The businesswoman
danger19 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
We all agree! The coronavirus is NOT welcome ever in any part of the world. I was curious about who the narrator was but I'm sure all the CDC agencies around the world have been completely exhausted these past two years. Hope you do well in the contest!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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We all agree! The coronavirus is NOT welcome ever in any part of the world. I was curious about who the narrator was but I'm sure all the CDC agencies around the world have been completely exhausted these past two years. Hope you do well in the contest!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Me too:) thanks for your review and for supporting me in my literary adventure
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I have a feeling Coronella is around forever and will never leave us alone. We need to live with it like we have done other viruses. Thank you for sharing this writing prompt with us.
I told her that I was an egocentric racist, so she better keep her fengshui away, but she didn't care. (omit 'that')
She was like that Shaolin that used the air to conquer the world. (omit the first 'that')
but I resisted telling her that God gave us the Sun and Moon, (omit 'that')
I laughed and told him that my only free thing was my imagination, (omit 'that')
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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I have a feeling Coronella is around forever and will never leave us alone. We need to live with it like we have done other viruses. Thank you for sharing this writing prompt with us.
I told her that I was an egocentric racist, so she better keep her fengshui away, but she didn't care. (omit 'that')
She was like that Shaolin that used the air to conquer the world. (omit the first 'that')
but I resisted telling her that God gave us the Sun and Moon, (omit 'that')
I laughed and told him that my only free thing was my imagination, (omit 'that')
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Hi Barbara:) thank you so much for the great review
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This was very, very clever writing, Iza. The gift no one wanted, but was allowed in anyway. It's not until the end we realise what 'it' is, and it made so much sense! That 'it' fooled the governments around the world, was true, (mind you, anything can get by my government.) This was an excellent contest entry, and I wish I had the sixth star to give you. Well done, and good luck! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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This was very, very clever writing, Iza. The gift no one wanted, but was allowed in anyway. It's not until the end we realise what 'it' is, and it made so much sense! That 'it' fooled the governments around the world, was true, (mind you, anything can get by my government.) This was an excellent contest entry, and I wish I had the sixth star to give you. Well done, and good luck! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much Sandra for that six from your heart:)
Comment from writer723
This is a very interesting story and a fine offering for the contest. I felt drawn in by the scenario from beginning to end. Your descriptions and depictions were vivid and detailed. Great job!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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This is a very interesting story and a fine offering for the contest. I felt drawn in by the scenario from beginning to end. Your descriptions and depictions were vivid and detailed. Great job!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much mystery writer:)
Comment from jp88
This was an interesting read. I'll be honest, I wasn't fully able to follow. It was the kind of story that I happily read, followed and at the end wasn't quite sure what I read, but that I did enjoy it. So overall, nice work!
There's a little error in the first line: She came a long way to give me something that I didn't wanted. - I think it should be "She came a long way to give me something that I didn't want" or "that I hadn't wanted"?
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This was an interesting read. I'll be honest, I wasn't fully able to follow. It was the kind of story that I happily read, followed and at the end wasn't quite sure what I read, but that I did enjoy it. So overall, nice work!
There's a little error in the first line: She came a long way to give me something that I didn't wanted. - I think it should be "She came a long way to give me something that I didn't want" or "that I hadn't wanted"?
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for your honest opinion, this is just a continuation of my book Coronella Chronic
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job leading up to the conclusion 'it'
wasn't wanted--the it being the virus. Your story read
well with great imagery.
Best wishes, Jan
May I suggest ~
She came a long way to give me something that I didn't (want)wanted.
I guess money makes the world ( go round) goes around.
She brought with her something that turned our world upside down! I told her that I am(was) an egocentric racist, so she better keep her fengshui away, but she didn't care. With one blow she ripped through my self-defenses like there was nothing(to stop her).
She persuaded me (by) offering the sun and moon, but I resisted telling her that God gave us the Sun and Moon(,) and she (couldn't)cannot use them as a bargaining chip. But(,) she managed to fool the greedy politician(politicians, ) and they let her waltz her way across continents and fake democracy.
None of them smelt the trap. Under her nice looks and philanthropic demeanor(,) there was something ancient and evil. Every time I (looked at her,)was looking at her, I got that feeling that something bad(was) is creeping inside our souls. I tried to resist her, and my visit(visits) to the local chapel increased. I asked my Boss(boss) to guide me through this, but he just plastered me with the ancient excuse that I have free will and should use it. I laugh(laughed) and told him that my only free thing(was) is my imagination, the rest is prisoner to societal constraints. Oh, man, if I could only see and understand the real message, but no! I was blind and deaf living in a content illusion. I tried to convince myself that if I stopped making waves, Madame (would go away.)will away. See this was my main mistake. If I just opened my eyes and harass(harassed) her with questions, I could've found out her real motif(motive). But(,) she managed to throw some bribes in the direction of my superiors aka greedy lackeys that(who for. . . ) for a coin closed their eyes and let us perish . Some of them are gone now, and I wonder how(those . . . coins bought them . . . ). that coin bought them a free passage to hell.
My name is Marco(,) and I have nothing in common with Marco Polo. I am working for the Center of Diseases and Prevention(,) of course under cover. I am an agent of God sent to keep strange strains content, but one fooled me and got away. Oh, Carolina!
That morning when I opened the door to my secret lab, Coronella smiled and gave me the most dangerous strain that started as a cold, but then through me she managed to attack the rest of the world. She cursed me! Whatever I (touched)am touching multiplies and mutates. I am so tired and all I wanna do is to scream: " Coronella, you are not welcome! Get out of here! Return to your cave and be dead for another millennium!"
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You did a great job leading up to the conclusion 'it'
wasn't wanted--the it being the virus. Your story read
well with great imagery.
Best wishes, Jan
May I suggest ~
She came a long way to give me something that I didn't (want)wanted.
I guess money makes the world ( go round) goes around.
She brought with her something that turned our world upside down! I told her that I am(was) an egocentric racist, so she better keep her fengshui away, but she didn't care. With one blow she ripped through my self-defenses like there was nothing(to stop her).
She persuaded me (by) offering the sun and moon, but I resisted telling her that God gave us the Sun and Moon(,) and she (couldn't)cannot use them as a bargaining chip. But(,) she managed to fool the greedy politician(politicians, ) and they let her waltz her way across continents and fake democracy.
None of them smelt the trap. Under her nice looks and philanthropic demeanor(,) there was something ancient and evil. Every time I (looked at her,)was looking at her, I got that feeling that something bad(was) is creeping inside our souls. I tried to resist her, and my visit(visits) to the local chapel increased. I asked my Boss(boss) to guide me through this, but he just plastered me with the ancient excuse that I have free will and should use it. I laugh(laughed) and told him that my only free thing(was) is my imagination, the rest is prisoner to societal constraints. Oh, man, if I could only see and understand the real message, but no! I was blind and deaf living in a content illusion. I tried to convince myself that if I stopped making waves, Madame (would go away.)will away. See this was my main mistake. If I just opened my eyes and harass(harassed) her with questions, I could've found out her real motif(motive). But(,) she managed to throw some bribes in the direction of my superiors aka greedy lackeys that(who for. . . ) for a coin closed their eyes and let us perish . Some of them are gone now, and I wonder how(those . . . coins bought them . . . ). that coin bought them a free passage to hell.
My name is Marco(,) and I have nothing in common with Marco Polo. I am working for the Center of Diseases and Prevention(,) of course under cover. I am an agent of God sent to keep strange strains content, but one fooled me and got away. Oh, Carolina!
That morning when I opened the door to my secret lab, Coronella smiled and gave me the most dangerous strain that started as a cold, but then through me she managed to attack the rest of the world. She cursed me! Whatever I (touched)am touching multiplies and mutates. I am so tired and all I wanna do is to scream: " Coronella, you are not welcome! Get out of here! Return to your cave and be dead for another millennium!"
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
Comment from country ranch writer
6/8/2022-----6:18pmm.
First sentence should be want?
Is it Carolina or coronella?
Being a scientist you should have been on your toes!
Evil lurked everywhere. .
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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6/8/2022-----6:18pmm.
First sentence should be want?
Is it Carolina or coronella?
Being a scientist you should have been on your toes!
Evil lurked everywhere. .
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thanks, and carolina is from that song "Oh, caroliona" i think shaggy is the singer.
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Smiles👀🍪🍩😉
Comment from kahpot
Wow! (first up if I may) the first line-(something I didn't wanted) should this be "want" this story really set my imagination alight in deciding what was unwanted and I came to the conclusion that it is a virus I am reading about, right or wrong I thoroughly enjoyed your story, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
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Wow! (first up if I may) the first line-(something I didn't wanted) should this be "want" this story really set my imagination alight in deciding what was unwanted and I came to the conclusion that it is a virus I am reading about, right or wrong I thoroughly enjoyed your story, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
Comment from BethShelby
So you, Marco, are the one that let that lady get by you and get loose on the rest of us. I think you are right. She is definitely evil and what she has to give is something no one wants. She definitely fooled the politician when she promised to fade away but Easter that first year.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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So you, Marco, are the one that let that lady get by you and get loose on the rest of us. I think you are right. She is definitely evil and what she has to give is something no one wants. She definitely fooled the politician when she promised to fade away but Easter that first year.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
