Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Chapter 14 B"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
31 total reviews
Comment from DeboraDyess
Man! I've got a lot of catching up to do! I enjoyed it, even as far behind as I am now.
A couple of things, if I may...
~ still in the states? >> I think 'states' would be capped since it's being used as a name.
~ The conversation between Sami and Mato seems very abrupt. At the end, perhaps have her thank him or him, hope she's okay. I think that might make it feel a bit more fluid.
~ As they climb into the SUV, Sami might say, "We still need to talk" to emphasize that Noah blew her off earlier. It caught me off guard at first and I wondered if she had more to tell him. Or that could be just me! lol
Again, I enjoyed! I didn't catch any errors in the Spanish portions but am a bit rusty, myself. I went to two worship services while on mission trip - one in Arabic (where I wasn't even sure which word was 'Jesus') and one in Spanish. I understood quite a bit more of it than I expected but realized my Spanish is now TERRIBLE! lol
Thanks for sharing this intriguing story!
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
~
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Man! I've got a lot of catching up to do! I enjoyed it, even as far behind as I am now.
A couple of things, if I may...
~ still in the states? >> I think 'states' would be capped since it's being used as a name.
~ The conversation between Sami and Mato seems very abrupt. At the end, perhaps have her thank him or him, hope she's okay. I think that might make it feel a bit more fluid.
~ As they climb into the SUV, Sami might say, "We still need to talk" to emphasize that Noah blew her off earlier. It caught me off guard at first and I wondered if she had more to tell him. Or that could be just me! lol
Again, I enjoyed! I didn't catch any errors in the Spanish portions but am a bit rusty, myself. I went to two worship services while on mission trip - one in Arabic (where I wasn't even sure which word was 'Jesus') and one in Spanish. I understood quite a bit more of it than I expected but realized my Spanish is now TERRIBLE! lol
Thanks for sharing this intriguing story!
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
~
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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I appreciate the help. Thank you for the detailed review. It doesn't take long for our Spanish to get rusty when we don't speak it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I won't be any help with Spanish, sorry. The story reads very well and has added one more thing for Noah to worry about. Why hasn't Sami accepted the proposal of a very rich man who can offer her all the comforts of a princess.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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I won't be any help with Spanish, sorry. The story reads very well and has added one more thing for Noah to worry about. Why hasn't Sami accepted the proposal of a very rich man who can offer her all the comforts of a princess.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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We will find that out on Sunday. Sami does have a good reason for not accepting Mateo's proposal. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Jealousy can be a very bad path to follow in a relationship,, it means that insecurity is at the base, learning to trust is a gift to the trustee, and Noah is doing a good job. I think kidnapping girls and bringing them into prostitution is a terrible thing, beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : we'll (talk) later.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Jealousy can be a very bad path to follow in a relationship,, it means that insecurity is at the base, learning to trust is a gift to the trustee, and Noah is doing a good job. I think kidnapping girls and bringing them into prostitution is a terrible thing, beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : we'll (talk) later.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you for the catch. I appreciate the help.
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Welcome
Comment from Daylily
What a particularly fabulous chapter. It is really hard to beat danger and jealousy showing up together in the same place. Noah is such an admirable character; and, of course, Sami and the rest of the protection team are, too.
Three carats...wow! :-)
Note: There should also be a comma in this sentence after the name
Chen:
"The leader of this ring, Chen got worried I was too close and kidnapped me."
Also:
I've been in his protective custody since. -- either use:
ever since. or since then.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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What a particularly fabulous chapter. It is really hard to beat danger and jealousy showing up together in the same place. Noah is such an admirable character; and, of course, Sami and the rest of the protection team are, too.
Three carats...wow! :-)
Note: There should also be a comma in this sentence after the name
Chen:
"The leader of this ring, Chen got worried I was too close and kidnapped me."
Also:
I've been in his protective custody since. -- either use:
ever since. or since then.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
Comment from lyenochka
Sounds like Noah is keeping his jealousy in check. Perhaps he's more confident about Sami's love for him. It seems risky to go to this rich playboy's house but hopefully it will help the team catch the bad guys!
Comments:
Noah meets Marco (do you mean Mateo?)
coffee company in Columbia (Colombia?)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Sounds like Noah is keeping his jealousy in check. Perhaps he's more confident about Sami's love for him. It seems risky to go to this rich playboy's house but hopefully it will help the team catch the bad guys!
Comments:
Noah meets Marco (do you mean Mateo?)
coffee company in Columbia (Colombia?)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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I sure did on both of them. Thank you for the catch. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Wendy G
This chapter adds a whole new dimension in all their relationships. Noah won't be happy about Mateo's love for Sami, and Mateo won't be happy about her relationship with Noah. Let's hope these complications can be put aside while they find and retrieve the girls and capture the thugs.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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This chapter adds a whole new dimension in all their relationships. Noah won't be happy about Mateo's love for Sami, and Mateo won't be happy about her relationship with Noah. Let's hope these complications can be put aside while they find and retrieve the girls and capture the thugs.
Wendy
Comment Written 30-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Noah needs to take a break and hear was Sami has to say. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lancellot
This is a well written chapter. There were a few things like meeting in person, versus speaking over a secure line that has been done many times before in movies, tv and books. just saying. And, naturally, the rich guy is enamored with Sami. I've mentioned it before, but I recommend watching for repetition is the stories.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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This is a well written chapter. There were a few things like meeting in person, versus speaking over a secure line that has been done many times before in movies, tv and books. just saying. And, naturally, the rich guy is enamored with Sami. I've mentioned it before, but I recommend watching for repetition is the stories.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you for the kind review. This is only part a chapter. I think things will become for clear. Mateo and Sami have know each other for 7 years.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This chapter introduces a whole new layer to your story which provides good contrast with the insular world of protective protection. The Spanish language brings colour and the whole scene has been crafted well to maximum potential as Mateo's cooperation is now enlisted. I can't believe you're building up Mateo's expectations of marriage without there being some kind of showdown between him and Noah. But I may be wrong. A small edit: We('ll) speak Spanish pretty well...
Thanks for sharing, Barbara. Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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This chapter introduces a whole new layer to your story which provides good contrast with the insular world of protective protection. The Spanish language brings colour and the whole scene has been crafted well to maximum potential as Mateo's cooperation is now enlisted. I can't believe you're building up Mateo's expectations of marriage without there being some kind of showdown between him and Noah. But I may be wrong. A small edit: We('ll) speak Spanish pretty well...
Thanks for sharing, Barbara. Debbie
Comment Written 30-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you for the catch. I appreciate the help. This is only part of a chapter, Noah and Mateo's feeling will come out Sunday.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Barbara. I hope you are well
At first, I thought Mateo was going to be the enemy. But it looks like I was wrong. Why do I get the feeling that somebody is going to be the traitor?
It's amazing to me how you can write something so detailed and so long and not make any mistakes. Because believe me I looked for them.
It looks like you're getting ready for a conclusion to this book. I'm not sure about that, but it seems to me that things are heading to the last chapter.
You've done a tremendous job developing your characters and having them stick to their roles
What is BDSM?
Here I'm think you should say
We'll talk later
He glanced at his watch. "We don't have time. We'll later."
I enjoyed reading your chapter
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2024
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Hi, Barbara. I hope you are well
At first, I thought Mateo was going to be the enemy. But it looks like I was wrong. Why do I get the feeling that somebody is going to be the traitor?
It's amazing to me how you can write something so detailed and so long and not make any mistakes. Because believe me I looked for them.
It looks like you're getting ready for a conclusion to this book. I'm not sure about that, but it seems to me that things are heading to the last chapter.
You've done a tremendous job developing your characters and having them stick to their roles
What is BDSM?
Here I'm think you should say
We'll talk later
He glanced at his watch. "We don't have time. We'll later."
I enjoyed reading your chapter
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2024
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The novel is close to half completed. Still a long way to go. BDSM I explained this in an early chapter. BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, this was beautifully written. I so enjoy this story as you well know. I have a couple of suggestions about the Spanish:
"Todos hablamos espanol co fluidez" = "Todos hablamos espanol bastante bien." would sound more natural.
"Gracious por infomarme, Senor" would also sound more natural. A big hug, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2024
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Hi Barbara, this was beautifully written. I so enjoy this story as you well know. I have a couple of suggestions about the Spanish:
"Todos hablamos espanol co fluidez" = "Todos hablamos espanol bastante bien." would sound more natural.
"Gracious por infomarme, Senor" would also sound more natural. A big hug, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 30-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2024
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Thank you. I've made the corrections.
