The Garment
a poem, rhymed. abcb, mixed meter18 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I can speak as a man who came to Christ at the age of 41, I found faith was attractive, simply put, but it required God's intervention to put me on the road. I didn't understand, I could probably have read this but still not understand, it takes a seed, which this is for somebody. Beautifully written, and well done, blessings Roy
Suggestion (then) Christ died a horrid death.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2022
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I can speak as a man who came to Christ at the age of 41, I found faith was attractive, simply put, but it required God's intervention to put me on the road. I didn't understand, I could probably have read this but still not understand, it takes a seed, which this is for somebody. Beautifully written, and well done, blessings Roy
Suggestion (then) Christ died a horrid death.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2022
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Oh dear, I don't know what you mean with your suggestion, my friend -- "then" is already there. Are you saying that you think I should remove it?
Thanks so much, Roy! (And yes, man -- or woman, as in my case -- is powerless to affect change without the Almighty's intervention. The best we can hope to do is 'plant a seed'...)
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Yes remove it, you had seven syllables there with six syllable in the others, it was off meter, all the others were 8686. I thought you knew that, blessings Roy
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Well done
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Nope -- I completely missed it. Thanks!!! I will look again...
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I actually had another stanza and removed it because of the meter... I don't rely on syllable count, although I usually check and adjust as necessary. Thank you, Roy!
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Hmmm, nope, I can't reconcile the difference -- still -- because other stanzas are not uniform in syllable count either. That is why I chose to caption as I did = "mixed meter". When recited aloud, removing "then" trips the tongue.
But this is the kind of feedback that is SO valuable, Roy. I will still think on it -- thank you!!!!!!
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:) And yes, of course, I knew about syllable count!! Lol. BUT (and this is important) too often those new to writing poetry (or music) tend to rely too heavily on syllable count alone. As you know, there is a lot more to establishing a smooth read/rhythm. Enjambment, for example, can change the syllable count for a particular line but make for a smooth recitation.
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No, I get that Dawn, the word is superfluous OK?
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Yes, I will think about it -- thank you.
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'His precious Son bore torture AND then died a horrid death' = the torture here being a separate event. People do suffer torture without dying. I was trying to avoid using the word "and" in that line because it is used in the line before it, but I will give it more thought.
Comment from damommy
This is so lovely! Well written with good choice of words. Perfect meter and rhyme. The presentation is beautiful. More important, the message is one we need to think on every day of the year.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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This is so lovely! Well written with good choice of words. Perfect meter and rhyme. The presentation is beautiful. More important, the message is one we need to think on every day of the year.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2022
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The word is so overused, I hesitate to write it, but there simply isn't a better one. I am honored, Yvonne -- thank you!!!!
Comment from Wendy G
Very impressive. Definitely worth six stars. You have written a magnificent poem including, praise, worship, an explanation of His life, work, ministry and salvation - all with clarity, excellent rhyme and metre, smooth flow, and a beautiful presentation. I can tell that this was not only thoughtful, but prayerful.
Wendy
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Very impressive. Definitely worth six stars. You have written a magnificent poem including, praise, worship, an explanation of His life, work, ministry and salvation - all with clarity, excellent rhyme and metre, smooth flow, and a beautiful presentation. I can tell that this was not only thoughtful, but prayerful.
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
Comment from Paul McFarland
You have done a really good job, Dawn, of spreading the Word. The gospel music, one of my favorite types, of Sam Cooke is always a pleasure to hear.
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You have done a really good job, Dawn, of spreading the Word. The gospel music, one of my favorite types, of Sam Cooke is always a pleasure to hear.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful and very well written 6-star poem you have penned for the Inspire belief in the living God contest. You used great descriptive and very true words and very lovely imagery from the art work you chose and the music you chose to use. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
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This is a very beautiful and very well written 6-star poem you have penned for the Inspire belief in the living God contest. You used great descriptive and very true words and very lovely imagery from the art work you chose and the music you chose to use. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
Comment from Douglas Goff
The Bible states that many will be blinded until the end times.
I've seen people witness miracles and barely bat an eye at the awesomeness of the creator.
Strange times.......
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The Bible states that many will be blinded until the end times.
I've seen people witness miracles and barely bat an eye at the awesomeness of the creator.
Strange times.......
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
Comment from prettybluebirds
If one didn't believe, you might convince them to do so with this writing. It is lovely and a delight to read. The artwork is amazing and adds much to the writing. I wish you luck in the contest.
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If one didn't believe, you might convince them to do so with this writing. It is lovely and a delight to read. The artwork is amazing and adds much to the writing. I wish you luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a heartfelt religious poem about being a faithful servant and accepting Christ. The text is a great size, but to me the font selected does not fit the elegance and the holy gospel of your message. Consider selecting a font that looks a bit more refined.
The visual fit perfectly. Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 21-Nov-2022
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This is a heartfelt religious poem about being a faithful servant and accepting Christ. The text is a great size, but to me the font selected does not fit the elegance and the holy gospel of your message. Consider selecting a font that looks a bit more refined.
The visual fit perfectly. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2022
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Thank you -- I like your suggestion too -- I actually gave it a lot of thought before using that font, but I liked the idea of it (it's called Shadows Into Light) which is why I chose it. But you're right. Something more elegant would be better I think. :))
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You are welcome. The name of the font fits your piece, but the appearance of the font is too casual for such a serious piece.
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Yes, I think so too -- I have changed it, although using this font on another poem, one reviewer said it was too difficult to read. Personally, it seems fine as it appears on my screen, but if you wouldn't mind, your second glance and feedback would be very much appreciated. ?
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This is a more elegant font but is difficult to read because of all the swirls. I think you haven't found the one yet.
