Joanne's Big Hit
A very big moment in a little girl's life.20 total reviews
Comment from amahra
I loved it. The rhythm and rhyming were awesome. Just one thing below, if I may:
"So on to third, no time to fall." ....This line sounds a little forced...how about [So on to third, skid marks and all] or something to that effect. Just my opinion. But loved it just the same.
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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I loved it. The rhythm and rhyming were awesome. Just one thing below, if I may:
"So on to third, no time to fall." ....This line sounds a little forced...how about [So on to third, skid marks and all] or something to that effect. Just my opinion. But loved it just the same.
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Thanks, amahra. Great suggestion. I'll make the change.
Comment from Whitewave
Paul,
A fun poem with good rhymes, tension increasing stanza by stanza as you describe the step by step process of the little girl getting to her turn at the bat and the feelings associated with it all. I'm sure every T-Ball player dreams of that big hit so it is good to know Joanne belted all her fears away and scored the winning home run. Hooray!
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Paul,
A fun poem with good rhymes, tension increasing stanza by stanza as you describe the step by step process of the little girl getting to her turn at the bat and the feelings associated with it all. I'm sure every T-Ball player dreams of that big hit so it is good to know Joanne belted all her fears away and scored the winning home run. Hooray!
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Thanks, Whitewave. It's always good to see the girls do well.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
Congratulations on your 50th post, a tremendous achievement!!!!! I enjoyed this children's poem, you did a great job with the prompt. This is well composed and presented and is a good contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Congratulations on your 50th post, a tremendous achievement!!!!! I enjoyed this children's poem, you did a great job with the prompt. This is well composed and presented and is a good contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, K.L. It was a nice change of pace.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
What a thrilling poem capturing the excitement of a little girl hitting the ball and running the bases. A perfect entry as girls' sports has more participation and dads in the stand watching their sport stars.
Best wishes
Mary
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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What a thrilling poem capturing the excitement of a little girl hitting the ball and running the bases. A perfect entry as girls' sports has more participation and dads in the stand watching their sport stars.
Best wishes
Mary
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Mary. I am a big fan of women's sports.
Comment from Wendy G
Excellent! Children of school age will enjoy this and identify with it. You build up the sense of responsibility along with the drama. Then a happy outcome. Great rhyme and metre too, of course.
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Excellent! Children of school age will enjoy this and identify with it. You build up the sense of responsibility along with the drama. Then a happy outcome. Great rhyme and metre too, of course.
Wendy
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Wendy. Girl's sports has come a long way in the last twenty years.
Comment from royowen
How exciting you've made this, I sometimes write about cricketing exploits , which undoubtedly baseball springs from, I played a game called rounders, when young, which is similar to baseball with four bases, a pitching mound, but different bat. you write these very well Paul, smooth tetrameter with couplet rhyming, obviously at home with this style, well done, good job, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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How exciting you've made this, I sometimes write about cricketing exploits , which undoubtedly baseball springs from, I played a game called rounders, when young, which is similar to baseball with four bases, a pitching mound, but different bat. you write these very well Paul, smooth tetrameter with couplet rhyming, obviously at home with this style, well done, good job, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Roy. It's good to see girls participating in sports that were once reserved for boys, only.
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The same here, girls here are not only playing international cricket, but they?re playing footie too, soccer and local footie, professionally. Well done
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine write, good rhymes and flow and you made me smile. A skilful write. I have a suggestion for this line as it is out of metre:
"We had to play (beneath) the lights."
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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A fine write, good rhymes and flow and you made me smile. A skilful write. I have a suggestion for this line as it is out of metre:
"We had to play (beneath) the lights."
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Christine. You are right. I made the change.
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Great x x x
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Great one. I wonder how many boys hated this one. This is cute. My daughter first time at golf with her, then boyfriend showed him up, she got a hole in one. He never took her back. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Great one. I wonder how many boys hated this one. This is cute. My daughter first time at golf with her, then boyfriend showed him up, she got a hole in one. He never took her back. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Carolyn. Girls' sports today have come a long way.
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Yes, it has. My girls played in all sports.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry was fun to read, Paul. I could see
everything as I read. Great job with the smooth flow,
the great rhymes, and the awesome ending. I like how
you included members from the other team doing their
part.
Best wishes, Jan
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reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Your contest entry was fun to read, Paul. I could see
everything as I read. Great job with the smooth flow,
the great rhymes, and the awesome ending. I like how
you included members from the other team doing their
part.
Best wishes, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Jan. It's great to see girls participating in all the different sports.
Comment from JoannaN
This poem is funny, has good- soundind rhymes and can be easily read both to children and their parents. Congratulations on your Milestone (fifty) post :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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This poem is funny, has good- soundind rhymes and can be easily read both to children and their parents. Congratulations on your Milestone (fifty) post :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2022
reply by the author on 21-May-2022
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Thanks, Joanna. Go girls.
