Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Winds of Change"A book of Poetry & Writing
251 total reviews
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hello deepwater,
I enjoyed your pensive and thoughtful poem which prompts such pretty mindpictures. Well done. Lovely photo... and one can understand how living near the northsea would inspire such a beauty of a poem.
Cheers, W ^-^
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Hello deepwater,
I enjoyed your pensive and thoughtful poem which prompts such pretty mindpictures. Well done. Lovely photo... and one can understand how living near the northsea would inspire such a beauty of a poem.
Cheers, W ^-^
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you for your comments W hope you have a great weekend
Comment from Thesis
GW, this is a deep poem. It asks a fundamental question that speaks to love and fidelity. The questions posed are seemingly from someone who does not really know the partner, seeking reassurance that the relationship is real and will last.
I found it inspiring and sad at the same time.- Thesis
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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GW, this is a deep poem. It asks a fundamental question that speaks to love and fidelity. The questions posed are seemingly from someone who does not really know the partner, seeking reassurance that the relationship is real and will last.
I found it inspiring and sad at the same time.- Thesis
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you Thesia for reading
Comment from Carrie Smith
Hello Deepwater and welcome. To me this piece beautifully expresses the longing the speaker has for this women and the fear of being pushed away by her. His passion for her flows throuhout. Wonderfully written! Carrie
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Hello Deepwater and welcome. To me this piece beautifully expresses the longing the speaker has for this women and the fear of being pushed away by her. His passion for her flows throuhout. Wonderfully written! Carrie
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you again Carrie
Comment from koyoga
Your beautiful poem, Winds of Change, poses such
complex questions in the game of love. It is
beautifully written with such softness and gentleness
for such deep questions.
Thanks for posting such lovely work.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Your beautiful poem, Winds of Change, poses such
complex questions in the game of love. It is
beautifully written with such softness and gentleness
for such deep questions.
Thanks for posting such lovely work.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you again for reading Koyoga
Comment from lisadiallo
I liked this the words are so deep they could touch any heart and especially words of love coming from a male it is rarely seen especially so deep loved it keep writing
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I liked this the words are so deep they could touch any heart and especially words of love coming from a male it is rarely seen especially so deep loved it keep writing
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Thank you Lisa for your nice comments Gary
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words of truth i liked all of it had true feelings and meaning to it
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thanks again Lisa
Comment from WRITER1
Love can be fleeting. But like the waves they do get stirred up every once and awhile. They say a true love will come back if you let it go.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Love can be fleeting. But like the waves they do get stirred up every once and awhile. They say a true love will come back if you let it go.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Thank you Writer for reading and your comments Gary
Comment from spellbound
Beautiful reflection.
I wonder if you could make a song of this?
I love this line: Like ripples betraying still waters, will you stay with me?
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Beautiful reflection.
I wonder if you could make a song of this?
I love this line: Like ripples betraying still waters, will you stay with me?
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you for reading Spell
Comment from Patricia.Green
This is a poem about romance, questioning the future, rather than living in the present; it is a long-standing theme in poetry. Your focus is admirable.
I have a couple of suggestions. (1) Fix your punctuation: you need to decide whether the lines have complete punctuation (periods, commas for enjambed sentences, or question marks), or not. Putting commas in at the ends of sentences just causes the reader to hesitate where hesitation isn't needed. For example: "Or do I dare to dream," might be better ended in a question mark. And, "Or slowly destroy the life within with promises that will never be," which would be better ended with a period since it does not continue on the next line. You need to bear in mind that not all lines have to have punctuation at all.
(2) Watch out for trite phrases. You want your poems to sound original, with new ideas and new ways of saying universally understood things. So phrases like, "my soul mate" are often over-used. If you think of a different way to put it, your poem will be more original. Another example is, "winds of change" (sorry, I know that's the title of your poem). This phrase is not a new way to express the idea. Thinking of new ways to say things is one of the greatest challenges in writing.
I hope this review is helpful. Writing is a craft; the more you do it, the better you become.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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This is a poem about romance, questioning the future, rather than living in the present; it is a long-standing theme in poetry. Your focus is admirable.
I have a couple of suggestions. (1) Fix your punctuation: you need to decide whether the lines have complete punctuation (periods, commas for enjambed sentences, or question marks), or not. Putting commas in at the ends of sentences just causes the reader to hesitate where hesitation isn't needed. For example: "Or do I dare to dream," might be better ended in a question mark. And, "Or slowly destroy the life within with promises that will never be," which would be better ended with a period since it does not continue on the next line. You need to bear in mind that not all lines have to have punctuation at all.
(2) Watch out for trite phrases. You want your poems to sound original, with new ideas and new ways of saying universally understood things. So phrases like, "my soul mate" are often over-used. If you think of a different way to put it, your poem will be more original. Another example is, "winds of change" (sorry, I know that's the title of your poem). This phrase is not a new way to express the idea. Thinking of new ways to say things is one of the greatest challenges in writing.
I hope this review is helpful. Writing is a craft; the more you do it, the better you become.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Patricia thank you for your welcome comments am new to the craft
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Just keep practicing, and read the works of the great poets. Do not limit yourself to reading poetry on FS. The great poets are great for a reason! Best of luck.
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Thanks Patricia i just write for me
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If you only write for yourself, why put your poems up for public review? I don't intend to be confrontational about this; I'm simply curious.
Comment from Sharkey
This is beautiful...very sweet and romantic with almost a pensive twist. This flows very well and reads smoothly. Thanks for posting!
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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This is beautiful...very sweet and romantic with almost a pensive twist. This flows very well and reads smoothly. Thanks for posting!
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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your most welcome and thanks for reading Sharkey
Comment from Boot
Very well captures the excitement and terror of falling for someone new and wondering if you can trust them with your fragile heart. Wouldn't change anything except maybe add a comma after : When I fall and the end needs something other than a comma. Great job! Blessings, Boot
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Very well captures the excitement and terror of falling for someone new and wondering if you can trust them with your fragile heart. Wouldn't change anything except maybe add a comma after : When I fall and the end needs something other than a comma. Great job! Blessings, Boot
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you for reading Boot
