Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Betrayal Chapter 6"In the title.
44 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
I'm going to hang onto my idea from chapter 1 between Grant and Tania. Maybe I wasn't wrong. We shall see one of these days.
This is good in building the suspense because now there will be a confrontation between Colin and Grant. That should be an interesting interaction. I'm really looking forward to seeing the interaction between Tania and Grant. That will even be more interesting.
This is a very well done chapter is a key event in the narrative has occurred. Now it is time for grant to "settle all scores."
Robert
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
  |
Hello Sandra.
I'm going to hang onto my idea from chapter 1 between Grant and Tania. Maybe I wasn't wrong. We shall see one of these days.
This is good in building the suspense because now there will be a confrontation between Colin and Grant. That should be an interesting interaction. I'm really looking forward to seeing the interaction between Tania and Grant. That will even be more interesting.
This is a very well done chapter is a key event in the narrative has occurred. Now it is time for grant to "settle all scores."
Robert
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
-
I'm still not saying anything! Lol. Thank you so much, Robert, for this lovely review. I'm so pleased I still have your support, you are always so encouraging. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
Hello Sandra.
I will continue to do my sleuthing by reading your words. TEE-HEE
Robert
-
LOL! Love it! :)) xx
Comment from rspoet
Yes, it is a bloody mess, but that's what makes a story tick.
Hello Sandra, another excellent chapter in the possible romantic saga of
Tania and Grant. You've written the confused thought scenes very well.
It should be interesting to see what Colin does. I suspect he'll need to steal
Tania's plan again, but he doesn't even know she created them already.
Maybe she will make up a decoy to ensnare the thieving bugger...er... brother.
Oh the tangled webs romantic writers weave.
Well done, my friend.
Hope you're feeling better.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
 |
Yes, it is a bloody mess, but that's what makes a story tick.
Hello Sandra, another excellent chapter in the possible romantic saga of
Tania and Grant. You've written the confused thought scenes very well.
It should be interesting to see what Colin does. I suspect he'll need to steal
Tania's plan again, but he doesn't even know she created them already.
Maybe she will make up a decoy to ensnare the thieving bugger...er... brother.
Oh the tangled webs romantic writers weave.
Well done, my friend.
Hope you're feeling better.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
-
Good morning, Robert. You have some interesting thoughts on where you think the next parts will go, I wonder if you are on the right track ... or not! Lol. Thank you so very much for the shiny six stars, and your lovely review, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Yes, I'm feeling a lot better now, thank you. I don't know if it's a case of the years catching up on me, but I seen to be grabbing any infection that's up for grabs these days, and guarding them jealously. :(
Are you pleased with the way your election is going? Looks like trouble ahead regardless of who wins. Have a lovely day, my friend. xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Straight to the point, finally Grant is doing something about embarrassing situation and hopefully Tania's luck will change. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
|
Straight to the point, finally Grant is doing something about embarrassing situation and hopefully Tania's luck will change. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so much, Iza, for your really lovely review of this part. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. And a big thank you for the 6 stars! That is so kind of you. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Monica Chaddick
Congratulations on your work being recognized and on being named one of the all time best. This another very good installment in the story. It is indeed 'a bloody mess'. Looking forward to the continuation.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
|
Congratulations on your work being recognized and on being named one of the all time best. This another very good installment in the story. It is indeed 'a bloody mess'. Looking forward to the continuation.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so much, Monica. I have to feel a little sorry for Grant, Lol, just a little!! Thank you so much for your continued support of my story, my friend. I really appreciate it. Warm hugs! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a grand and intriguing story that I follow enthusiastically. I look forward to every post. It will be interesting to see what happens to Colin.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
|
This is a grand and intriguing story that I follow enthusiastically. I look forward to every post. It will be interesting to see what happens to Colin.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
Thank you, Rebecca. I'm delighted you are enjoying the story. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
Wow, this is really speeding ahead. Seems like Grant is quick to figure things out. That phone call with Colin's hesitation seems to confirm Tania's innocence. Will Colin try to see Tania to steal more of her work?
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
|
Wow, this is really speeding ahead. Seems like Grant is quick to figure things out. That phone call with Colin's hesitation seems to confirm Tania's innocence. Will Colin try to see Tania to steal more of her work?
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
Hi Helen, thank you for reading this part. You'll be seeing Colin soon, :)) I'm sure you'll love this charmer! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Adri7enne
Yes, it reads along pretty smoothly. I can follow the plot line and the characters are believable. I enjoyed the dialogue. There are a couple of spots you might want to look at.
"Back in his office, Grant threw the papers onto the desk (that Margaret, his secretary, had given him.) " This makes it sound as if Margaret had given him a desk. Try this: "Back in his office, Grant threw the papers that Margaret, his secretary had given him onto the desk."
" First, he poured himself a coffee, not having drunk his at the hotel. ' Simplify. "He poured himself a coffee." You don't have to explain everything. Let your reader connect the dots.
A good effort, all in all.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
 |
Yes, it reads along pretty smoothly. I can follow the plot line and the characters are believable. I enjoyed the dialogue. There are a couple of spots you might want to look at.
"Back in his office, Grant threw the papers onto the desk (that Margaret, his secretary, had given him.) " This makes it sound as if Margaret had given him a desk. Try this: "Back in his office, Grant threw the papers that Margaret, his secretary had given him onto the desk."
" First, he poured himself a coffee, not having drunk his at the hotel. ' Simplify. "He poured himself a coffee." You don't have to explain everything. Let your reader connect the dots.
A good effort, all in all.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so much for this really helpful review! I've taken your suggestions on board and made the changes. That first sentence gave me a headache, lol, I changed it so many times. Now I've totally changed it. :)) I really appreciated your review, thank you. I hope to see you again! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from MissMerri
This is such excellent writing. The characters are distinct and clearly seen and the believable conversation between them adds so much and definitely carries the story along at a great pace. Descriptions are inserted subtly and unobtrusively making the scenes strongly visual. It is also well-edited, making my job super-easy. I loved everything about this chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
|
This is such excellent writing. The characters are distinct and clearly seen and the believable conversation between them adds so much and definitely carries the story along at a great pace. Descriptions are inserted subtly and unobtrusively making the scenes strongly visual. It is also well-edited, making my job super-easy. I loved everything about this chapter.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so very much for this really lovely review, Miss Merri! You can come back any time! LOL. The six stars are a bonus on top of your fabulous comments, and I really appreciate them both. Thank you, my friend! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Yeah, well, he'd better get it all set as to what he'll say... I'm thinking groveling is but a start. And then there's the matter of whether Tania wants to work for a boss who opens his mouth without actually knowing all the facts... and is a complete, ego-centric jerk about it. ;) :) :) Thanx for sharing.... guess we'll see. :) :) Yvette
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
|
Yeah, well, he'd better get it all set as to what he'll say... I'm thinking groveling is but a start. And then there's the matter of whether Tania wants to work for a boss who opens his mouth without actually knowing all the facts... and is a complete, ego-centric jerk about it. ;) :) :) Thanx for sharing.... guess we'll see. :) :) Yvette
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
LOL! Grovelling is going to be the least of his worries, Yvette, his nightmare is going to get a lot worse. Thank you so much, my friend, your review is always so much fun, I love reading them. Sending you a warm hug, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Sandra, with this exciting chapter. I believe Grant will realize what a mistake he made accusing Tania of stealing Colin's plan. Your lines read well and at a great pace. I believe you have several intersting additions from which you could include in future chapters. I like the idea of him waiting to see if Colin draws up the plans to see if they are the same as Tania's.
Respectfully, Jan
Back in his office, Grant threw the papers(,) Margaret,(delete this comma) his secretary, had given him, onto his desk. .
So(,) what's the problem?
The intercom bleeped. Grant flicked the switch and was told Mr Harding was on the line. 'Put him though(through), please, Margaret.'
'Yes(,) please.'
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
|
You did a great job, Sandra, with this exciting chapter. I believe Grant will realize what a mistake he made accusing Tania of stealing Colin's plan. Your lines read well and at a great pace. I believe you have several intersting additions from which you could include in future chapters. I like the idea of him waiting to see if Colin draws up the plans to see if they are the same as Tania's.
Respectfully, Jan
Back in his office, Grant threw the papers(,) Margaret,(delete this comma) his secretary, had given him, onto his desk. .
So(,) what's the problem?
The intercom bleeped. Grant flicked the switch and was told Mr Harding was on the line. 'Put him though(through), please, Margaret.'
'Yes(,) please.'
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so much, Jan, for another of your really helpful reviews. I've made those corrections, and appreciated you pointing them out. It was also nice to read you are still enjoying this story, you put a big smile on my face. Thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
