Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Betrayal Chapter 7"In the title.
42 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
What if it isn't Colin? He certainly seems guilty, but is she so focused on him she is ignoring other possibilities? Creepy exes are not the only ones that cab betray a person. But things are getting interesting. I can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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What if it isn't Colin? He certainly seems guilty, but is she so focused on him she is ignoring other possibilities? Creepy exes are not the only ones that cab betray a person. But things are getting interesting. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Hi Cindy, thank you so much for reading this part, and for your interesting questions. :)) We'll find out soon what has been going on with Tania's work. Watch this space!! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ben B.
Talk about melodrama. Given that one half of the phone call, I'm guessing Rachel was freaking out the whole time. Tania on the other hand seemed to be pretty chilled over the news. I guess that shows you everyone's attitude over the crisis.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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Talk about melodrama. Given that one half of the phone call, I'm guessing Rachel was freaking out the whole time. Tania on the other hand seemed to be pretty chilled over the news. I guess that shows you everyone's attitude over the crisis.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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Yes, Rachael was worried Tania would be cross with her. But she wasn't. We all take things differently. Thank you, Ben for reading this part and for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from DeboraDyess
Oh, I do love this story! I let you cut ahead in line so I could read this tonight! lol
She finished the mouthful and >> since this is surrounded by 'mouth' (both before and after), why not change this to 'bite' or even 'large bite'? It will reduce the mouthiness. :)
they took their glasses, and the rest of the w >> No need for this comma
Her frown appeared to be a permanent feature these last couple of days. >> NICE
The paragraph that starts with 'Yes, absolutely. Now that it's... needs attention. YOu have an action tag in the middle of the talking, but the action is Monica's and the speech is Tania's. You need to give each lady a separate paragraph. Just 'cause they're besties doesn't mean they can share a paragraph. :)
cess pit? CESS PIT? Oh, I like that term! I'm adopting it! welcome to Texas, cess pit!
calm her friend down >> Don't need the 'down'. I know that's how we say it, but it feels almost cumbersome reading it. Maybe just 'calm her friend'.
on my webpage, it wasn't as if I >> I'd make this two sentences.
Ahh...and another cliffhanger! It HAS to be him.
I wondered that Monica didn't catch that Tania said 'Grant' right at first instead of 'Mr. Blake'. She could have had some fun with that! lol
Enjoyed the read again, Sandra!
Thank, hugs and blessings,
Debs
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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Oh, I do love this story! I let you cut ahead in line so I could read this tonight! lol
She finished the mouthful and >> since this is surrounded by 'mouth' (both before and after), why not change this to 'bite' or even 'large bite'? It will reduce the mouthiness. :)
they took their glasses, and the rest of the w >> No need for this comma
Her frown appeared to be a permanent feature these last couple of days. >> NICE
The paragraph that starts with 'Yes, absolutely. Now that it's... needs attention. YOu have an action tag in the middle of the talking, but the action is Monica's and the speech is Tania's. You need to give each lady a separate paragraph. Just 'cause they're besties doesn't mean they can share a paragraph. :)
cess pit? CESS PIT? Oh, I like that term! I'm adopting it! welcome to Texas, cess pit!
calm her friend down >> Don't need the 'down'. I know that's how we say it, but it feels almost cumbersome reading it. Maybe just 'calm her friend'.
on my webpage, it wasn't as if I >> I'd make this two sentences.
Ahh...and another cliffhanger! It HAS to be him.
I wondered that Monica didn't catch that Tania said 'Grant' right at first instead of 'Mr. Blake'. She could have had some fun with that! lol
Enjoyed the read again, Sandra!
Thank, hugs and blessings,
Debs
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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I didn't notice all those mouths!! Lol. It now reads:
?Mmm, this is good. So, how did the meeting go? I want to hear it all.? Monica put her glass down, picked up a prawn ball with her chopsticks and dipped it into her favourite sweet and sour sauce. With a look of blissful anticipation, she took a large bite.
Tania had already started eating and now waved her empty chopsticks in the air. Putting her other hand in front of her mouth, she nodded and mumbled. ?Hang on.? She finished what she'd been eating and wiped her mouth with the serviette...
What I did like was the point about Tania calling Mr Blake, Grant. I will definitely pick up on that. It would be the type of thing Monica would pick up on. Thanks for that!!! :))
I wasn't sure what you meant about the paragraph starting, 'Yes, absolutely.. The speech and action was Tania's, she squeezed Monica's arm.
Thank you so much for all this help and the brilliant suggestion, my friend. I love your reviews! Sending you a hugs warm hug. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
You are just TOO good at leaving your reader hanging! This is such a good yarn. Keep it up.
A few points to consider:
'That smells good.' Tania took the bag holding the containers of Chinese take-away from Monica, leaving her free to take her coat off - I might have said 'to take off her coat'
I'm almost sure it's Colin,' - should be period at the end, not a comma
'There we go, I'll make us a coffee later. - replace comma with a period
'Hmm, that's the problem, Monica, I don't know.' - period after 'Monica'
With any luck he'll drop himself right in the cesspit!' - comma after 'luck'
'Anyway, as I told her, if he'd got half a brain, he could have found my new number on my webpage, it wasn't as if I was hiding it from him. - period after 'webpage'
Kind regards
Judy
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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You are just TOO good at leaving your reader hanging! This is such a good yarn. Keep it up.
A few points to consider:
'That smells good.' Tania took the bag holding the containers of Chinese take-away from Monica, leaving her free to take her coat off - I might have said 'to take off her coat'
I'm almost sure it's Colin,' - should be period at the end, not a comma
'There we go, I'll make us a coffee later. - replace comma with a period
'Hmm, that's the problem, Monica, I don't know.' - period after 'Monica'
With any luck he'll drop himself right in the cesspit!' - comma after 'luck'
'Anyway, as I told her, if he'd got half a brain, he could have found my new number on my webpage, it wasn't as if I was hiding it from him. - period after 'webpage'
Kind regards
Judy
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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Thank you. Judy! I've made all those corrections. I'm still having problems with my commas and periods. You would think by my age I'd have learnt something! Lol.
Thank you so very much for the six lovely stars, Judy, and for taking the time to go through and edit this part. Your help is very much appreciated, my friend. Thank you, and a big, warm hug. :)) Sandra xx
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You're welcome. Take care.
Comment from Sanku
Oh! lovely I am waiting for that meeting with Colin .Tanya should meet him and lead him on ...I wonder what he would say?
I really enjoy reading your novel...
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Oh! lovely I am waiting for that meeting with Colin .Tanya should meet him and lead him on ...I wonder what he would say?
I really enjoy reading your novel...
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Bless you, Sanku, I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story, you've put a big smile on my face! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra. xxx
Comment from Monica Chaddick
Congratulations on your work being recognized. This was definitely an interesting chapter. Indeed, I do believe that Colin is the thief. I hope Tania gathers the proof that she needs.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Congratulations on your work being recognized. This was definitely an interesting chapter. Indeed, I do believe that Colin is the thief. I hope Tania gathers the proof that she needs.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Monica! Things will start happening shortly but not the way you would expect! Thank you for your lovely comments, my friend. have a lovely day! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
I laughed at the girls and their Chinese food.
Both Tania and Monica's conversation is so real that I forgot I was reading fiction. This is a great story with so many possibilities, that the reader is kept guessing. Well done!
Your post was on page four!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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I laughed at the girls and their Chinese food.
Both Tania and Monica's conversation is so real that I forgot I was reading fiction. This is a great story with so many possibilities, that the reader is kept guessing. Well done!
Your post was on page four!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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I have 51 messages to get through!
Thank you so much, Rebecca, for this lovely review and the six stars. That is so kind of you. Tania needs to take care. Colin is not a nice person. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping--superb dialog--totally believable--snappy pace--clearly, you are pro-level--always a pleasure to read your work. (it's nearly 1 AM but I couldn't resist)
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Gripping--superb dialog--totally believable--snappy pace--clearly, you are pro-level--always a pleasure to read your work. (it's nearly 1 AM but I couldn't resist)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Good morning, Liz. Thank you so much for this lovely review. 1: am!! I am honoured! Thank you for all those lovely compliments, my friend, you've started my day on a high! Warm hug, have a lovely dau. Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you show the depth of the strong friendship between Tania and Monica, that Monica was moved by Tania's expressing her thankfulness for her. I also like the little actions such as waving the chopsticks which show us the heat of the food. I don't know if you want to tell a little more about how the food tastes.
I'm hoping Tania is completely out of Colin's spell and can get him to confess! But how in the world did he attempt to get into her laptop? Her physical laptop is in her own home, right? Did he hack into laptop remotely?
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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I like how you show the depth of the strong friendship between Tania and Monica, that Monica was moved by Tania's expressing her thankfulness for her. I also like the little actions such as waving the chopsticks which show us the heat of the food. I don't know if you want to tell a little more about how the food tastes.
I'm hoping Tania is completely out of Colin's spell and can get him to confess! But how in the world did he attempt to get into her laptop? Her physical laptop is in her own home, right? Did he hack into laptop remotely?
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Helen, I like the idea of mentioning the taste of the food. I'll sort that!
It's easy to get into someone elses laptop, Helen. You can invite a person to get in. Then that person can take over and do what he wants from his own computer. I gave permission for my brother so that he could fix a problem. I lived in Spain at the time, and he was in England. It's weird watching someone move around and you can't do anything. Tania realised Colin had set it up before she'd finished with him so that he could get into her computer any time. That's why she changed all her passwords and added a stronger firewall.
Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
This is more of a strategy session between Monica and Tania. They are using wine as a catalyst to generate ideas and conversation.
It seems to me Colin wants to contact Tania as a diversion or a heads up. I'm not sure which. I'm sure if I keep reading I'll find out, won't I?
Robert
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Hello Sandra.
This is more of a strategy session between Monica and Tania. They are using wine as a catalyst to generate ideas and conversation.
It seems to me Colin wants to contact Tania as a diversion or a heads up. I'm not sure which. I'm sure if I keep reading I'll find out, won't I?
Robert
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Thank you for reading this part, Robert, you'll see what Colin is after soon. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You're welcome
