right."
This is definitely a six. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
-
'Wow' to you back Butterfly! Thank you so much for the 6 stars. It really is satisfying to know a fellow writer likes one's work. And thanks for spotting that typo. Brad