Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Betrayal Chapter 24"In the title.
43 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
'While Tania had been in the hospital, Grant had kept tabs on what was happening with Colin. After the surgeon had wired his jaw, he'd been transferred to the prison hospital to await the first hearing of his trial. At least, that was what Grant had first been told.' I know this is a telling bit but, in my opinion, you still need to keep the reader interested. 'With Tania still in the ward, Grant found out about Colin. The surgeon informed him of his half-brother's transfer to prison hospital with a wired jaw.' In my opinion, you mentioned him awaiting trial later on in the chapter. Also the surgeon would not necessary know that. They do not communicate with the general public at the best of times lol. The only time they will talk is if it was a private hospital.
'Oh, thank goodness, Grant,' Lorna said as soon as he'd opened (opened) her office door. The (worried) frown she wore immediately removed Grant's smile. 'I've been trying to get you ... is your phone switched off?'
(delete) Don't tell, show (her brow ceased as she frowned...)
Another great chapter and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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'While Tania had been in the hospital, Grant had kept tabs on what was happening with Colin. After the surgeon had wired his jaw, he'd been transferred to the prison hospital to await the first hearing of his trial. At least, that was what Grant had first been told.' I know this is a telling bit but, in my opinion, you still need to keep the reader interested. 'With Tania still in the ward, Grant found out about Colin. The surgeon informed him of his half-brother's transfer to prison hospital with a wired jaw.' In my opinion, you mentioned him awaiting trial later on in the chapter. Also the surgeon would not necessary know that. They do not communicate with the general public at the best of times lol. The only time they will talk is if it was a private hospital.
'Oh, thank goodness, Grant,' Lorna said as soon as he'd opened (opened) her office door. The (worried) frown she wore immediately removed Grant's smile. 'I've been trying to get you ... is your phone switched off?'
(delete) Don't tell, show (her brow ceased as she frowned...)
Another great chapter and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2021
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Hi Jackie, thanks so much for this. I've sorted it all out. One thing, Tania is in the best Private hospital in London, at Grant's expence, so there is no problem with the surgeon talking to him. Thanks for all your suggestions, I really appreciated them and used them. I'm so pleased you're reading this story, and giving me your thoughts. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Oh, that's not good news. I think the mother is as crazy as the son. I just can't see either of them leaving Tania alone. I'm on the edge of my seat to see what happens next!
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Oh, that's not good news. I think the mother is as crazy as the son. I just can't see either of them leaving Tania alone. I'm on the edge of my seat to see what happens next!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Hi Cindy, thank you so much for this really lovely review. I love your comments. You're right about the mother, she's not a nice lady. So what will Grant do now? We shall see. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Another excellent chapter in the saga, albeit with a little "poetic license."
I'm not sure if Colin could escape or that the courts would release him, but money and influence persuades, and crafty lawyers, turn many a judge's head.
Due to the violent nature of the crimes, I doubt he'd be released.
It depends on where you want the story to go and how long you want it to be.
The relationship with Tania and Grant seems to be the logical path to pursue and the stolen architecture plans could add another surprise layer. That is fraud and theft.
"I'll give you a [bell] when I know what's happening." must be another of those British expressions. LOL We'd say "ring." But it's good either way.
Somehow I think you'll find a smooth path through all these problems.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Hello Sandra,
Another excellent chapter in the saga, albeit with a little "poetic license."
I'm not sure if Colin could escape or that the courts would release him, but money and influence persuades, and crafty lawyers, turn many a judge's head.
Due to the violent nature of the crimes, I doubt he'd be released.
It depends on where you want the story to go and how long you want it to be.
The relationship with Tania and Grant seems to be the logical path to pursue and the stolen architecture plans could add another surprise layer. That is fraud and theft.
"I'll give you a [bell] when I know what's happening." must be another of those British expressions. LOL We'd say "ring." But it's good either way.
Somehow I think you'll find a smooth path through all these problems.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 08-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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You are the second review to mention the 'give you a bell' I suppose it comes from the time when phones did have two bells on them that would dring-dring when someone called, and it's stuck. And I see you spell 'licence' different to us. Now, this chapter, I've told Pam a bit of what is going to happen, (can't give too much away!!) And a lot will be what everyone has been waiting for. Thank you, Robert for this lovely review and all those stars. I'm you still like my story. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great chapter. The suspense is piling up. I like how you to the "silence is golden" expression and turned it on its head. Very clever.
I like out on bail rather than escaped because it puts Tania and Grant in more peril. If Colin had escaped, at least police would be looking for him. The way you've written it is plausible, and terrifying for Tania.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Great chapter. The suspense is piling up. I like how you to the "silence is golden" expression and turned it on its head. Very clever.
I like out on bail rather than escaped because it puts Tania and Grant in more peril. If Colin had escaped, at least police would be looking for him. The way you've written it is plausible, and terrifying for Tania.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for giving me your thoughts on that question. I like your reasons as to why I should stick to the bail, and not escape. I am definitely staying with bail now. You've been very helpful. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Thank you, my friend. Have a wonderful week. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, I feel love is in the air...and Grant is making the first move sweet girl...I knew he had it in him...
can't believe Colin got out...if I were grant...I would set him up...something everyone would see...something his wicked witch mother...couldn't hide...but he would have to stay out of site...let the guys take care of it my amazing friend...
in the mean time...he needs to find a safe haven for Monica and Tania...another awesome chapter sweet you...
so very well written...always keeps your readers wanting more...bunches of love coming your way my amazing friend...Linda xxoo
how are you doing sweet girl???...say Hi to Ian for me...
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Hi Sandra, I feel love is in the air...and Grant is making the first move sweet girl...I knew he had it in him...
can't believe Colin got out...if I were grant...I would set him up...something everyone would see...something his wicked witch mother...couldn't hide...but he would have to stay out of site...let the guys take care of it my amazing friend...
in the mean time...he needs to find a safe haven for Monica and Tania...another awesome chapter sweet you...
so very well written...always keeps your readers wanting more...bunches of love coming your way my amazing friend...Linda xxoo
how are you doing sweet girl???...say Hi to Ian for me...
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Hello Linda! How's my hero and his sister doing?
Every one is waiting for the romance to start. Just you wait, we know Grant is having feelings, and Tania has had a few flips in her tummy. Do you think that might mean something??? Lol.
Thank you so much for another wonderful review, and all those beautiful shiny stars!! You are always so kind to me.
I'll email you later this afternoon. I want to know how your mum is. Be safe my dear friend, and give loads of hugs to everyone, and save a big one for you! Love you loads. :) Sandra xxxx
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Hi Sandra, can't wait for the romance to start...but we have to remember Colin and his mother...Cruella Deville...are still out there...and could start some real trouble....
Noah and Abby are doing good...Kristy still won't let them go to school...God only knows...
and you my amazing friend....are so very welcome...always...
I did email you back...let you know how mom is....you be safe as well you...bunches and bunches of love...and smiling big back at you...Linda xxoo
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping! As for the note--probably best to be bail vs escape--the latter would seem contrived--common dramatic ploy in mediocre work--your work stands alone!
FYI:
Sadistic personality disorder is a personality disorder involving sadomasochism which appeared in an appendix of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III-R).[1]
The later versions of the DSM (DSM-IV, DSM-IV-TR and DSM-5) do not include it.
What sort of medication is he on to control his personality disorder?
There are no medications specifically approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to treat personality disorders.
However, several types of psychiatric medications may help with various personality disorder symptoms.
Antidepressants. Antidepressants may be useful if you have a depressed mood, anger, impulsivity, irritability or hopelessness, which may be associated with personality disorders.
Mood stabilizers. As their name suggests, mood stabilizers can help even out mood swings or reduce irritability, impulsivity and aggression.
Antipsychotic medications. Also called neuroleptics, these may be helpful if your symptoms include losing touch with reality (psychosis) or in some cases if you have anxiety or anger problems.
Anti-anxiety medications. These may help if you have anxiety, agitation or insomnia. But in some cases, they can increase impulsive behavior, so they're avoided in certain types of personality disorders.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Gripping! As for the note--probably best to be bail vs escape--the latter would seem contrived--common dramatic ploy in mediocre work--your work stands alone!
FYI:
Sadistic personality disorder is a personality disorder involving sadomasochism which appeared in an appendix of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III-R).[1]
The later versions of the DSM (DSM-IV, DSM-IV-TR and DSM-5) do not include it.
What sort of medication is he on to control his personality disorder?
There are no medications specifically approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to treat personality disorders.
However, several types of psychiatric medications may help with various personality disorder symptoms.
Antidepressants. Antidepressants may be useful if you have a depressed mood, anger, impulsivity, irritability or hopelessness, which may be associated with personality disorders.
Mood stabilizers. As their name suggests, mood stabilizers can help even out mood swings or reduce irritability, impulsivity and aggression.
Antipsychotic medications. Also called neuroleptics, these may be helpful if your symptoms include losing touch with reality (psychosis) or in some cases if you have anxiety or anger problems.
Anti-anxiety medications. These may help if you have anxiety, agitation or insomnia. But in some cases, they can increase impulsive behavior, so they're avoided in certain types of personality disorders.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this, Liz. I should have researched this more. I was looking for an illness that would explain his violence, and why it took him over in this instance. Not taking his meds was my way of explaining it. But, I see now that wouldn't work. I've found another illness, intermittent explosive disorder (IED) which totally describes Colin's sporadic violence. This illness can be controlled with phenytoin, oxcarbazepine or carbamazepine. If I skirt around this, (I don't want to come over too technical) I can drop one of those names in to make it more believable. I'm so glad you did this for me, thanks so much. You're a gem! Have a lovely week, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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Seems to me he's sociopathic--aka Antisocial Personality Disorder--i.e. no conscience or empathy--medication would not apply--sugg you use the hook of his "stopping psychotherapy" (which doesn't work either, but makes for a perfect cover for such a manipulative personality who claims to be "getting the help that he needs yada yada... ")
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https://quizlet.com/161620106/antisocial-personality-disorder-flash-cards/
Comment from blondie560
Loved the chapter Sandra. Not happy that Colin and his mother are going to be a problem, but I have faith that Grant will have the last say in anything. I think that Tania is so angry at what Colin has done to her from stealing her designs to drugging, kidnapping, and beating her, she'll want to be in the courtroom. I don't see her just giving a video interview. Of course this is just my idea of where the story goes lol. I'm glad you went with the bail and the conditions that he has to meet to stay out of jail. If he had escaped then Tania would be in immediate danger. I like that he has to behave, because then he can screw up and his mother can't save him. Looking forward to next week's chapter. Have a lovely week Sandra! Sally
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Loved the chapter Sandra. Not happy that Colin and his mother are going to be a problem, but I have faith that Grant will have the last say in anything. I think that Tania is so angry at what Colin has done to her from stealing her designs to drugging, kidnapping, and beating her, she'll want to be in the courtroom. I don't see her just giving a video interview. Of course this is just my idea of where the story goes lol. I'm glad you went with the bail and the conditions that he has to meet to stay out of jail. If he had escaped then Tania would be in immediate danger. I like that he has to behave, because then he can screw up and his mother can't save him. Looking forward to next week's chapter. Have a lovely week Sandra! Sally
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Hello Sally, you are right, Tania is made of sterner stuff and the way to stop the nightmares is to face them head on. We'll see what happens later. I'm going to check, but I think nine out of ten of my reviews have gone with bail. Which I have to say, I'm really pleased about. I wouldn't know how to break him out of prison! lol.
Thank you so much, my dear friend, for the six stars, and this lovely, very helpful review. I really did appreciate your thoughts on this one. Now to see what Grant will do to protect Tania and Monica. Stay tuned, my friend. Have a lovely week, warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Ben Colder
A bullet in the brain would do fine. Sure save the tax payers money and a load off everyone's mind. LOL.
I am sure you will get much feed back.
Good one Sandy. Sally Law could be helpful. She is good at this sort of things.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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A bullet in the brain would do fine. Sure save the tax payers money and a load off everyone's mind. LOL.
I am sure you will get much feed back.
Good one Sandy. Sally Law could be helpful. She is good at this sort of things.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, Chuck, for this lovely review and all those shiny stars! I really appreciate you, my friend. Lots of love. :)) Sandy xxx
Comment from JudyE
Plot-wise, this is a great turn of events. Well done. I'd stick with this rather than an escape. Now there are two plotting against Tania. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
For your consideration:
Grant noticed the way Tania put her expressive facial muscles to use. - maybe 'Grant watched as Tania...'.
Right this minute she was on the defensive and had her chin jutted out with resolute determination. - maybe 'At the moment,...'. Delete 'had'
Now she was no longer visually impaired, he knew he'd enjoy being on the receiving end - maybe 'Now the swelling (round her eyes) no longer impaired her vision, he knew....'
'I spoke to the nurse, and as soon as your meds are here, we can go home,' Monica couldn't stop smiling. - period after 'home'
'He found the wheelchair while I spoke to the nurse. Oh, honey-child, I'm so glad you're coming home.' - maybe after 'nurse', something needs to be inserted such as 'she turned back to Tania'. For a moment, I thought she was calling Jeff 'honey-child'
All the time Tania was in the hospital, Grant had kept tabs on what was happening with Colin. - maybe 'While Tania had been in hospital, Grant ...'
'Oh, thank goodness, Grant,' Lorna said, her forehead creased up frowning as soon as he'd opened her office door. - I don't really like 'creased up frowning' :(
'I'm not sure, but Roland called, he sounded quite worried about something. He wants you to call him straight away.' - period after 'called'
'It's Colin, he's been released into your mother's care - period after 'Colin'
He shook his head in disgust as everything Roland had told him sunk in - maybe 'as the news sunk in' but then you'd need to change 'This latest bit of news'. Maybe 'this latest information'? Or it can all be left as is. lol
'No, that shouldn't happen, he's been given a restraining order not to go near Tania again. - period after 'happen'
We have quite a few photos of her injuries, would that help? - period after 'injuries'
'Roland? Are you still there? - speech marks needed after 'there'
Congrats on a great chapter
Judy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Plot-wise, this is a great turn of events. Well done. I'd stick with this rather than an escape. Now there are two plotting against Tania. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
For your consideration:
Grant noticed the way Tania put her expressive facial muscles to use. - maybe 'Grant watched as Tania...'.
Right this minute she was on the defensive and had her chin jutted out with resolute determination. - maybe 'At the moment,...'. Delete 'had'
Now she was no longer visually impaired, he knew he'd enjoy being on the receiving end - maybe 'Now the swelling (round her eyes) no longer impaired her vision, he knew....'
'I spoke to the nurse, and as soon as your meds are here, we can go home,' Monica couldn't stop smiling. - period after 'home'
'He found the wheelchair while I spoke to the nurse. Oh, honey-child, I'm so glad you're coming home.' - maybe after 'nurse', something needs to be inserted such as 'she turned back to Tania'. For a moment, I thought she was calling Jeff 'honey-child'
All the time Tania was in the hospital, Grant had kept tabs on what was happening with Colin. - maybe 'While Tania had been in hospital, Grant ...'
'Oh, thank goodness, Grant,' Lorna said, her forehead creased up frowning as soon as he'd opened her office door. - I don't really like 'creased up frowning' :(
'I'm not sure, but Roland called, he sounded quite worried about something. He wants you to call him straight away.' - period after 'called'
'It's Colin, he's been released into your mother's care - period after 'Colin'
He shook his head in disgust as everything Roland had told him sunk in - maybe 'as the news sunk in' but then you'd need to change 'This latest bit of news'. Maybe 'this latest information'? Or it can all be left as is. lol
'No, that shouldn't happen, he's been given a restraining order not to go near Tania again. - period after 'happen'
We have quite a few photos of her injuries, would that help? - period after 'injuries'
'Roland? Are you still there? - speech marks needed after 'there'
Congrats on a great chapter
Judy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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Thank you so very much, Judy, for another lovely, and very helpful review. You've given me loads of good advice and I've made a few changes to some of the sentences because of them. I'm really pleased you thought this was a great chapter, and that you think Colin being on bail is the way to go. I really appreciated your opinion. Bail is by far the biggest leader in this poll. Lol. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
That's so interesting that you say, "give you a bell" for call you later. I enjoy learning the different English expressions!
You did a great job with Grant's roller coaster of emotions here. I hope Tania and Monica can be moved to a safe place. I'm sure Grant and Jeff will think of something. It seems Grant's mother is the villainess who begat the villain so she's the one to be most cautious about.
Minor nit:
we can go home,' Monica couldn't stop smiling. (I think a period would be better here as "smiling" doesn't work as a speech tag.)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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That's so interesting that you say, "give you a bell" for call you later. I enjoy learning the different English expressions!
You did a great job with Grant's roller coaster of emotions here. I hope Tania and Monica can be moved to a safe place. I'm sure Grant and Jeff will think of something. It seems Grant's mother is the villainess who begat the villain so she's the one to be most cautious about.
Minor nit:
we can go home,' Monica couldn't stop smiling. (I think a period would be better here as "smiling" doesn't work as a speech tag.)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2021
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We have a few different expressions, don't we. I like learning yours. Thank you for your lovely review, Helen, and for picking up that nit, I've corrected that now. Grant's mother has always looked out for herself, she'll come unstuck one day. Have a lovely week, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
