Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Abandoned"A collection of poems on these themes
109 total reviews
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow Steve, a beautiful haunting lull to this as time ravaged the special place where your sweetheart's garden bloomed.
I enjoyed this stanza in particular:
"Cracked the windows, sightless, staring;
hanging drunk, the wayward door;
shingles tossed by stormy blaring,
bony litter on the floor."
I thought your wayward door, albeit full as the proverbial boot was a priceless description, as were MANY lines in this. Outta sixers, sorry, but this superb write is deserving of one.
Cheers P
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
Wow Steve, a beautiful haunting lull to this as time ravaged the special place where your sweetheart's garden bloomed.
I enjoyed this stanza in particular:
"Cracked the windows, sightless, staring;
hanging drunk, the wayward door;
shingles tossed by stormy blaring,
bony litter on the floor."
I thought your wayward door, albeit full as the proverbial boot was a priceless description, as were MANY lines in this. Outta sixers, sorry, but this superb write is deserving of one.
Cheers P
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Phillippa, for the great review and the virtual sixer.
Channelling Edgar Allan - I think his muse came visiting while I was dreaming.
Steve
Comment from Njorgensen
This is simply amazing. The melody of the piece creates a smooth rocking effect that eases the reader through each stanza. Your use of metaphors is extraordinary. And I admire your keen utilization of imagery. If ever there was need for a six star rating, it would be now. Excellent work, simply fantastic!
Njorgensen
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
This is simply amazing. The melody of the piece creates a smooth rocking effect that eases the reader through each stanza. Your use of metaphors is extraordinary. And I admire your keen utilization of imagery. If ever there was need for a six star rating, it would be now. Excellent work, simply fantastic!
Njorgensen
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the great review - I am glad you caught the intended musicality of the piece.
I appreciate the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Glasstruth
Wow! What a lonely, desolate feeling, as you write of love gone. Very haunting as well. Your lines, metaphors flow with such ease, as if the wind blew them across my screen. Nice alliteration. Rhyming smooth as can be. Awesome! Les
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
Wow! What a lonely, desolate feeling, as you write of love gone. Very haunting as well. Your lines, metaphors flow with such ease, as if the wind blew them across my screen. Nice alliteration. Rhyming smooth as can be. Awesome! Les
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Les, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Cedar
This is an exceptional piece of writing my friend. The presentation leads the reader right into the beginning of a wild and wicked storm. The style of rhythm that you use is outstanding, it really never lets the reader leave the page. Once they begin the first line, they're hooked. You make your stories so interesting and exciting, everyone wants to come back for more. This is a fantastic read and in my opinion, it will be hard to beat. Bill
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
This is an exceptional piece of writing my friend. The presentation leads the reader right into the beginning of a wild and wicked storm. The style of rhythm that you use is outstanding, it really never lets the reader leave the page. Once they begin the first line, they're hooked. You make your stories so interesting and exciting, everyone wants to come back for more. This is a fantastic read and in my opinion, it will be hard to beat. Bill
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Bill, thanks for reading and for the great review, not to mention the galaxy of stars. I appreciate the warmth of the review. Let's see if the judges agree with you.
Steve
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the abab rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good alliteration with weeps/wind...seething/sighing...rasps/rhythm...growl/grumble...with/wolfish...black/butt...sightless/staring...still/sea. Good rhythm and flow. Good thought provoking message that holds my attention from start to finish.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
Good use of the abab rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good alliteration with weeps/wind...seething/sighing...rasps/rhythm...growl/grumble...with/wolfish...black/butt...sightless/staring...still/sea. Good rhythm and flow. Good thought provoking message that holds my attention from start to finish.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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RR, thanks for the generous review.
Steve
Comment from DR DIP
Wow steve what a beautiful piece of perfect ABAB rhyming poetry..phonetically perfect with no proximate rhyme in sight!
I really think you are in for a big chance here Steve your use of descriptive metaphors is sublime. the only thing you have tries so hard with impressive alliteration , simile and metaphor thats sometimes there can be too many superlatives. Look it really is beautiful, I'm just used of writing in simple layman type rhyme and verse thats all but each to their own I suppose
dip
LFE CONGRATULATIONS!! WELL DESERVED!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
Wow steve what a beautiful piece of perfect ABAB rhyming poetry..phonetically perfect with no proximate rhyme in sight!
I really think you are in for a big chance here Steve your use of descriptive metaphors is sublime. the only thing you have tries so hard with impressive alliteration , simile and metaphor thats sometimes there can be too many superlatives. Look it really is beautiful, I'm just used of writing in simple layman type rhyme and verse thats all but each to their own I suppose
dip
LFE CONGRATULATIONS!! WELL DESERVED!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Dip.
I know, what you mean, but hopefully there is still a place for 'over the top' and lush description in this style of romantic verse.
Steve
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I'd vote for you for sure
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
Absolute melancholy, impermanence, and a sense of loss escapes from every stanza. The cadence and the rhymes are pristine. Classic kiwi. Good luck. Kenny
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
Absolute melancholy, impermanence, and a sense of loss escapes from every stanza. The cadence and the rhymes are pristine. Classic kiwi. Good luck. Kenny
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Kenny for the warm review and the six stars - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from Andrewajgblue
I thought this was fantastic, excellent rhyming and great imagery, I liked your descriptive wording, some good alliteration, I can't fault it, great writing,
Worth six stars easily ,
Andrew
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
I thought this was fantastic, excellent rhyming and great imagery, I liked your descriptive wording, some good alliteration, I can't fault it, great writing,
Worth six stars easily ,
Andrew
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Andrew, thanks so much for the warm review and the six shiny stars - I appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A very good poem for the abab contest. Good descriptive work about the abandoned cottage. 'Hanging drunk, the wayward door' good line and use of metaphor. Your penultimate line - small typo 'still the 'sea moans' or 'seas moan'. I love the finality of the repetition of never, never, never. A good read that flows beautifully. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
A very good poem for the abab contest. Good descriptive work about the abandoned cottage. 'Hanging drunk, the wayward door' good line and use of metaphor. Your penultimate line - small typo 'still the 'sea moans' or 'seas moan'. I love the finality of the repetition of never, never, never. A good read that flows beautifully. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Dorothy, thanks for the kind words and the sharp eye for the typo - now fixed!
Glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from rouskin
They say that abandonment is a wound that never heals
Perfectly written piece Had I six they would be yours Best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
They say that abandonment is a wound that never heals
Perfectly written piece Had I six they would be yours Best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words and the virtual six.
Steve