Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Gift"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
21 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
An excellent chapter and incredible ending in more ways than one. The story flows well from scene to scene. Theo isn't used to being an observer, but he provides good detailed description about what he observes.
He asks a good question of Thanatos. I am wondering about his use of 'buddy' to refer to Theo. Would that be part of his natural speech? Knowing what is asked of Theo, the scene where he says goodby to Nifty before he begins his mission is very touching.
At first I thought he had to give up both horses, but it seems like it was one. But that doesn't make it any easier. Very well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
  |
An excellent chapter and incredible ending in more ways than one. The story flows well from scene to scene. Theo isn't used to being an observer, but he provides good detailed description about what he observes.
He asks a good question of Thanatos. I am wondering about his use of 'buddy' to refer to Theo. Would that be part of his natural speech? Knowing what is asked of Theo, the scene where he says goodby to Nifty before he begins his mission is very touching.
At first I thought he had to give up both horses, but it seems like it was one. But that doesn't make it any easier. Very well done, my friend.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Hi Pam,
Thank you for the six stars, my friend! This chapter took me a while and it was longer than usual, but it sort of had to be told in one setting. I'm glad it worked well.
Thank you for the suggestion on buddy!!
I'll clarify that Thanatos only asks for Nifty, and not Recovery.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh no!! That is going to hurt Theo a lot. It's more than a feather, much more. But he has no choice. He promised and he has to go through with it, even though he doesn't want to. Now to see what happens next. At least he knows his Adam and Hermes are safe. Oh dear. This is going to break Theo's heart, giving up his beloved horse. I'll have to wait for the next chapter. Wonderful chapter, my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
Oh no!! That is going to hurt Theo a lot. It's more than a feather, much more. But he has no choice. He promised and he has to go through with it, even though he doesn't want to. Now to see what happens next. At least he knows his Adam and Hermes are safe. Oh dear. This is going to break Theo's heart, giving up his beloved horse. I'll have to wait for the next chapter. Wonderful chapter, my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Hi Sandra,
Thank you for the six stars, my friend!! I know I was way past Sunday posting, but I've had house guests and they aren't as understanding as my poor husband about me disappearing for long lengths of time to edit, lol.
Yes, poor Theo had to give up Nifty. He always knew it would be something valuable. The feather thing was just to add some irony and because it wasn't Hermes' quest.
Thanks again,
much love,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter,
Rhonda, and another fine mess you've scribed Theo into. Will he figure out a way to cheat death and keep his immortal horse. All will be revealed in the next exciting chapter of The Return to Conchorde Valey
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
 |
Another fine chapter,
Rhonda, and another fine mess you've scribed Theo into. Will he figure out a way to cheat death and keep his immortal horse. All will be revealed in the next exciting chapter of The Return to Conchorde Valey
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Lol, thank you Mike. I love your reviews!!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, here goes my last six. It was a wonderful chapter and a formidable one. Everything seemed to be going fine but the danger is as great as ever. A big hug, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
Hi Rhonda, here goes my last six. It was a wonderful chapter and a formidable one. Everything seemed to be going fine but the danger is as great as ever. A big hug, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Hi Ulla,
Thank you so much for the six stars, my friend!! You're always there for me!!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh brilliant ending, Rhonda! I always wondered what the gift would be and, boy, did you get drama into that. I think my blood ran cold too. This chapter is utterly superb. It can get a bit confusing for me with too many characters but this was a great opportunity to focus on Theo and see him transform into a true hero. Very well done! Just a few tiny edits below:
Theo glanced (in? ) the direction he indicated...
his feet (,) outcroppings...
their faces impas(s)ive
the two men who(,) in their own realm,
Great job! Debbie xo
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
Oh brilliant ending, Rhonda! I always wondered what the gift would be and, boy, did you get drama into that. I think my blood ran cold too. This chapter is utterly superb. It can get a bit confusing for me with too many characters but this was a great opportunity to focus on Theo and see him transform into a true hero. Very well done! Just a few tiny edits below:
Theo glanced (in? ) the direction he indicated...
his feet (,) outcroppings...
their faces impas(s)ive
the two men who(,) in their own realm,
Great job! Debbie xo
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Hi Debbie,
Thank you so much for the six stars. I know it was late posting, and I appreciate the extra on the stars, and for finding the spag. I did try and narrow the characters down these last few chapters to focus on their individual traits. And, as Theo is one of my main two, I figured he needed more character development.
Thanks so very much,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
No!!! Not Nifty!!! I guess Theo doesn't have a choice. His valley is at stake. I know he'll do it, but I am hoping somehow something will work out. It just has too. I really like this story.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
No!!! Not Nifty!!! I guess Theo doesn't have a choice. His valley is at stake. I know he'll do it, but I am hoping somehow something will work out. It just has too. I really like this story.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
I know, right? I've actually had it planned all along, and have foreshadowed it a few times. It was the only thing he loved more than Echo, lol, well and his other family members...
Thank you so very much for the six stars my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Sally Law
Oh, this was beyond great and so well-written, my friend. I was glued from beginning to end. It read wonderfully with my reader too. Not a flaw could be detected. There's so much here and the suspense continues with the gift of the only immortal horse! I can't imagine Thanatos and Hypnos with immortal flight. Double Yikes!
A beautifully crafted and illustrated addition to your fine book.
Sending you my best today as always, Rhonda dear, and love and blessings across the bridge.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
Oh, this was beyond great and so well-written, my friend. I was glued from beginning to end. It read wonderfully with my reader too. Not a flaw could be detected. There's so much here and the suspense continues with the gift of the only immortal horse! I can't imagine Thanatos and Hypnos with immortal flight. Double Yikes!
A beautifully crafted and illustrated addition to your fine book.
Sending you my best today as always, Rhonda dear, and love and blessings across the bridge.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Dear, dear Sally,
Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, my friend!! I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement as well. You are always so supportive and this is no exception. Thank you for being my champion,
Much love,
Rhonda
Comment from A.Z. Schott
An interesting approach to Greek mythology. It has a Percy Jackson feel as your protagonist deals with immortals during a modern world setting.
You clearly have a strong knowledge base for Greek mythology, but you don't need to dump it all out into a single chapter.
You're eager to give explanatory context to your characters, but consider instead of telling your readers who your characters are, allow them to see for themselves through the characters' actions and dialogue.
When you took time to establish the idiosyncratic head tilt of your character, Thanatos, that was awesome! You gave your character a quirk that made him more organic, and you revisited it later allowing your protagonist to identify him.
Do more of that! Describe body language. Use imagery to put your reader right next to your protagonist. What does he see? Taste? Touch? Smell?
I think this could be a great story. Thank you for sharing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
 |
An interesting approach to Greek mythology. It has a Percy Jackson feel as your protagonist deals with immortals during a modern world setting.
You clearly have a strong knowledge base for Greek mythology, but you don't need to dump it all out into a single chapter.
You're eager to give explanatory context to your characters, but consider instead of telling your readers who your characters are, allow them to see for themselves through the characters' actions and dialogue.
When you took time to establish the idiosyncratic head tilt of your character, Thanatos, that was awesome! You gave your character a quirk that made him more organic, and you revisited it later allowing your protagonist to identify him.
Do more of that! Describe body language. Use imagery to put your reader right next to your protagonist. What does he see? Taste? Touch? Smell?
I think this could be a great story. Thank you for sharing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Thank you so much for your review and for taking time to leave your comments,
Rhonda
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, davisr
The grammar in this is impeccable. I've reviewed a lot bigger stories or chapters and found a lot that I could document that would help improve the work.
But in your case, you save me a lot of time. Thank you.
So I can only address the quality of the work. There, I also found no issues.
I've read a few chapters now and I feel like I might be finally catching up. It's hard to get all those characters straightened out until you've been in the series for a while.
Here I think who rather than that -who tends to her
" Theo, from mysterious origins that tends to her while searching for help."
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
Hi, davisr
The grammar in this is impeccable. I've reviewed a lot bigger stories or chapters and found a lot that I could document that would help improve the work.
But in your case, you save me a lot of time. Thank you.
So I can only address the quality of the work. There, I also found no issues.
I've read a few chapters now and I feel like I might be finally catching up. It's hard to get all those characters straightened out until you've been in the series for a while.
Here I think who rather than that -who tends to her
" Theo, from mysterious origins that tends to her while searching for help."
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Pam, thank you so much for your lovely comments. I'm glad you couldn't find any flaws and I do hope you are enjoying the content.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Monica Chaddick
This was an interesting story. It grips the reader and draws them in. I like how you interspersed dialogue along with descriptive narrative. The artwork is interesting and makes the reader want to see what it is all about.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
|
This was an interesting story. It grips the reader and draws them in. I like how you interspersed dialogue along with descriptive narrative. The artwork is interesting and makes the reader want to see what it is all about.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
-
Monica,
Thank you so much for taking time and effort to review. I'm glad you found it gripping.
Take care,
Rhonda