DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 17"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
21 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I completely understand struggling to find a place to break some chapters up for posting on FanStory. I've had that problem. It is a very good read. Julia's mother is a pain in the butt. Now wonder Julia had problems. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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I completely understand struggling to find a place to break some chapters up for posting on FanStory. I've had that problem. It is a very good read. Julia's mother is a pain in the butt. Now wonder Julia had problems. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Barbara. Not only is she Julia's mother, but also her teacher. That's too much exposure to someone as difficult as her.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
a little light makeup - light will do, you don't need a little
I loved this look at Brian meeting the parents, and I think Dad is going to be okay.
Loved the joke - plan to tell it to the crew I'm with this week.
Thanks, Jim.
xo
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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a little light makeup - light will do, you don't need a little
I loved this look at Brian meeting the parents, and I think Dad is going to be okay.
Loved the joke - plan to tell it to the crew I'm with this week.
Thanks, Jim.
xo
Comment Written 20-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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At least Brian may have one ally between them. That mother is a piece of work. No wonder Julia was often a nervous wreck.
One of the cleaner jokes I know.
Comment from tfawcus
You played the characters off against each other nicely here to produce some tension. What a bitch the mother is. I've met some like her! All seems set for the relationship to continue, though.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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You played the characters off against each other nicely here to produce some tension. What a bitch the mother is. I've met some like her! All seems set for the relationship to continue, though.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Tony. A thoroughly disagreeable person that mother is. At least her dad seems to like him.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I agree, there is no where to nicely break this part.
...perhaps a bit ponderously - I looked it up: 1) heavy, 2) clumsy, 3) oppressive. I would be amazed a youth who did not study music would use 'ponderously'.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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I agree, there is no where to nicely break this part.
...perhaps a bit ponderously - I looked it up: 1) heavy, 2) clumsy, 3) oppressive. I would be amazed a youth who did not study music would use 'ponderously'.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Your remark about "ponderously" brings up an interesting point for a writer. Remember that this story is being told by a 32-year old about his past, so the vocabulary he uses to tell it isn't necessarily age-appropriate. The question is, how much do you get into the "role" of the character at the age they are at in the story, or is it okay to keep a little distance from that and narrate it with the benefit of age? Should it be 100% one way or the other, or is some degree of mixture acceptable?
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I forgot that he was 32. I wonder if it's just a FanStory issue (a chapter a week with dozens of other reviews between) or whether you need reminders, or maybe a few other 'ponderouslies' sprinkled in.
Comment from BethShelby
Brian seems to have very good manners and he made an impression on the father. The mother doesn't seem to approve of anything, not even her own family. I surprised they would have asked him questions about his one family and what his plans were for when he finished school. He seems to have a good self image not have let that visit intimidate him.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Brian seems to have very good manners and he made an impression on the father. The mother doesn't seem to approve of anything, not even her own family. I surprised they would have asked him questions about his one family and what his plans were for when he finished school. He seems to have a good self image not have let that visit intimidate him.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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He's a southern boy, remember, so of course he has good manners! Perhaps it's a generalization, but I think southerners stress good manners more highly than in other parts of the country.
Comment from Wendy G
A super chapter and the tension and awkwardness were done very well. What a difficult mother Julia has, determined to make things as hard as possible for Brian. Very well done.
Only one comment about the writing.
"It's Dr. Schmidt, and excuse me, but I don't shake hands with people. I need to protect them." At first I thought she meant protect people, as in not pass on germs, thinking of a doctor. But she was a doctor of music, not a medical doctor. So I didn't get it at first. Can you remove "with people" as firstly, it is unnecessary, and then the "them" has proper reference to her hands.
Wendy
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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A super chapter and the tension and awkwardness were done very well. What a difficult mother Julia has, determined to make things as hard as possible for Brian. Very well done.
Only one comment about the writing.
"It's Dr. Schmidt, and excuse me, but I don't shake hands with people. I need to protect them." At first I thought she meant protect people, as in not pass on germs, thinking of a doctor. But she was a doctor of music, not a medical doctor. So I didn't get it at first. Can you remove "with people" as firstly, it is unnecessary, and then the "them" has proper reference to her hands.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Thanks very much, Wendy, and thanks for your great suggestion. I have removed the unnecessary words.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This was a challenging meeting and I think Brian managed to stand up for himself. Mother's can be a bit awkward where their daughters and concerned. I remember my first meeting with my youngest daughter's boyfriend who soon became her husband. I served tuna steak and it was pan seared and he thought it was too raw for his taste. He never forgot it and often mentions it to this day, fifteen years later!
I enjoyed your posh description of chicken, rise and peas Jim. I also enjoyed the paragraph describing the violin playing too. Tongues in the kissing was a bit forward Jim, ha ha ha, another fine chapter, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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This was a challenging meeting and I think Brian managed to stand up for himself. Mother's can be a bit awkward where their daughters and concerned. I remember my first meeting with my youngest daughter's boyfriend who soon became her husband. I served tuna steak and it was pan seared and he thought it was too raw for his taste. He never forgot it and often mentions it to this day, fifteen years later!
I enjoyed your posh description of chicken, rise and peas Jim. I also enjoyed the paragraph describing the violin playing too. Tongues in the kissing was a bit forward Jim, ha ha ha, another fine chapter, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Thanks so much, Dolly. Amusing story about the tuna steak. Isn't it fun to have family jokes that keep coming up?
The tongues are a little forward, eh? Better prepare yourself then, Dolly; it's going to get a lot more forward than that!
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Oh dear Jim, glad you can't see me blushing then x x x
Comment from Pamusart
Hi Jim
You apologized for the length of this chapter, but I don't think you need to because I was engrossed with it and the time went really fast
I know that Brian was 12 when the first chapter of this was written. It sounds like he's a teenager now. She had to leave the bedroom door open, which shows that her parents are still in charge of her sex life so that would make her 15 or 16 probably.
I played chess at a high level for many years. I was once third in the US. That was back in the early 90s. I'm long since retired from chess I don't even play online. I don't play anywhere at
Here I think sparse is better than spare. You have it in several other places so if you agree should make the change then you should check for all instances. Spare means something altogether different
" wineglass, for dessert. It was a spare but tasty meal. "
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Hi Jim
You apologized for the length of this chapter, but I don't think you need to because I was engrossed with it and the time went really fast
I know that Brian was 12 when the first chapter of this was written. It sounds like he's a teenager now. She had to leave the bedroom door open, which shows that her parents are still in charge of her sex life so that would make her 15 or 16 probably.
I played chess at a high level for many years. I was once third in the US. That was back in the early 90s. I'm long since retired from chess I don't even play online. I don't play anywhere at
Here I think sparse is better than spare. You have it in several other places so if you agree should make the change then you should check for all instances. Spare means something altogether different
" wineglass, for dessert. It was a spare but tasty meal. "
Comment Written 19-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Yep, good guess. They are both 16 now.
Isn't it interesting how tastes and activities or hobbies change over time? I used to really be into watching and listening to baseball in the 80s and 90s, but I haven't watched or listened to a game in years now.
According to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions of the adjective "spare" is: not liberal or profuse, as in a spare writing style. The word has many different uses, including a desirable goal in bowling.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Don't ever apologize for the length of work, especially when it's as engaging and well-constructed as this was. I never ever would have guessed it was that long. It just sailed along effortlessly, making progress, making sense, and making me very happy that I was reading it.
Why does there always have to be one parent who's so much less cordial? (Just like in Real Life!!) You drew the father and mother beautifully. I could see them and sense their demeanors easily.
Very well done, Jim. I'm thoroughly enjoying this book. xoxox
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Don't ever apologize for the length of work, especially when it's as engaging and well-constructed as this was. I never ever would have guessed it was that long. It just sailed along effortlessly, making progress, making sense, and making me very happy that I was reading it.
Why does there always have to be one parent who's so much less cordial? (Just like in Real Life!!) You drew the father and mother beautifully. I could see them and sense their demeanors easily.
Very well done, Jim. I'm thoroughly enjoying this book. xoxox
Comment Written 19-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Rachelle. It's very gratifying to hear that it was engaging. You can see why Julia is a little uptight with a mother (and violin teacher) like that.
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Ohhhh yes!! I had a mother like that, too, actually. When I returned home from taking the SAT's, she was waiting for me on our front porch steps. Her first words were, "Wellllll?" With absolute fear, I said, "I'm not sure, but I think I missed one on the Math." She gave me a look of unbridled disgust and said, "Well, let's hope not." Then she turned and trounced into the house. (Thankfully, I didn't miss any - or gawd knows I'd have heard about it for the rest of my life!! So I can VERY easily identify with Julia's angst!
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Sorry to hear that, Rachelle. Must have put an awful lot of pressure on you. So unnecessary and harmful.
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Exactly.
Comment from lyenochka
It didn't feel too long. You had to cover the uncomfortable meeting with Julia's parents. Poor kid - no wonder she fell into addiction with a cold family like that. Her father clearly needed to have some humor in his life! I'm sure it will be a lot more fun for Julia to meet Fran.
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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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It didn't feel too long. You had to cover the uncomfortable meeting with Julia's parents. Poor kid - no wonder she fell into addiction with a cold family like that. Her father clearly needed to have some humor in his life! I'm sure it will be a lot more fun for Julia to meet Fran.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2024
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I'm so glad it was engaging enough not to feel its length, Helen. I love it when I can get engrossed in a story and not think about how long it might be. You're right about Julia meeting Fran.