Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Riding to forget,"A book of Poetry & Writing
121 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
deepwater,
The theme was good. The flow was smooth. Your arrangement was understandable.
I need to tell you if a word is plural and it is with the apostrophe it means that it is the word + the word "is" or "has". Your plural words are plurals and do not require a word to follow them. Send me a private message after you make the corrections and I return and will give you the five stars that you want.
As this cowboy (ride's) his ranch land, all his troubles
**rides
(Issue's) lay before him are roping and cutting steers,
**Issues
Fences in the (lowland's) and the well that's come up dry,
**lowlands
This (cowboy's) heart was broken as he rides out in the storm,
**cowboys
He (feed's) the steers by daybreak and ride's the fence
**feeds
(Life's) story is unfolding in this field so far away,
**Lifes
Knowing, (Coffee) and friends are waiting to help him
**coffee
Everything else looks wonderful!
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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deepwater,
The theme was good. The flow was smooth. Your arrangement was understandable.
I need to tell you if a word is plural and it is with the apostrophe it means that it is the word + the word "is" or "has". Your plural words are plurals and do not require a word to follow them. Send me a private message after you make the corrections and I return and will give you the five stars that you want.
As this cowboy (ride's) his ranch land, all his troubles
**rides
(Issue's) lay before him are roping and cutting steers,
**Issues
Fences in the (lowland's) and the well that's come up dry,
**lowlands
This (cowboy's) heart was broken as he rides out in the storm,
**cowboys
He (feed's) the steers by daybreak and ride's the fence
**feeds
(Life's) story is unfolding in this field so far away,
**Lifes
Knowing, (Coffee) and friends are waiting to help him
**coffee
Everything else looks wonderful!
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thanks for the comments Oatmeal
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your storytelling, with the last line holding the zinger! (At the beginning, apostrophes popped into "rides," "Issues" and "lowlands.") I enjoyed your "story" metaphor and "critters" simile along with your rhymes.
(6/23: in my re-read, an apostrophe popped into "feeds" in line nine, and needs to be in "that's"--3, "cowboy's"--8, and "life's"--12.) Your poem story was as enjoyable the second time!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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I admired your storytelling, with the last line holding the zinger! (At the beginning, apostrophes popped into "rides," "Issues" and "lowlands.") I enjoyed your "story" metaphor and "critters" simile along with your rhymes.
(6/23: in my re-read, an apostrophe popped into "feeds" in line nine, and needs to be in "that's"--3, "cowboy's"--8, and "life's"--12.) Your poem story was as enjoyable the second time!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thanks Joan
Comment from patmedium
This work should have earned you five or even six stars. I won't bother pointing your errors out to you, as I see that several extremely helpful reviewers have already done so, and as you have responded to their reviews already and left your work in such a mess, it would be a waste of my time and effort to do the same. Pat.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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This work should have earned you five or even six stars. I won't bother pointing your errors out to you, as I see that several extremely helpful reviewers have already done so, and as you have responded to their reviews already and left your work in such a mess, it would be a waste of my time and effort to do the same. Pat.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thanks
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Now I remember.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
The words flow well as you tell
a story in a poem, about a cowboy's
work and the leaving of his woman.
cowboys heart
cowboyâ??s heart
He feed's the
He feeds the
the sections that was down - â??sectionâ?? singular - was
The sections that were down - â??sectionsâ?? - plural - were
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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The words flow well as you tell
a story in a poem, about a cowboy's
work and the leaving of his woman.
cowboys heart
cowboyâ??s heart
He feed's the
He feeds the
the sections that was down - â??sectionâ?? singular - was
The sections that were down - â??sectionsâ?? - plural - were
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thanks Margeret
Comment from bowls
I love the poem itself. It is nostalgic' it has a definite message, and it is, above all, interesting. There are, however, several errors in writing that, I hope, you won't mind my pointing out to you. All these words: rides, issues, lowlands, feeds, you've written with an apostrophe. There shouldn't be one. In the second line LAY should be LIE. Line 10 should read either THE SECTIONS THAT WERE DOWN or THE SECTION THAT WAS DOWN. In the fourth line from the end you use the word SWAT. I'm not sure if that's a typo or if it has some special meaning. In all, if this were fixed up gramatically, I'd say the poem is a definite 5.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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I love the poem itself. It is nostalgic' it has a definite message, and it is, above all, interesting. There are, however, several errors in writing that, I hope, you won't mind my pointing out to you. All these words: rides, issues, lowlands, feeds, you've written with an apostrophe. There shouldn't be one. In the second line LAY should be LIE. Line 10 should read either THE SECTIONS THAT WERE DOWN or THE SECTION THAT WAS DOWN. In the fourth line from the end you use the word SWAT. I'm not sure if that's a typo or if it has some special meaning. In all, if this were fixed up gramatically, I'd say the poem is a definite 5.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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ok thanks
Comment from Thilophian
dear Deepwater,
The cowboy really stole my heart. For me, if unfolded the deceiving nature of woman. Man tends to maintain the relationship long where as woman tends to jumb from one to another. I may be wrong in generalising this fact. But I have read it in my context.
Well done!!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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dear Deepwater,
The cowboy really stole my heart. For me, if unfolded the deceiving nature of woman. Man tends to maintain the relationship long where as woman tends to jumb from one to another. I may be wrong in generalising this fact. But I have read it in my context.
Well done!!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you
Comment from Changeisgood
I read through your comments and so if you take them seriously the grammer will be fixed. I'll just comment on the grit the cowboy shows by accepting his wife's going to leave him. You presented a believable character and gave him a voice. Good work.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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I read through your comments and so if you take them seriously the grammer will be fixed. I'll just comment on the grit the cowboy shows by accepting his wife's going to leave him. You presented a believable character and gave him a voice. Good work.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you
Comment from resilke
Very interesting piece of the cowboy. I enjoyed the description of the cow boy. The idea of the love relationship seemed to repeat a bit and wished I could see more of the cow boy riding. This is well done. I don't particularly like the way the verses are spaced out and there are no stanzas breaking up the action/ideas. I also find there are too many filler words like 'the' 'that' 'a' where they could be removed or replaced with more descriptive words as they distract and exhaust the reader. Overall, it has potential. Good effort.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Very interesting piece of the cowboy. I enjoyed the description of the cow boy. The idea of the love relationship seemed to repeat a bit and wished I could see more of the cow boy riding. This is well done. I don't particularly like the way the verses are spaced out and there are no stanzas breaking up the action/ideas. I also find there are too many filler words like 'the' 'that' 'a' where they could be removed or replaced with more descriptive words as they distract and exhaust the reader. Overall, it has potential. Good effort.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you
Comment from Pili Pubul
An excellent poem that tells the very realistic and moving story of the life of this cowboy, abandoned by his wife, loneliness seems to be his future. Great imagery and style.
This cowboy is a lonely man; his life is hard but fair
She never would forgive him for bringing her out there.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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An excellent poem that tells the very realistic and moving story of the life of this cowboy, abandoned by his wife, loneliness seems to be his future. Great imagery and style.
This cowboy is a lonely man; his life is hard but fair
She never would forgive him for bringing her out there.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you Pili
Comment from Helen Tan
She's leaving for another, he heard her on the phone,
It's bad enough she's leaving him because she doesn't like being on the ranch but to hit him again by going off with another...must be hard, even for a cowboy to take. He'll need lots of coffee and friends to comfort him.
This cowboy is a lonely man; his life is hard but fair
She never would forgive him for bringing her out there.
There's a rift in the marriage due to different expectation. The cowboy is content on a ranch, roughing it out but the wife sounds more of a town person. To her being on a ranch is more like a prison and that's why she will never forgive him for bringing her out there.
As this cowboy ride's his ranch land
As this cowboy rides - no apostrophe required.
Issue's
issues
lowland's
lowlands
He feed's the steers by daybreak and ride's the fence line around,
He feeds the steers by daybreak and rides the fence line around,
Knowing, Coffee
Knowing, coffee
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
|
She's leaving for another, he heard her on the phone,
It's bad enough she's leaving him because she doesn't like being on the ranch but to hit him again by going off with another...must be hard, even for a cowboy to take. He'll need lots of coffee and friends to comfort him.
This cowboy is a lonely man; his life is hard but fair
She never would forgive him for bringing her out there.
There's a rift in the marriage due to different expectation. The cowboy is content on a ranch, roughing it out but the wife sounds more of a town person. To her being on a ranch is more like a prison and that's why she will never forgive him for bringing her out there.
As this cowboy ride's his ranch land
As this cowboy rides - no apostrophe required.
Issue's
issues
lowland's
lowlands
He feed's the steers by daybreak and ride's the fence line around,
He feeds the steers by daybreak and rides the fence line around,
Knowing, Coffee
Knowing, coffee
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thanks for the comments
