Love Honor and a Mail Order Bride
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Starry Night on a Broken Road"Indian girl vies for the heart of a homesteader
11 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
As usual, your content is very, very good and readable. Ruth Thompson sounds like she is trying hard to be a good mother and escape from inevitable separation from her daughter.
Little fix:
Finally, she drifted off to sleep praying Luke would return safely from his trip.
I would put a comma after sleep.
And also:
"What's your name sweetie?"
I would put a comma after name.
And lastly, I think maybe add another detail, that if the daughter, Anna, feels more comfortable after Luke picks her up to hug her tight, that maybe he can feel Anna relax, as if she were already starting to trust him.
Maybe Aiyana will have keen competition from here on out.
Favorite line in chapter: Darkness swallowed Luke whole
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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As usual, your content is very, very good and readable. Ruth Thompson sounds like she is trying hard to be a good mother and escape from inevitable separation from her daughter.
Little fix:
Finally, she drifted off to sleep praying Luke would return safely from his trip.
I would put a comma after sleep.
And also:
"What's your name sweetie?"
I would put a comma after name.
And lastly, I think maybe add another detail, that if the daughter, Anna, feels more comfortable after Luke picks her up to hug her tight, that maybe he can feel Anna relax, as if she were already starting to trust him.
Maybe Aiyana will have keen competition from here on out.
Favorite line in chapter: Darkness swallowed Luke whole
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much Crystie. I'm saving the message to this, so I can make fixes. Appreciate your skills!
