Comment from LisaMay

Excellent

Haha... I hope you get your money back! Everyone in positions of authority (except Presidents) is getting younger and younger - your ''captain'' probably doesn't even shave yet.

Suggestion:
Beginning your story with 'It was supposed to be fun' signals the unhappy ending somewhat. Maybe you could let the reader wait, by changing the intro sentence to something like:

We were looking forward to some fun, judging by what the brochure said.
(same number of words)


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 Comment Written 07-Jun-2022

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022

Thanks for reading this and your fine suggestion. The contest is being voted on now, so I don't think I can change it. It was a great suggestion though, thank you.

Comment from Fleedleflump

Excellent

Ah, those randy youths and their easily distracted attentions, lol. I enjoyed this very much - you tell a fun little tale in an incredibly tight format. No errors or nits to note. I thought this was great.

Mike

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 Comment Written 07-Jun-2022

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022

Thanks for reviewing this story and the great comments. It doesn't make much sense to hire young people, who have a short attention span anyway, to run a bunch of paying customers around in a boat. It's a recipe for disaster.