Enough
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Enough - Chapter 7"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
19 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I have played a lot of on-line Chess and it can be addictive!
Time has moved on now and Brian is older and drives a car. When youngsters are at the wheel of a car they unfortunately have a tendency to have accidents. This does not sound good at all here Jim. Brian sounds like he is unconscious. Another fine chapter in this obsession about a girl and the rejection of a boy.
Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
  |
I have played a lot of on-line Chess and it can be addictive!
Time has moved on now and Brian is older and drives a car. When youngsters are at the wheel of a car they unfortunately have a tendency to have accidents. This does not sound good at all here Jim. Brian sounds like he is unconscious. Another fine chapter in this obsession about a girl and the rejection of a boy.
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
Thanks so much, Dolly. I appreciate that 6 too. This was a foolish accident for which he will pay for a long time, but maybe something good will come of it eventually.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Not at all good. Brian was in a car accident, and I have a feeling it wasn't minor. I am enjoying this story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I couldn't find any way to improve it.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
 |
Not at all good. Brian was in a car accident, and I have a feeling it wasn't minor. I am enjoying this story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I couldn't find any way to improve it.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
You're right. Nothing good about it for now, but you never can tell what might eventually happen that wouldn't have. I guess you take what life gives you and try to make the best of it.
Comment from Sallyo
Oh dear- trouble with a capital T. The pacing in this is still good, but I think the chapter would be just as good without the Little Did I Know piece in italics. Foreshadowing is sometimes seen as old-fashioned when it's done so plainly.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
Oh dear- trouble with a capital T. The pacing in this is still good, but I think the chapter would be just as good without the Little Did I Know piece in italics. Foreshadowing is sometimes seen as old-fashioned when it's done so plainly.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
Trouble alright, and he will be paying for it for a long time. I appreciate your remarks about the pacing and foreshadowing.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes, Brian really is stupid having his obsession cooled, but not knowing how being intoxicated one can be, I can see how one can wreck one's life so very quickly, well done, a terrific episode, that could have been me at that age, beautifully written Jim, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
Oh yes, Brian really is stupid having his obsession cooled, but not knowing how being intoxicated one can be, I can see how one can wreck one's life so very quickly, well done, a terrific episode, that could have been me at that age, beautifully written Jim, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
He's made so many mistakes, and now he'll pay the price. He will certainly rue this day for a long time.
-
Hopefully he will learn, putting the past behind is hard if one keeps doing them
Comment from Wayne Fowler
This is hard to read - the ending of this segment, that is. No one wants this kind of tragedy in their lives.
I was a bit surprised that Brian arrived at the party so late that others had already been there long enough to be ready to leave. I would have expected Brian to rush over at the first opportunity.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
This is hard to read - the ending of this segment, that is. No one wants this kind of tragedy in their lives.
I was a bit surprised that Brian arrived at the party so late that others had already been there long enough to be ready to leave. I would have expected Brian to rush over at the first opportunity.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
The party has probably been going on all afternoon. No parents, no invitations, just show up and leave when you want.
Brian will rue this day for a long time.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, what a chapter, Jim! And you've moved the pace up a gear with credible inevitability. As soon as he started smoking weed and drinking he was always going to transform into his more daringly obnoxious alter ego. And typically threatened by others gaining more favour with Sandi, he was going to react in a way to distance himself still further from the object of his dreams. Now he's really blown it and crashed the car to boot!
Your present-day narration is inspired, providing understanding and overview of Brian's decline. This is a great story, Jim, one of your best, and you've definitely hooked me in for the next chapter. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
Oh wow, what a chapter, Jim! And you've moved the pace up a gear with credible inevitability. As soon as he started smoking weed and drinking he was always going to transform into his more daringly obnoxious alter ego. And typically threatened by others gaining more favour with Sandi, he was going to react in a way to distance himself still further from the object of his dreams. Now he's really blown it and crashed the car to boot!
Your present-day narration is inspired, providing understanding and overview of Brian's decline. This is a great story, Jim, one of your best, and you've definitely hooked me in for the next chapter. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
Thanks so much, Debbie. You are the ideal reviewer. Always so perceptive.
My favorite will probably always be Saving Mr. Calvin, but I do like this better than What We See.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Oh-oh. Driving in the dark. Cannot be a good ending forthcoming. Hope Sandi wasn't hurt.
In all my days I only took two hits of weed. The first was while playing a penny ante poker game 48 hours straight that had me excuse myself after 40 hours to sleep for 36 hours straight, and then when hitchhiking on Kodiak Island when retrieved by a group of hippies in a van with raw m.j. Nothing happened.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
Oh-oh. Driving in the dark. Cannot be a good ending forthcoming. Hope Sandi wasn't hurt.
In all my days I only took two hits of weed. The first was while playing a penny ante poker game 48 hours straight that had me excuse myself after 40 hours to sleep for 36 hours straight, and then when hitchhiking on Kodiak Island when retrieved by a group of hippies in a van with raw m.j. Nothing happened.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
Sandi wasn't in the car so she's ok. Not Brian, though.
'Fraid I had a few more than 2 hits when I was younger.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
A Nehru jacket? Isn't this the 80s? I thought they were popular in the 60s. "bottles of spirits" also threw me - is that what a teenager would say? Booze, maybe?
Oh, dear, I hope he didn't hit someone, but perhaps a tree instead. I can see how this can change his life if he did injure someone. Now I can't wait to read the next chapter!
xo
Pam
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
A Nehru jacket? Isn't this the 80s? I thought they were popular in the 60s. "bottles of spirits" also threw me - is that what a teenager would say? Booze, maybe?
Oh, dear, I hope he didn't hit someone, but perhaps a tree instead. I can see how this can change his life if he did injure someone. Now I can't wait to read the next chapter!
xo
Pam
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
No, this is 2008. The Nehru jacket was retro.
Although this is Brian from 2024 narrating the story of his youth and would know what spirits are, I think you're right that I should use "booze" to make it sound more like he's telling it as if he was back in time. I will change it.
I won't be posting again until Thursday. We're going to the beach for a few days later today.
Comment from Wendy G
Well written, with authentic teenage behaviour, and a very dramatic ending. Well, his big sister will certainly know about this party, especially once the police test him for drug and alcohol content in his blood while driving! This won't be a night of good memories.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
|
Well written, with authentic teenage behaviour, and a very dramatic ending. Well, his big sister will certainly know about this party, especially once the police test him for drug and alcohol content in his blood while driving! This won't be a night of good memories.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2024
-
You're right. It will be a key turning point in his life with far-reaching effects. Some dumb mistakes just end up that way.
