Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Your turn with the Soap"A book of Poetry & Writing
128 total reviews
Comment from Valkarie
I like this because...Your poem makes a good point of a serious question which is often asked and never answered.
The adrenalin in your poem runs reassuringly and captures the tension of the piece very well. Intriguing and well balanced piece with a good flow and a very visual content.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
  |
I like this because...Your poem makes a good point of a serious question which is often asked and never answered.
The adrenalin in your poem runs reassuringly and captures the tension of the piece very well. Intriguing and well balanced piece with a good flow and a very visual content.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
thank you so much for your comments Valkarie have a great day Gary
Comment from Pili Pubul
My answer is that the biggest luxury in lifeis to be yourself completely, if we are we never lie, no need to be rude just calmly honest. It is so painful to live hiding behind lies to please... Another great poem full of substance.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
My answer is that the biggest luxury in lifeis to be yourself completely, if we are we never lie, no need to be rude just calmly honest. It is so painful to live hiding behind lies to please... Another great poem full of substance.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
Thank you Pili i did make the spelling changes
Comment from lisadiallo
I enjoyed reading this as it is very different to what I write but has similarities I found that it intrigued me and I had to read a couple of times to get the full meaning of every verse good work though inspirational
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
I enjoyed reading this as it is very different to what I write but has similarities I found that it intrigued me and I had to read a couple of times to get the full meaning of every verse good work though inspirational
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
making some changes and spelling thanks for reading Lisa
-
you are more than welcome
Comment from bhogg
It is tough for me to rate your work - your messages are always so strong. For this poem, you have several editing opportunities:
were rather than where
please the partners (our partners?)
livening rather than living
gods' Capital G.
say?? (double ?)
Maybe it is just me, but I tend to think you sometimes use too many words, i.e.
things which are expected. (things expected)
hide the things (hide things)
leaving the word unspoken. (leaving words upspoken)
I'm a country boy, but I don't get the metaphor of duck paddling from dry land.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
It is tough for me to rate your work - your messages are always so strong. For this poem, you have several editing opportunities:
were rather than where
please the partners (our partners?)
livening rather than living
gods' Capital G.
say?? (double ?)
Maybe it is just me, but I tend to think you sometimes use too many words, i.e.
things which are expected. (things expected)
hide the things (hide things)
leaving the word unspoken. (leaving words upspoken)
I'm a country boy, but I don't get the metaphor of duck paddling from dry land.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
Thanks for your welcome comments BH i will make the change
Gary
Comment from fairydancer
Hi Gary,
This is so true - so many people spend so much of the time hiding their feelings, but if it is with the one you live with, ther eis nothing worse - walking on eggshells. I have had to do it with my Mum, and some past partners (needless to say they didn't last long!!)
In the following line - should 'were' be 'where':
'White lies, Big lies, Small lies, Untrue, were will this all lead?' ??
I think you make some really good points here - Cally :)
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
Hi Gary,
This is so true - so many people spend so much of the time hiding their feelings, but if it is with the one you live with, ther eis nothing worse - walking on eggshells. I have had to do it with my Mum, and some past partners (needless to say they didn't last long!!)
In the following line - should 'were' be 'where':
'White lies, Big lies, Small lies, Untrue, were will this all lead?' ??
I think you make some really good points here - Cally :)
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
making some changes and spelling thanks for reading Cally
Comment from krdeering
You ask a lot of good questions here, and I like the way you aim at your message. I especially like the title, not to mention the photograph you selected.
The reading itself is a little rocky, but worth the effort. Even though this is poetry (and we all take "poetic license"), I think it would help to evaluate the sentences and sometimes re-punctuate. I noticed one misspelling: "were" for "where" in "were will this all lead?"
I failed to comprehend one word altogether in its context: "livening." (And quite possibly that means I've missed something crucial!)
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
 |
You ask a lot of good questions here, and I like the way you aim at your message. I especially like the title, not to mention the photograph you selected.
The reading itself is a little rocky, but worth the effort. Even though this is poetry (and we all take "poetic license"), I think it would help to evaluate the sentences and sometimes re-punctuate. I noticed one misspelling: "were" for "where" in "were will this all lead?"
I failed to comprehend one word altogether in its context: "livening." (And quite possibly that means I've missed something crucial!)
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
making some changes and spelling thanks for reading Krdeering
Comment from bowser67
Nice poem. Your concept is good, as is your imagery,but you get a little bogged in with your flow. Stop worrying about the right or wrong of something,sometimes that has a great affect on a poem,and trust in your heart. Write to please you, edit to please them, and enjoy the fact that it will please everyone. Good job, you're a great poet.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
Nice poem. Your concept is good, as is your imagery,but you get a little bogged in with your flow. Stop worrying about the right or wrong of something,sometimes that has a great affect on a poem,and trust in your heart. Write to please you, edit to please them, and enjoy the fact that it will please everyone. Good job, you're a great poet.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
making some changes and spelling thanks for reading bowser
Comment from MAMONIA
Where -will all this lead? mispelling.
Other than that, I find the poem compelling.
I remember those days, getting our mouths washed
out with soap. It didn't hurt to remember never
to lie again, or else! Too bad we can't do that
today. It would be called abuse and we would be
put on the carpet, or jailed.
My tender years taught me alot about values and
never to sway. Mom might have been strict, but I
turned out terrific.
This was great and "yes" we are all god's children.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
Where -will all this lead? mispelling.
Other than that, I find the poem compelling.
I remember those days, getting our mouths washed
out with soap. It didn't hurt to remember never
to lie again, or else! Too bad we can't do that
today. It would be called abuse and we would be
put on the carpet, or jailed.
My tender years taught me alot about values and
never to sway. Mom might have been strict, but I
turned out terrific.
This was great and "yes" we are all god's children.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
making some changes and spelling thanks for reading
mamonia
