Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Betrayal Chapter 30"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Lots of excitement in this, and I like the way you show what your characters are feeling by their gestures, etc. I'm new to the story, so I'll need to get caught up. The storm is certainly going to add to the excitement. I like that Grant seems very gentlemanly, want to take advantage of Tania is she is feeling vulnerable. Great story. judi
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
  |
Lots of excitement in this, and I like the way you show what your characters are feeling by their gestures, etc. I'm new to the story, so I'll need to get caught up. The storm is certainly going to add to the excitement. I like that Grant seems very gentlemanly, want to take advantage of Tania is she is feeling vulnerable. Great story. judi
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
-
Aw thank you, Judi, for this lovely review. That is so nice of you to come into the story at this point. I'm pleased you enjoyed what you read. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
You're welcome. It helped that you had a list of the characters. judi
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
YIKES. A hurricane? Of course. I mean, can't ever allow things to get boring or too calm, right? Interesting direction. Can add so many more danger factors - like if electricity and Internet go out - wow. They would be blind to incoming attacks. Good stuff. TY! (Kid in lap)
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
|
Sandra,
YIKES. A hurricane? Of course. I mean, can't ever allow things to get boring or too calm, right? Interesting direction. Can add so many more danger factors - like if electricity and Internet go out - wow. They would be blind to incoming attacks. Good stuff. TY! (Kid in lap)
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
-
Good morning, Robyn, thank you so much for this great review. Yes, it is the season for hurricanes in the Bahamas, so we had to have one! lol. Have a wonderful day, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hi Sandra.
There are all kinds of things going on in this chapter. The first little emotional eruption between Tania and Grant was just a sign of many facets of the tension. Having a hurricane bearing down on the island is a bit of a tense situation as well.
A very interesting new twist is the introduction of the "spy" bugs that Reg brought into the mix. We can't forget the introduction of Rapier who is a real, full time bad guy is in the game too.
There are a lot of parallel actions in the chapter that make it interesting, and the reader needs to pay attention to all of the details.
Robert
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
Hi Sandra.
There are all kinds of things going on in this chapter. The first little emotional eruption between Tania and Grant was just a sign of many facets of the tension. Having a hurricane bearing down on the island is a bit of a tense situation as well.
A very interesting new twist is the introduction of the "spy" bugs that Reg brought into the mix. We can't forget the introduction of Rapier who is a real, full time bad guy is in the game too.
There are a lot of parallel actions in the chapter that make it interesting, and the reader needs to pay attention to all of the details.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
Thank you, Robert, for reading this part. Everything appears to be happening at the same time, so something has to give soon!
Thank you for all your support throughout this book, my friend. I really appreciate you a lot. Warm hugs! :)) Sandra xx
-
You're welcome Sandra.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Excellent dialogue between Tania and Grant, a little push and pull,
fire and calm, to build the suspense.
Wasps! I guess this is going to be a real "sting operation."
Hopefully Mrs Harding doesn't have any wasp spray. I don't think these little undercover buggers would survive.
Now a hurricane. Ironically, we just watched a movie about a hurricane hitting an island. I don't recall any time period mentioned in the earlier chapters, but the hurricane season is usually July to October, with the middle months being the most prevalent.
It seems like things are coming to a head and there will be lots of action.
Maybe the storm can rid the world of Rapier (and/or Colin).
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
 |
Hello Sandra,
Excellent dialogue between Tania and Grant, a little push and pull,
fire and calm, to build the suspense.
Wasps! I guess this is going to be a real "sting operation."
Hopefully Mrs Harding doesn't have any wasp spray. I don't think these little undercover buggers would survive.
Now a hurricane. Ironically, we just watched a movie about a hurricane hitting an island. I don't recall any time period mentioned in the earlier chapters, but the hurricane season is usually July to October, with the middle months being the most prevalent.
It seems like things are coming to a head and there will be lots of action.
Maybe the storm can rid the world of Rapier (and/or Colin).
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
'Sting operation!! Lol, Robert. that is so funny. This is the autumn, we were in Jamaica a week after they were hit with one, that was in October. It must be awful to live somewhere like that.
Thank you so much for another one of your lovely reviews, Robert, and all those lovely stars. I'm glad you enjoyed this part, Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Well, the romance continues for both girls but at the same time, the danger increases. The hurricane and also that miserable Colins and his mom that hires dangerous people to cover his mistakes.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
Well, the romance continues for both girls but at the same time, the danger increases. The hurricane and also that miserable Colins and his mom that hires dangerous people to cover his mistakes.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
Thank you so much, Iza. Your review and thoughts are very much appreciated. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Agonizing scene--but seems like they've finallly broken through their defenses and all will end well--meantime, hurricane pending and Monica's vulnerability to the evil plot of Marilyn ramp up the suspense. The mosquito spies are ingenious!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
Agonizing scene--but seems like they've finallly broken through their defenses and all will end well--meantime, hurricane pending and Monica's vulnerability to the evil plot of Marilyn ramp up the suspense. The mosquito spies are ingenious!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
Thanks so much, Liz. I liked the spies too! Lol. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
I wonder if the wasps are real or have you made them up? lol
I would really hate to be in a cyclone-prone area.
I have a few suggestions:
'From that first moment I clapped eyes on you, standing there with mud splashed on your nose, giving me a right dressing down for splashing you with my car. Something happened to me. - replace period with a comma
Do you know how you made me feel? No, how could you? - delete question mark after 'you'
It was excitement, no one had spoken to me like that before. - period after 'excitement'
If it wasn't for Monica knowing I'd not just walk off without a word, and raising the alarm, I might not be here today.' - For clarity, I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'If it wasn't for Monica raising the alarm, knowing I'd not just walk off without a word, I might not be here today.'
Grant's furrowed eyes were dragged over Tania's head - I'm not sure eyes can be 'furrowed'. Maybe 'narrowed' or 'Frowning, Grant's gaze shifted to beyond Tania's head.' although I don't like that much either.
Grant and Tania joined them. CNN news was flashing warnings as satellite pictures of a hurricane heading towards America was shown on the television's large screen.- I think it should be 'were shown'
She chided herself for being stupid, yet knowing, or more accurately, not knowing what was going on, had left her worried, and frightened, as well. - I might have said '...worried, as well as frightened'.
Monica had some toasted bacon butties on the go, and plenty of coffee ready for when they arrived, and they were now all sitting around the table tucking in. - you've changed tense here. I would have said 'Monica had some toasted bacon butties on the go, and plenty of coffee ready for when they arrived, and they were sat around the table tucking in.'
After they'd emptied the plates and Monica had cleared the table, she topped up the coffee pot and returned to her seat and let Jeff refill their cups. - delete one 'and'. Either 'After they'd emptied the plates and Monica had cleared the table, she topped up the coffee pot, returned to her seat and let Jeff refill their cups.
Or: 'After they'd emptied the plates and Monica had cleared the table, she topped up the coffee pot and returned to her seat, letting Jeff refill their cups.'
How she knows him, is anyone's guess. - delete comma
But, he's there, and I want to know why.' - delete comma after 'But'
This was getting curiouser and curiouser. - unless you're saying this for effect, I would have said 'more and more curious'.
The winds were picking up but not enough to do any damage at the moment, but she'd seen enough of them on the television to know what would be coming soon--and that did worry her. - I would delete 'of them'
Tania couldn't wipe the smile off her face even if she'd tried, or stop the fluttering feeling in her stomach. Not until she was back with Latifah and watching the hurricane building up over the Atlantic Ocean. - I think it should be 'even if she tried'. Replace period after 'stomach' with a comma or maybe semi-colon.
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
I wonder if the wasps are real or have you made them up? lol
I would really hate to be in a cyclone-prone area.
I have a few suggestions:
'From that first moment I clapped eyes on you, standing there with mud splashed on your nose, giving me a right dressing down for splashing you with my car. Something happened to me. - replace period with a comma
Do you know how you made me feel? No, how could you? - delete question mark after 'you'
It was excitement, no one had spoken to me like that before. - period after 'excitement'
If it wasn't for Monica knowing I'd not just walk off without a word, and raising the alarm, I might not be here today.' - For clarity, I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'If it wasn't for Monica raising the alarm, knowing I'd not just walk off without a word, I might not be here today.'
Grant's furrowed eyes were dragged over Tania's head - I'm not sure eyes can be 'furrowed'. Maybe 'narrowed' or 'Frowning, Grant's gaze shifted to beyond Tania's head.' although I don't like that much either.
Grant and Tania joined them. CNN news was flashing warnings as satellite pictures of a hurricane heading towards America was shown on the television's large screen.- I think it should be 'were shown'
She chided herself for being stupid, yet knowing, or more accurately, not knowing what was going on, had left her worried, and frightened, as well. - I might have said '...worried, as well as frightened'.
Monica had some toasted bacon butties on the go, and plenty of coffee ready for when they arrived, and they were now all sitting around the table tucking in. - you've changed tense here. I would have said 'Monica had some toasted bacon butties on the go, and plenty of coffee ready for when they arrived, and they were sat around the table tucking in.'
After they'd emptied the plates and Monica had cleared the table, she topped up the coffee pot and returned to her seat and let Jeff refill their cups. - delete one 'and'. Either 'After they'd emptied the plates and Monica had cleared the table, she topped up the coffee pot, returned to her seat and let Jeff refill their cups.
Or: 'After they'd emptied the plates and Monica had cleared the table, she topped up the coffee pot and returned to her seat, letting Jeff refill their cups.'
How she knows him, is anyone's guess. - delete comma
But, he's there, and I want to know why.' - delete comma after 'But'
This was getting curiouser and curiouser. - unless you're saying this for effect, I would have said 'more and more curious'.
The winds were picking up but not enough to do any damage at the moment, but she'd seen enough of them on the television to know what would be coming soon--and that did worry her. - I would delete 'of them'
Tania couldn't wipe the smile off her face even if she'd tried, or stop the fluttering feeling in her stomach. Not until she was back with Latifah and watching the hurricane building up over the Atlantic Ocean. - I think it should be 'even if she tried'. Replace period after 'stomach' with a comma or maybe semi-colon.
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
Thank you so very much, Judy! I've made all the corrections, and changed that sentence you didn't like.... ?And that?s one true fact that scares the life out of me. Neither of us knew how Colin would react--? Grant frowned, his attention captured by Peter frantically waving his hands in the air. ?Now what?s up??.....
What do you think?
Thanks again, my friend, for another really helpful review. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
-
That sounds much better. Now, you just need to replace the period with a comma. :) Well done. Judy
'Grant frowned, his attention captured by Peter, frantically waving his hand.'
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, the hurricane was wholly unexpected. So much for her safety on the island. This is a good chapter, Sandra. I'm only calling your attention to one part of it, and over something that might be inconsequential:
trying hard to keep her face straight. [I wonder if you need something just preceding this to show she was softening. She went from being pissed to now having a hard time keeping her face straight (I'm assuming from not laughing). Or maybe what bothers me is the sentence itself about "keeping a straight face." Or maybe I'm just flat wrong. This is just a stray thought.]
What a clever device that wasp is. Is it a total invention? Or have you heard of them before.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
Well, the hurricane was wholly unexpected. So much for her safety on the island. This is a good chapter, Sandra. I'm only calling your attention to one part of it, and over something that might be inconsequential:
trying hard to keep her face straight. [I wonder if you need something just preceding this to show she was softening. She went from being pissed to now having a hard time keeping her face straight (I'm assuming from not laughing). Or maybe what bothers me is the sentence itself about "keeping a straight face." Or maybe I'm just flat wrong. This is just a stray thought.]
What a clever device that wasp is. Is it a total invention? Or have you heard of them before.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
I see what you mean, and I do agree. I've changed that to...
?And then you accused me of stealing your half-brother?s plans,? she said, wavering, but not wanting to give way yet...
Thanks so much, Jay, for another wonderful review. The wasp-spy, lol, that went down well. I'm a fan of 'The Seal Team' and other dramas on the television and watching them use much smaller versions of the drone, I thought I'd go even smaller. When you think how tiny some computers are, the chips etc, why not a tiny wasp-spy? Once this book has been taken up by the film industry, the wasp-spies will be everywhere!! LOL!! Do you think I should patent it? Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Haha, I couldn't help imagining one of those bugs flying around my house and getting captured by a cat. But since I don't see either Colin or his mother as cat people, the bugs should hear some interesting plans. Then the conspirators should get caught before their plans can hatch. Hope so.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
Haha, I couldn't help imagining one of those bugs flying around my house and getting captured by a cat. But since I don't see either Colin or his mother as cat people, the bugs should hear some interesting plans. Then the conspirators should get caught before their plans can hatch. Hope so.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
That wouldn't have been very helpful, would it, a cat would see it straight away and watch it. That would immediately grab Colin's or his mother's attention! No, they are most definitely cat haters!! LOL.
Thank you so much, Cindy, for another lovely review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying the story. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Gert sherwood
Betrayal Chapter 30
sandramitchell it looks like I should of starting to read your book --Betrayal --Of what I read just now. I found your writing keeps a person wanted to read more.
I like the chacters and their role in your story
Smiles I see that you have invited wasp to fly in and add what ever role they will buzz and more interest into your excellent novel.
Gert
Believe it or not, wasps do more good than harm. They play a vital role in protecting gardens and farm crops by controlling pest populations.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
Betrayal Chapter 30
sandramitchell it looks like I should of starting to read your book --Betrayal --Of what I read just now. I found your writing keeps a person wanted to read more.
I like the chacters and their role in your story
Smiles I see that you have invited wasp to fly in and add what ever role they will buzz and more interest into your excellent novel.
Gert
Believe it or not, wasps do more good than harm. They play a vital role in protecting gardens and farm crops by controlling pest populations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
I totally agree with you about the warps, most insects are there for a reason. The only one I'd get rid of is the fly! A pet hate of mine.
Thank you so much for reading this part, my friend, I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Warm hugs, :)) Sandra xx
-
You are most welcome
sandramitchell
Gert
-
sandramitchell you are most welcome
Gert
