Dance Hall Girl
Scenes from a Dance hall34 total reviews
Comment from zaraduck6
What a lovely poem! I truly loved the words--they were captivating. The rhyme scheme and syllable count were brilliantly executed. This poem was overall amazing. Well done!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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What a lovely poem! I truly loved the words--they were captivating. The rhyme scheme and syllable count were brilliantly executed. This poem was overall amazing. Well done!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi zaraduck6. Thank you for your wonderful comments and kind review
Comment from Aussie
When people drink so many dreadful things happen. When I see American TV mostly, people are in bars throwing it down. Guns, don't get me started. We don't have free rein with guns here. More and more people are shooting innocents or blacks. It's a sick world my friend. No, not your usual fare. K xx
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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When people drink so many dreadful things happen. When I see American TV mostly, people are in bars throwing it down. Guns, don't get me started. We don't have free rein with guns here. More and more people are shooting innocents or blacks. It's a sick world my friend. No, not your usual fare. K xx
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi Kym (please correct me if I?m wrong)
Yes we have a gun implosion here
Thank you for your wonderful comments and fine review
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Pam. You certainly found a surprise ending - enough to make me query whether the poem's title should really place the focus on the dance hall girl at all. I wonder if that ending came to you when you were halfway through the poem?
In any case, a well-told story in the mold of Frankie and Johnny or The Shooting of Dan McGrew or Bad, Bad Leroy Brown...
Steve
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Pam. You certainly found a surprise ending - enough to make me query whether the poem's title should really place the focus on the dance hall girl at all. I wonder if that ending came to you when you were halfway through the poem?
In any case, a well-told story in the mold of Frankie and Johnny or The Shooting of Dan McGrew or Bad, Bad Leroy Brown...
Steve
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, kiwisteveh. No I knew the ending. I just had to get there. It could not be hurried. I had to actually add a standard or two from what I had. Then I wondered if I should even add more stanzas before the final moment. Thank you for your wonderful comments and nice review
Comment from lyenochka
That's true that there are more acts of violence in places like that. It's too bad that nightclub dancers live such a life and are also in danger for their lives. You told a story well in your rhyming quatrains.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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That's true that there are more acts of violence in places like that. It's too bad that nightclub dancers live such a life and are also in danger for their lives. You told a story well in your rhyming quatrains.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Helen for your nice review
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Hey girl, virtual ten for this one. Wowza, nothing like telling a doozy of a story in a poem. That was exciting and so true of men who feel they need to go out to get smashed and lust over the dancer and make a fool out of himself.
I love the surprise and shock factor you added with this one. Great job, Pam!!
I will have to visit more often. Love, Debi
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hey girl, virtual ten for this one. Wowza, nothing like telling a doozy of a story in a poem. That was exciting and so true of men who feel they need to go out to get smashed and lust over the dancer and make a fool out of himself.
I love the surprise and shock factor you added with this one. Great job, Pam!!
I will have to visit more often. Love, Debi
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Debi. Thank you for the kind words and the nice review
Comment from Wendy G
A well told story in a poem. The descriptions were authentic and vivid, and your rhyme and metre were both carefully and well composed. The image was well chosen to accompany your poem. Very well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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A well told story in a poem. The descriptions were authentic and vivid, and your rhyme and metre were both carefully and well composed. The image was well chosen to accompany your poem. Very well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Wendy for your wonderful comments and fine review
Comment from Michele Harber
I've told you before you're the queen of sharing a story in a poem, and this just helps cement my opinion. I admire the way you're always able to tell a full story, with all the necessary detail, creating vivid characters, and doing it all with perfect rhyme and rhythm. Another great job!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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I've told you before you're the queen of sharing a story in a poem, and this just helps cement my opinion. I admire the way you're always able to tell a full story, with all the necessary detail, creating vivid characters, and doing it all with perfect rhyme and rhythm. Another great job!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Michele. Thank you for the wonderfully kind words and for a nice review
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It's my pleasure, as always. I enjoy reading your work.
Comment from royowen
Who blame a female entertainer for being revolted by such leering, misbehaving ravenous men behaving like half wits, even in my more promiscuous days, I couldn't behave like that. God got hold of me late. Beautifully written Pam, blessings Roy
Suggestion. (To go on break) To take a break?
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Who blame a female entertainer for being revolted by such leering, misbehaving ravenous men behaving like half wits, even in my more promiscuous days, I couldn't behave like that. God got hold of me late. Beautifully written Pam, blessings Roy
Suggestion. (To go on break) To take a break?
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Roy. I took your suggestion. Thank you for making it. Thank you for all of your wonderful support and for a nice review
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Pleasure Pam
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did a fantastic job of crafting a compelling story in perfect rhythm, meter, and rhyme. You introduce the dance hall girl and describe the onlooking men, and then, your well-thought out story builds to an unexpected conclusion. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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You did a fantastic job of crafting a compelling story in perfect rhythm, meter, and rhyme. You introduce the dance hall girl and describe the onlooking men, and then, your well-thought out story builds to an unexpected conclusion. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, LJ. thank you for your wonderful comments and a nice review
Comment from Cindy Decker 3
Pam,
I like your gritty poem about "dancing" bars.
You capture the dirty underbelly some people are attracted to.
The fact the man was shot in the end makes me feel his wife had a right to do so, but I know it's really not the right way to think?
Good luck with this poem.
Cindy
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Pam,
I like your gritty poem about "dancing" bars.
You capture the dirty underbelly some people are attracted to.
The fact the man was shot in the end makes me feel his wife had a right to do so, but I know it's really not the right way to think?
Good luck with this poem.
Cindy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2024
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Hi, Cindy. Thank you for the wonderful comments and a nice review
