Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Life"A book of Poetry & Writing
134 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Wow, this poem is thought-provoking and makes one reflect on his/her own life. I JUST LOVE the line: Too lazy to do what's within your own reach.
For me, the stanzas might could benefit by re-formatting as below, but I was not distracted by the current format. I was more intrigued than anything else. Please feel free to ignore my suggestions.
Sadness is, the wish that you never achieve
Alone in the darkness, with dreams of reprieve
Too lazy to do what's within your own reach
But criticize others, on their fight to succeed
You have it within you, to reach and fly high
So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky
Go forward with gusto show life what you are
The phoenix that rise's, now claim your new start
Reach out for the hands that will pull you up high
Remember the past on this new path you fly
Real friends will stay, locked deep in your heart
So always remember the place that you start
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Wow, this poem is thought-provoking and makes one reflect on his/her own life. I JUST LOVE the line: Too lazy to do what's within your own reach.
For me, the stanzas might could benefit by re-formatting as below, but I was not distracted by the current format. I was more intrigued than anything else. Please feel free to ignore my suggestions.
Sadness is, the wish that you never achieve
Alone in the darkness, with dreams of reprieve
Too lazy to do what's within your own reach
But criticize others, on their fight to succeed
You have it within you, to reach and fly high
So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky
Go forward with gusto show life what you are
The phoenix that rise's, now claim your new start
Reach out for the hands that will pull you up high
Remember the past on this new path you fly
Real friends will stay, locked deep in your heart
So always remember the place that you start
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you Poetic Friend for reading and your comments in helping
Gary
Comment from words
Like your inspirational verse on reaching for your dreams.
Found the first lines a bit confusing:
Sadness is, the wish that you never achieve
Alone in the darkness, with dreams of reprieve
Are you saying that the speaking is sad because he/she has a wish not to achieve?
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Like your inspirational verse on reaching for your dreams.
Found the first lines a bit confusing:
Sadness is, the wish that you never achieve
Alone in the darkness, with dreams of reprieve
Are you saying that the speaking is sad because he/she has a wish not to achieve?
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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thanks for your comments Words
Comment from percival86jack
This is a very uplifting presentation my friend. You offer a great formula for living life to the fullest... well done sir! I applaud you... cheers, Jack
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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This is a very uplifting presentation my friend. You offer a great formula for living life to the fullest... well done sir! I applaud you... cheers, Jack
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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thank you Jack for your comments and reading my work
Gary
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
This is a lovely, descriptive poem with a powerful message. I like the way you have described the author's thought processes, which emerge victorious at the end. Very well done.
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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This is a lovely, descriptive poem with a powerful message. I like the way you have described the author's thought processes, which emerge victorious at the end. Very well done.
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you Janine
Comment from adewpearl
the wish that you're never achieve - you never
the phoenix that rise's - now apostrophe
I like the attitude expressed in your poem - removing defenses, going for one's goals, being positive toward others - it's a philosophy that works for me :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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the wish that you're never achieve - you never
the phoenix that rise's - now apostrophe
I like the attitude expressed in your poem - removing defenses, going for one's goals, being positive toward others - it's a philosophy that works for me :-) Brooke
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you
Comment from dportwood
deepwater,
Nice thoughts and life lessons in this poem. It is easy reading and pleasant in its meter making use of slant rhyme. These suggestions may make your good poem better:
Sadness is, the wish that you're never achieve
(change 'you're' to 'you')
Alone in the darkness, with dream of reprieve
(change 'dream' to 'dreams')
Go forwards with gusto show life what you are
(change 'forwards' to 'forward')
Real friend will stay, locked deep in your heart
(change 'friend' to 'friends'
Delete your initials at the bottom
Just my thoughts
Duane
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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deepwater,
Nice thoughts and life lessons in this poem. It is easy reading and pleasant in its meter making use of slant rhyme. These suggestions may make your good poem better:
Sadness is, the wish that you're never achieve
(change 'you're' to 'you')
Alone in the darkness, with dream of reprieve
(change 'dream' to 'dreams')
Go forwards with gusto show life what you are
(change 'forwards' to 'forward')
Real friend will stay, locked deep in your heart
(change 'friend' to 'friends'
Delete your initials at the bottom
Just my thoughts
Duane
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you Duane i will make the change and thanks for your comments
Gary
Comment from TKField
Good poem overall, but the first line is just plain wrong. "Sadness is, the wish that you're never achieve" "You're never achieve" doesn't make grammatical sense. This line needs a verb between never and achieve.
"Go forwards" should be singular. "Go forward".
A comma after "gusto".
Make "friend" plural. "Real friends will stay" Or make it "A" real friend will stay.
What's with the superfluous GW at the end? It has no reason to be in this poem.
I like the positive message of this, it just needs a few tweaks to achieve excellence.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Good poem overall, but the first line is just plain wrong. "Sadness is, the wish that you're never achieve" "You're never achieve" doesn't make grammatical sense. This line needs a verb between never and achieve.
"Go forwards" should be singular. "Go forward".
A comma after "gusto".
Make "friend" plural. "Real friends will stay" Or make it "A" real friend will stay.
What's with the superfluous GW at the end? It has no reason to be in this poem.
I like the positive message of this, it just needs a few tweaks to achieve excellence.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thanks for your comments TK
Comment from Frozen Fire
I like this very inspiring piece you've penned here! Basically, it is written so well, turning negative, depressed feelings into positive, "I can do it" feelings. Thanks for the persuasive pep talk!
Shirley
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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I like this very inspiring piece you've penned here! Basically, it is written so well, turning negative, depressed feelings into positive, "I can do it" feelings. Thanks for the persuasive pep talk!
Shirley
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you for reviewing
Comment from Alexander E Poet
I thought the poem was a wonderful and cute piece of work, I thought it was passionate and heartfelt. deeply desirable taste. well. Well done no errors of mistakes. Alexander QQ
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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I thought the poem was a wonderful and cute piece of work, I thought it was passionate and heartfelt. deeply desirable taste. well. Well done no errors of mistakes. Alexander QQ
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Tanks Alexander for reading
Comment from Valkarie
I like this because...It shows a powerful imagery an flows so much adrenalin that the reader just wants to carry on reading the piece. Its an inspiring work very creative and concise and very visual with a good balance and a the heart of the matte there is emotional suspense.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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I like this because...It shows a powerful imagery an flows so much adrenalin that the reader just wants to carry on reading the piece. Its an inspiring work very creative and concise and very visual with a good balance and a the heart of the matte there is emotional suspense.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you Valkarie
