Comment from dellsworthpoet

Excellent

An interesting poem. The images are clear. The language is hard-edged as fits the subject. The narrative stays on point. The piece reads well.

Suggestion:

I think this type of poem would work well in chant format. That being a long line and then a short refrain. I would be thinking "here inside the machine" every other line would make it even more mechanical and incessant in drum-beat.

Thanks for a good read.

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 Comment Written 24-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2023

Thanks for the excellent review and your interesting suggestion for reorganzing the piece. That actually sounds like it might be something I would be interested in trying. I'll have to see if I can come up with something along those lines. estory

reply by dellsworthpoet on 26-Jun-2023

You are welcome.