Detour
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "End of the Road "Two very real women in not so real situation.
24 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
This was good. Is it the end of the story or what? Sounds funny for a bunch of strange girls. Thanks for the trip.
Looking forward to where you are going, soon.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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This was good. Is it the end of the story or what? Sounds funny for a bunch of strange girls. Thanks for the trip.
Looking forward to where you are going, soon.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Getting close to the end but not there yet. Couple more chapters. Thank you so much. Gretchen
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Gretchen.
I remember Jane and what a lovely person she is. However, my favorite sentence in the story is, "The Sea Air is laced with diesel and expensive cologne." I cracked up when I read that one. I love reading poetry and prose while I look for the outstanding phrases or sentences that cause the story to stand out in my mind. That is a dandy one. This chapter is well done, and caused me to laugh out loud as I read it. Good job.
Robert
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Hello Gretchen.
I remember Jane and what a lovely person she is. However, my favorite sentence in the story is, "The Sea Air is laced with diesel and expensive cologne." I cracked up when I read that one. I love reading poetry and prose while I look for the outstanding phrases or sentences that cause the story to stand out in my mind. That is a dandy one. This chapter is well done, and caused me to laugh out loud as I read it. Good job.
Robert
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this. Gretchen
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm really enjoying your road trip, but that's because I don't have to ride with Jane in the back seat. I couldn't wait for you to get to Atlantic City. I spent my life just across the bridge in Philadelphia. Every summer my husband and I spent a week in Atlantic City. On the road leading into the city are large billboards advertising casinos, shows, and restaurants, just as you described. And the sea air opens your nasal passages.
I'm looking forward to descriptions of the convention, probably at the Convention Center. This story idea is great fun.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I'm really enjoying your road trip, but that's because I don't have to ride with Jane in the back seat. I couldn't wait for you to get to Atlantic City. I spent my life just across the bridge in Philadelphia. Every summer my husband and I spent a week in Atlantic City. On the road leading into the city are large billboards advertising casinos, shows, and restaurants, just as you described. And the sea air opens your nasal passages.
I'm looking forward to descriptions of the convention, probably at the Convention Center. This story idea is great fun.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much. I'm glad we finally made it. Hopefully I'll see you there. Lol. Gretchen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is amusing and I hope there is more. Surely Jane is going to spend her time trying to embarrass the two of you or getting herself into trouble that you end up feeling you have to save her from.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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This is amusing and I hope there is more. Surely Jane is going to spend her time trying to embarrass the two of you or getting herself into trouble that you end up feeling you have to save her from.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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You know Jane is going to try to one up this low down Dixie chick. Lol. Thank you so much. Gretchen
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It is so sweet of Rachelle to stick up for you like this and Jane deserves to weep. Your kindness towards her has been ignored and an outsider can see who the bigger person is here Gretchen and Jane is last in the pecking order. I loved your metaphors and your delivery is always skilful and talented when you write. I have enjoyed this project as the two of you have delighted us with your skilled posts, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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It is so sweet of Rachelle to stick up for you like this and Jane deserves to weep. Your kindness towards her has been ignored and an outsider can see who the bigger person is here Gretchen and Jane is last in the pecking order. I loved your metaphors and your delivery is always skilful and talented when you write. I have enjoyed this project as the two of you have delighted us with your skilled posts, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Dolly. I'm sure I'll "see" you there. I'm glad you are enjoying this. Gretchen
Comment from Wendy G
Another fun chapter, Gretchen, and well written. I was thinking you were TOO nice, when you convinced Rachelle not to abandon Jane - but perhaps you are as tough as Miranda! lol. Steel on the inside when need be.
I have so enjoyed this journey with your parallel view points.
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Another fun chapter, Gretchen, and well written. I was thinking you were TOO nice, when you convinced Rachelle not to abandon Jane - but perhaps you are as tough as Miranda! lol. Steel on the inside when need be.
I have so enjoyed this journey with your parallel view points.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much, Wendy. I have a vicious little tongue. I'm sure I'll "see" you at the convention. Gretchen
Comment from Esther Brown
Giggling. Loved your just because I am not confrontational doesn't mean I am gullible. This whole story has been a delightful romp. Not a thing would I change about the story but still have a deep feeling you tell two stories....truth behind fiction. I guess that is true of all of us. Esther
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Giggling. Loved your just because I am not confrontational doesn't mean I am gullible. This whole story has been a delightful romp. Not a thing would I change about the story but still have a deep feeling you tell two stories....truth behind fiction. I guess that is true of all of us. Esther
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Some truth, some fiction. Gretchen
Comment from DonandVicki
I got caught up in your humorus flash fiction and got a good laugh out of the "antique rack". A good short flash story that could be fleshed out to a novella.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I got caught up in your humorus flash fiction and got a good laugh out of the "antique rack". A good short flash story that could be fleshed out to a novella.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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It is a novel. Thank you for checking in. Gretchen
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I enjoyed your story. Next time think about using me. We could solve a mystery. Or, hunt down scalliwags and punish them. Of course, I may be too bloody for you. I have a short flash fiction brewing in my frantic head. Guys will not like it. :-)
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I enjoyed your story. Next time think about using me. We could solve a mystery. Or, hunt down scalliwags and punish them. Of course, I may be too bloody for you. I have a short flash fiction brewing in my frantic head. Guys will not like it. :-)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thanks, Karen. I don't usually co-author so this was out of the ordinary for me. Gretchen
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:-)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I'm with your character, Gretchen - I feel sorry for Jane. She has no one, no friends at all. And no confidence, which is even worse.
"spitting the word sorry out like it was a piece of gristle from her steak" - great line!
"just look once more a tinted divider" - do you want "just look once more at a tinted divider"?
"She did what she had to stay in the car" - change to "She did what she had to do to stay in the car"
I've never been to Atlantic City, and honestly thought it was dead. No desire to go there, but I know I will enjoy your narrative.
I love your author's notes; Mafia movies is a great source for information on Atlantic City, lol!
Much enjoyed, Gretchen. See you next week.
xoxo
Pam
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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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I'm with your character, Gretchen - I feel sorry for Jane. She has no one, no friends at all. And no confidence, which is even worse.
"spitting the word sorry out like it was a piece of gristle from her steak" - great line!
"just look once more a tinted divider" - do you want "just look once more at a tinted divider"?
"She did what she had to stay in the car" - change to "She did what she had to do to stay in the car"
I've never been to Atlantic City, and honestly thought it was dead. No desire to go there, but I know I will enjoy your narrative.
I love your author's notes; Mafia movies is a great source for information on Atlantic City, lol!
Much enjoyed, Gretchen. See you next week.
xoxo
Pam
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Pam. Your feedback was excellent. Thank you for the edits as well. Very much appreciated. Gretchen