Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Dark Of the Moon"A book of Poetry & Writing
134 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello deepwater, A beautiful tribute to our men and woman in our armed forces. The following lines hit a chord in my heart:
Six of my brothers carry me forward, my resting place,
The eerie whine of this bugle, taps pierces this sky,
The flag she is lowered to complete my deploy.
(The end of a Soldier's path, as if he was born to die serving and defending others. So beautiful, yet so very sad, especially to the loved ones left behind.)
Beautiful artwork choice. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Hello deepwater, A beautiful tribute to our men and woman in our armed forces. The following lines hit a chord in my heart:
Six of my brothers carry me forward, my resting place,
The eerie whine of this bugle, taps pierces this sky,
The flag she is lowered to complete my deploy.
(The end of a Soldier's path, as if he was born to die serving and defending others. So beautiful, yet so very sad, especially to the loved ones left behind.)
Beautiful artwork choice. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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thank you
Comment from JaySee
Beautiful poem! Very haunting and ethereal. I will definitely be thinking about this one for a while! The beautiful language really captures the moment. It gave me chills. Great poem. I see no problems or issues whatsoever. Thank you for sharing this one.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Beautiful poem! Very haunting and ethereal. I will definitely be thinking about this one for a while! The beautiful language really captures the moment. It gave me chills. Great poem. I see no problems or issues whatsoever. Thank you for sharing this one.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from DALLAS01
I like this first person narrative poem. The point of view makes it even more haunting. Like the way you wove in the reflection of tenderness in the beginning and ended with the poignant image of six soldiers laying him to rest.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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I like this first person narrative poem. The point of view makes it even more haunting. Like the way you wove in the reflection of tenderness in the beginning and ended with the poignant image of six soldiers laying him to rest.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
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You're welcome.
Comment from Charlene0513
An excellent piece as you depict the long journey that is expected of those deployed and to those that will never forget what it was like.
Charlene
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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An excellent piece as you depict the long journey that is expected of those deployed and to those that will never forget what it was like.
Charlene
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Drew Delaney
I think the flow of this poem with its powerful words is right on. The only line I have a bit of trouble with for rhythm is 'The eerie whine of this bugle, taps pierces this sky'. For good rhythm, leave out taps. It reads very nice without the word. However, because you are going for the sound of boots or guns, I can see why you want the word there. Best wishes as you decide what you want out of this poem.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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I think the flow of this poem with its powerful words is right on. The only line I have a bit of trouble with for rhythm is 'The eerie whine of this bugle, taps pierces this sky'. For good rhythm, leave out taps. It reads very nice without the word. However, because you are going for the sound of boots or guns, I can see why you want the word there. Best wishes as you decide what you want out of this poem.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from kimdebfred
This is beautiful. Very passionate. I like the words flow with the story. Very wonderfully written. I do not write poems. I write novels, but i did enjoy this one. Good Luck.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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This is beautiful. Very passionate. I like the words flow with the story. Very wonderfully written. I do not write poems. I write novels, but i did enjoy this one. Good Luck.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Leineco
This is a beautiful homage to a fallen soldier -
his last waking moments, the memories he cherishes
the sorrow of parting, the joys he takes with him.
And the slow dignified portage to his final resting place
on the shoulders of his brother soldiers.
With a solemn, reverent closing - bugles piercing the heavens
sending him to his final deployment.
Nicely written
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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This is a beautiful homage to a fallen soldier -
his last waking moments, the memories he cherishes
the sorrow of parting, the joys he takes with him.
And the slow dignified portage to his final resting place
on the shoulders of his brother soldiers.
With a solemn, reverent closing - bugles piercing the heavens
sending him to his final deployment.
Nicely written
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming couplets including good proximate rhyming in mine/time
as we lay - lie, present tense
vivid descriptive detail
effective romantic mood
good alliteration in God's grace
a haunting poem written from the point of view of a soldier being buried with military honors
Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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solid rhyming couplets including good proximate rhyming in mine/time
as we lay - lie, present tense
vivid descriptive detail
effective romantic mood
good alliteration in God's grace
a haunting poem written from the point of view of a soldier being buried with military honors
Brooke
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Erik McGinley
Would have been nice to hear the reveille or whatever it is along with this.
Reminds me of carrying my grampa out. He never left me. Always an indelible mark upon my life.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Would have been nice to hear the reveille or whatever it is along with this.
Reminds me of carrying my grampa out. He never left me. Always an indelible mark upon my life.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
Comment from rrabinow
I enjoyed reading your poem. I like the rhyme scheme that you used. I like the description that you used in your poem. Great poem.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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I enjoyed reading your poem. I like the rhyme scheme that you used. I like the description that you used in your poem. Great poem.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014
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Thank you
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You are welcome.
