If At First You Don't Succeed...
Try, try again!22 total reviews
Comment from LisaMay
I really liked being a fly on the wall as your tactics for landing a lunch date with this desirable guy unfolded. The positivity and encouragement are appealing and rhyming is excellent.
I have a few suggestions, mainly punctuation:
I watch him walk by every(add space) day,
I think he's fine in every (add space) way,
all's fair. (there is a double space between these words; remove one)
So then I tried a different tact, (I think you mean 'tack' rather than 'tact')
"You have the most enticing eyes", (full stop instead of comma)
so filled with glee, my spell was cast.
(Perhaps you could change 'so' to Now. It would be better to use a different word than having 'so' used again so close by.
So if romance is on your mind,
you find a guy painfully shy. (change full stop to comma)
Don't wait around for you may find, (use lower case 'd' because it does not need to start a new sentence here)
that true love just might pass you by.
Speak up and say what's in your heart, (change comma to full stop)
the point of all these words I rhyme? (cap 'T' for 'the')
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I really liked being a fly on the wall as your tactics for landing a lunch date with this desirable guy unfolded. The positivity and encouragement are appealing and rhyming is excellent.
I have a few suggestions, mainly punctuation:
I watch him walk by every(add space) day,
I think he's fine in every (add space) way,
all's fair. (there is a double space between these words; remove one)
So then I tried a different tact, (I think you mean 'tack' rather than 'tact')
"You have the most enticing eyes", (full stop instead of comma)
so filled with glee, my spell was cast.
(Perhaps you could change 'so' to Now. It would be better to use a different word than having 'so' used again so close by.
So if romance is on your mind,
you find a guy painfully shy. (change full stop to comma)
Don't wait around for you may find, (use lower case 'd' because it does not need to start a new sentence here)
that true love just might pass you by.
Speak up and say what's in your heart, (change comma to full stop)
the point of all these words I rhyme? (cap 'T' for 'the')
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading and for all the great suggestions..punctuation has never been my strong suit. You should be a teacher. Thanks again.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I lie the moral of your poem, sometimes we need to take the first step: "
Speak up and say what's in your heart,
the point of all these words I rhyme?
You should jump in right from the start,
you might find love to last through time." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I lie the moral of your poem, sometimes we need to take the first step: "
Speak up and say what's in your heart,
the point of all these words I rhyme?
You should jump in right from the start,
you might find love to last through time." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you. When I met my husband I did a few sneaky things to get him to notice me. . It worked! Thanks again.
Comment from Wendy G
I enjoyed this with its fresh take on the words, and an enjoyable poem with a positive and humorous theme as well. It is well written. best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I enjoyed this with its fresh take on the words, and an enjoyable poem with a positive and humorous theme as well. It is well written. best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thanks so much for this terrific review. :)
Comment from Ann Market
This poem is fun and has a lovely moral! It's true-don't wait around for it to find you! Very well-written and a great submission for the contest! Good luck!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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This poem is fun and has a lovely moral! It's true-don't wait around for it to find you! Very well-written and a great submission for the contest! Good luck!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this wonderful review, it's much appreciated. :)
Comment from Becky Kern-Taylor
Wow, what a beautiful work. Good for her for not giving up. I would call that perseverance. Think I'll write a poem about that. It applies to many things in life, not just romance. So say you want that promotion at work, go for it, persevere. So you want things to change in a relationship, go for it and persevere. I also loved the simplicity of the poem. You go my vote.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Wow, what a beautiful work. Good for her for not giving up. I would call that perseverance. Think I'll write a poem about that. It applies to many things in life, not just romance. So say you want that promotion at work, go for it, persevere. So you want things to change in a relationship, go for it and persevere. I also loved the simplicity of the poem. You go my vote.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your vote and for this stellar review! It's always nice to hear from you. :)
Comment from Goodadvicechan
A very romantic story (poem)! It is amazing that with these six words, you can come out with a romantic story. I like the happy ending.
Each paragraph is well written and carries an event, showing emotions.
I like this one. Good for contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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A very romantic story (poem)! It is amazing that with these six words, you can come out with a romantic story. I like the happy ending.
Each paragraph is well written and carries an event, showing emotions.
I like this one. Good for contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for this great review and your kind words...both are appreciated. :)
Comment from WriterHeather
WOW! You have nailed this contest! I didn't even notice the words because I was so caught up in the story here. I love the women power message too. YES GURL! Go get your man! Don't wait for him to make the first move! Its 2021 for christ sake! Lol. thanks for sharing this awesome work!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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WOW! You have nailed this contest! I didn't even notice the words because I was so caught up in the story here. I love the women power message too. YES GURL! Go get your man! Don't wait for him to make the first move! Its 2021 for christ sake! Lol. thanks for sharing this awesome work!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Love, love, love this review! Thank you for those wonderful 6 stars.:)
Comment from RodG
I like the novel way you used the required words to describe an office romance. I certainly am impressed with the Speaker's spunk and resourcefulness. This poem put a big smile on my face. Rod
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I like the novel way you used the required words to describe an office romance. I certainly am impressed with the Speaker's spunk and resourcefulness. This poem put a big smile on my face. Rod
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this very nice review, I'm glad you liked it. :)
Comment from Anne Johnston
Very well written, good rhyming, flows smoothly. And you used all the words that were required. And a cute picture you used to illustrate your message.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Very well written, good rhyming, flows smoothly. And you used all the words that were required. And a cute picture you used to illustrate your message.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it. :)
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You are welcome
Comment from zanya
The words for the contest are seamlessly introduced while telling a lovely tale of a budding romance with a bouncing rhythm and some sound advice for would-be lovers !
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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The words for the contest are seamlessly introduced while telling a lovely tale of a budding romance with a bouncing rhythm and some sound advice for would-be lovers !
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this wonderful review. I appreciate you taking time to read my poem. :)
