Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Betrayal Chapter 40"In the title.
40 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
Wow! she went off on Grant, but he deserved it. You go, Monica.
It reminds me of some of the people who once worked for me.
Good one, Sandy/
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021
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Wow! she went off on Grant, but he deserved it. You go, Monica.
It reminds me of some of the people who once worked for me.
Good one, Sandy/
Comment Written 12-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2021
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Sometimes you just have to say how you feel! Lol. Thank you so much for this lovely review and all the stars, Chuck. I'm so glad you enjoyed this part. Sending you a warm hug, and lots of love, my dear friend. :)) Sandy xx
Comment from muffinmama
Finally! The fool decided to take a chance and reveal his true feelings and act on them.
But what a wickedly fiery speech she delivered! Good for her. It's probably what pushed Grant forward.
The passion is palpable and breathtaking.
This is a terrific chapter, as it still maintains the mystery of who the traitor is.
Well done, my pal!
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Finally! The fool decided to take a chance and reveal his true feelings and act on them.
But what a wickedly fiery speech she delivered! Good for her. It's probably what pushed Grant forward.
The passion is palpable and breathtaking.
This is a terrific chapter, as it still maintains the mystery of who the traitor is.
Well done, my pal!
Comment Written 12-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Aw, you lovely lady, thank you so very!! I'm so glad you liked this part, and couldn't stop himself letting Tania know how he really felt. He's just got to get over the idea that all women are untrustworthy, and I think Tania is the one to help him. Yep, we still have to find the traitor! Thank you, Ryma, for this wonderful review and for that golden sixth star. You have finished my day with a huge smile! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment from tfawcus
This was a rollercoaster ride! You've really stirred up curiosity about who the informant might be. Certainly not Lorna, but who else knows what's going on? Surely not Monica?
Tania is quick to jump to conclusions, isn't she? Quite a challenge for Grant, but he seems to be up for it!
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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This was a rollercoaster ride! You've really stirred up curiosity about who the informant might be. Certainly not Lorna, but who else knows what's going on? Surely not Monica?
Tania is quick to jump to conclusions, isn't she? Quite a challenge for Grant, but he seems to be up for it!
Comment Written 12-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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That will remain a mystery until Grant returns to London and does some investigative work! Thank you so much, Tony, for this lovely review and all the stars, I really appreciate them both. Warm hugs, my friend. Are we getting a chapter from you this week? :)) Sandra xxx
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I?m struggling with the next chapter. Not sure which way to go. Long walks on the beach with my dog aren?t making things any clearer yet. However, I m sure it?ll come when it?s ready. The delete key is less cathartic than a waste paper basket full of scrunched up pages and a great saving of trees.
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I think we all come to that wall that stands in our way, but it will crumble and when you start that keyboard going, you'll be off again. Don't think too hard about where it's going, think instead of how it got to where it is, you might surprise yourself how quickly it will start up again. xxxxx
Comment from Jay Squires
Just about the time I think they couldn't be more in love, Grant gave here the whammy that slammed that door. Then just when I thought she couldn't despise anyone more ... he comes through with his magic lips, and then it's nothing but grande mal explosions! This is one helluva chapter, Sandra!
Rapier told him that Lorna ... I think you've met her, haven't you?' On Tania's nod, she continued. 'He told Grant she is his informant, she was the one who told Colin where you were.' [Ah-ha! Unless this is a red-herring, I remember telling you a long time ago, in a review, that I thought Lorna was the mole. (Isn't that gangster-eze for an informant?)
When she opened her mouth to protest, he brought his face close enough to claim her lips and let his tongue plunder her mouth, effectively cutting off further argument. [Whoa, woman! This didn't come from the author of a coloring book! Gotta get back to the story ...]
I knew it! I knew it would end in an eruption. It had to!
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Just about the time I think they couldn't be more in love, Grant gave here the whammy that slammed that door. Then just when I thought she couldn't despise anyone more ... he comes through with his magic lips, and then it's nothing but grande mal explosions! This is one helluva chapter, Sandra!
Rapier told him that Lorna ... I think you've met her, haven't you?' On Tania's nod, she continued. 'He told Grant she is his informant, she was the one who told Colin where you were.' [Ah-ha! Unless this is a red-herring, I remember telling you a long time ago, in a review, that I thought Lorna was the mole. (Isn't that gangster-eze for an informant?)
When she opened her mouth to protest, he brought his face close enough to claim her lips and let his tongue plunder her mouth, effectively cutting off further argument. [Whoa, woman! This didn't come from the author of a coloring book! Gotta get back to the story ...]
I knew it! I knew it would end in an eruption. It had to!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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LOL!! I said the same thing to Graham after I'd finished this chapter, that no one would believe I write for children. Variety, my friend!! Lol.
Yes, you did mention Lorna being the traitor, but sorry to disappoint you, she's not! But, how come Rapier said she was? And if he was just stirring Grant up, he must know who the real one is... Hmm. Thank you, my dear friend, you gave me some giggles in this review. Sending you a humongous hug! :)) Sandra xxx
Thank you so very much for your amazing review, Jay, and all those stars.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Nice story about trust and betrayal and love within that context. A veryyyyyyy steamy sexuality to the story that was enjoyable. Interested in seeing what happens next. good job
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Nice story about trust and betrayal and love within that context. A veryyyyyyy steamy sexuality to the story that was enjoyable. Interested in seeing what happens next. good job
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much, Theodore! I really appreciate your lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed it, lol, it was a bit on the steamy side, wasn't it? Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
Anger, while being one letter short of danger, can also fuel great passion. All that pent-up emotion between Grant and Tania had to erupt eventually. I hope Grant remembered to lock Tania's door after placing Monica outside the room. Now, to learn if Lorna is truly the culprit.
Jan
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Sandra:
Anger, while being one letter short of danger, can also fuel great passion. All that pent-up emotion between Grant and Tania had to erupt eventually. I hope Grant remembered to lock Tania's door after placing Monica outside the room. Now, to learn if Lorna is truly the culprit.
Jan
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Yes, he locked the door!! Lol. Thank you so much, Jan, for this lovely review. Grant's first job when he gets back to London will be to find this betrayer. Then watch out! Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
There is some great writing here but whoever betrayed Grant? I'll be pondering this until you let us all off the hook!
I'm suggesting some edits but please take on board only those you agree with.
'What the hell was that?' Monica gripped hold of Tania's arm. - delete 'hold of'
The relief came with the releasing of held breaths. - delete 'The'
Tania rushed over to open the door, and grabbing his arm, pulled him in. - a little lesson (sorry, can't help myself) - the basic sentence is 'Tania rushed over to open the door and pulled him in.' So, when you add 'grabbing his arm', that's the bit that has commas either side. So you end up with 'Tania rushed over to open the door and, grabbing his arm, pulled him in.'
'José, thank goodness it's you. What was that horrific noise? It scared the living daylights out of all of us.' - delete 'all'
José rubbed his head, his bleak eyes looking at the women in front of him waiting for an answer. - I might have rearranged this to 'José rubbed his head, his bleak eyes looking at the women waiting for an answer in front of him' It still doesn't read very well. You could delete 'in front of him'.
Taking in her pale face, and red eyes, he knew she had been crying - delete comma after 'face'
With his finger under her chin, he lifted her head up so he could look - delete 'up'
He could tell at a glance whatever Grant said, had really upset her. - delete comma
'I want to go back to England, can you get me to the airport? - replace comma with a period
Think about what you're asking, the danger you'll be putting yourself in if you go back. - replace comma with a period
As he stared at her, he saw the harsh determination stamp its ownership in her eyes. - I might have deleted 'stamp its ownership'. To me, it is superfluous and a bit melodramatic
Tania turned towards the house and started walking towards it, - delete 'towards it'
A heavy emptiness engulfed her, it was something she'd never felt before. - replace comma with a semi-colon
Her hands, now loosely folded on her lap, started shaking, and then huge tears rolled down onto her cheeks. - delete 'and' and 'onto'
When she'd stopped, she took a tissue from her pocket and gave it to Tania to wipe her face. - delete 'to wipe her face'
'He told Grant she is his informant, she was the one who told Colin where you were.' - replace comma with a period
You don't deserve Lorna in your company, in fact, women should be warned about you! - replace comma with a period
This time when she stormed out she went straight up to her room and flung herself on her bed. - I would have said 'the bed'
More and more they came, sending excruciating pleasures to every single tingling, vibrating, nerve end, until, at last, they ignited, bursting forth like a volcanic eruption.... - delete comma after 'vibrating'
Well done on some great writing.
Judy
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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There is some great writing here but whoever betrayed Grant? I'll be pondering this until you let us all off the hook!
I'm suggesting some edits but please take on board only those you agree with.
'What the hell was that?' Monica gripped hold of Tania's arm. - delete 'hold of'
The relief came with the releasing of held breaths. - delete 'The'
Tania rushed over to open the door, and grabbing his arm, pulled him in. - a little lesson (sorry, can't help myself) - the basic sentence is 'Tania rushed over to open the door and pulled him in.' So, when you add 'grabbing his arm', that's the bit that has commas either side. So you end up with 'Tania rushed over to open the door and, grabbing his arm, pulled him in.'
'José, thank goodness it's you. What was that horrific noise? It scared the living daylights out of all of us.' - delete 'all'
José rubbed his head, his bleak eyes looking at the women in front of him waiting for an answer. - I might have rearranged this to 'José rubbed his head, his bleak eyes looking at the women waiting for an answer in front of him' It still doesn't read very well. You could delete 'in front of him'.
Taking in her pale face, and red eyes, he knew she had been crying - delete comma after 'face'
With his finger under her chin, he lifted her head up so he could look - delete 'up'
He could tell at a glance whatever Grant said, had really upset her. - delete comma
'I want to go back to England, can you get me to the airport? - replace comma with a period
Think about what you're asking, the danger you'll be putting yourself in if you go back. - replace comma with a period
As he stared at her, he saw the harsh determination stamp its ownership in her eyes. - I might have deleted 'stamp its ownership'. To me, it is superfluous and a bit melodramatic
Tania turned towards the house and started walking towards it, - delete 'towards it'
A heavy emptiness engulfed her, it was something she'd never felt before. - replace comma with a semi-colon
Her hands, now loosely folded on her lap, started shaking, and then huge tears rolled down onto her cheeks. - delete 'and' and 'onto'
When she'd stopped, she took a tissue from her pocket and gave it to Tania to wipe her face. - delete 'to wipe her face'
'He told Grant she is his informant, she was the one who told Colin where you were.' - replace comma with a period
You don't deserve Lorna in your company, in fact, women should be warned about you! - replace comma with a period
This time when she stormed out she went straight up to her room and flung herself on her bed. - I would have said 'the bed'
More and more they came, sending excruciating pleasures to every single tingling, vibrating, nerve end, until, at last, they ignited, bursting forth like a volcanic eruption.... - delete comma after 'vibrating'
Well done on some great writing.
Judy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Thank you so very much, Judy! What a great review, I'm so happy you liked it, thanks for that wonderful compliment, too. I'm now going to copy and paste your review to my MS Doc, and go through it on there rather than mess it up on here. I tend to forget to delete the error, and just add the suggestions! Thank you again, you've made my day! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
This came as a shock! I have a hard time relating to a segue from misplaced rage to rage reciprocated to agressive lust to lust reciprocated. My personal revulsion for Grant's behavior aside, the lusting, and the raging that preceded it, are masterfully rendered! This is the stuff that sells. Fine work!
sugg: Monica gripped [OMIT: hold of] Tania's arm.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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This came as a shock! I have a hard time relating to a segue from misplaced rage to rage reciprocated to agressive lust to lust reciprocated. My personal revulsion for Grant's behavior aside, the lusting, and the raging that preceded it, are masterfully rendered! This is the stuff that sells. Fine work!
sugg: Monica gripped [OMIT: hold of] Tania's arm.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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The trouble is, this one and only raunchy scene is almost at the end of the book so no 'publisher' would look at it twice. Shame, I thought I could be another Jackie Collins!!! Lol.
Thank you so much for your suggestion, I'll go and sort that now. And, thank you, Liz, for this great review. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Ok, did Tania, say she was leaving to see what kind of reaction she would get from Grant? I believe so. They both are strong-willed individuals. You did a great job with this chapter, Sandra. The details are interesting, the descriptive wording is great, and of course Tania and Grant's secret that isn't a secret anymore. It will be interesting to find out who the leak actually is.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Ok, did Tania, say she was leaving to see what kind of reaction she would get from Grant? I believe so. They both are strong-willed individuals. You did a great job with this chapter, Sandra. The details are interesting, the descriptive wording is great, and of course Tania and Grant's secret that isn't a secret anymore. It will be interesting to find out who the leak actually is.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much, Jan, for reading this part, and for your lovely review. You are right, they are very strong-willed and suit each other admireably! lol. Who is the snitch? This is the question everyone wants to know, but one thing is for sure, it's not Lorna! Thank you, my friend. I loved your review. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! That was quite the scene! I was thinking that Tania is right to be so indignant and to tell Grant off like that. But then Grant seems to have other ideas about where Tania belongs. I wonder if he actually took her advice to check on Lorna?
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2021
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Wow! That was quite the scene! I was thinking that Tania is right to be so indignant and to tell Grant off like that. But then Grant seems to have other ideas about where Tania belongs. I wonder if he actually took her advice to check on Lorna?
Comment Written 11-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2021
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He knows it couldn't possibly be Lorna, she's been more a mother to him than a company directer. His problem is he still feels betrayed by his mother and ex wife, it's a lot for him to stop being so distrusting. (okay, I making excuses for him!!) Thank you so much for reading this part and the lovely review you gave it. Sending you a hug, dear friend. :)) Sandra xx
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Well, thank you for reaffirming some faith in Grant. Now I won't feel bad that Tania loves him. Lol.
