Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hey Jim,
I'm glad Marie managed to get inside unnoticed. Hopefully she'll have the adrenalin to give the bat a good swing. I wouldn't think it would take a lot of momentum to knock out a person with a bat, but I've never tried, so I don't know. Well done buddy.
Have a blessed day.
Tom

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2025

Thanks, Tom. Yeah, that's something I've never tried either. With a golf club yes, but never a bat. : )

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

A lot happened in this chapter. I couldn't read fast enough. I had a feeling Marie wouldn't stay in the car. I give her credit for staying 20 minutes. That's a long time not knowing what was going on. Hopefully, she can save the day. You're a master of cliffhangers. Again, I can't wait for the next chapter.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2025

Yep, good instincts about Marie, Lorraine.

It's interesting about the cliffhangers. Since FanStory is my main audience, I've tailored my chapters around what most consider a reasonable length (usually 1,200 - 1,800 words), and I write them with that in mind. In my own personal manuscript for the stories, though, I often combine chapters into longer ones and don't break them where I do for posting.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Hooray for Marie! I think she can do it. All she needs to think about is how these awful guys have risked her grandson's life and mother bear instincts will kick in! Great chapter!

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2025

Thanks, Helen. You have more faith in her than Fran does. Will she succeed or be the complete spazz Fran thinks she might be? The next chapter will tell.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Wow, now Marie is in on the act, I'm wondering why Fran hadn't called for back up either, but perhaps Marie could be as quiet as a church mouse enough to swing the odds in her favour, great episode Jim, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

Yep, you've got it exactly, Roy. If Fran had called for backup, we wouldn't get to see how Marie might end up saving the day. This makes for a much more entertaining story, I think.

reply by royowen on 27-Mar-2025

This will paint a completely different Marie, thinking of others more than self, all it takes is a decision,

reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

Marie the hero? Who'd have thought?

reply by royowen on 27-Mar-2025

That's right, just goes to show what love can do.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Ahh I forgot about Marie! She would have to come into her own and prove that she's the best grandmother to little Johnny. It's funny because I always imagined her to be a big woman to match her big personality! I love the conversation between her and Fran: "A head is a pretty big target, Marie. You won't miss unless you're a complete spazz." Superb! Not sure if Marie would have used the phrase: "How did they get the jump on you?" Doesn't sound quite in character even if she's a movie watcher...
But the plan is great (a little Laurel and Hardy with Marie in the frame but I like that:)) Well done, Jim. Your story for keeping your reader on their toes. This is an absolute charm to read! Looking forward to your next chapter (ideal length as well) Debbie
"It's something bab(ie)s need for the inhaler..."

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

Gosh, Debbie, you can't imagine how much your reviews mean to me. You seem to understand and appreciate the spirit I tell my stories in much better than some who review them.

You seem to understand that a story can be entertaining without being 100% true to reality and that some leeway can be granted for the sake of an exciting plot or an interesting one. To be truly authentic takes an extraordinary amount of research and/or expertise by a consultant to the story, and only an author who wants to make a living at writing will be willing to commit to that. How many movies have we seen where the action seems improbable, but are nonetheless entertaining? That's partly why we love reading fiction, because we don't have to be overly-constrained by reality.

That's not to say anything goes, as you rightly pointed out in the last chapter that perhaps Woody shouldn't be so talkative to Fran, which spurred me to change the way that information was presented. But you have a nice way of suggesting changes, and yours always resonate with me, unlike some others who don't seem to get it the way you do.

I am planning yet another sequel to this story, but not right away. My next novel I've half-written already, and it will be very different from any I've written before. The genre will be magical realism and will have an upmarket style (sort of a cross between literary and commercial.) It won't appeal to everyone, especially those who tend to dwell on realism. I'm pretty sure you'll get into the spirit of it, though.

Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter. Go! Marie. I cannot wait to see what happens. There is no question that I am going to keep on reading. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

Yeah, can't quit now or you won't find out if little ole Marie can save the day. Won't have long to wait, though.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I'm smiling at Marie. I can't help it. She may just save the day. LOL I can't wait to rea the next chapter. This is extremely well written. Marie saves the day. LOL

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 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

Thanks so much, Barbara. You wouldn't have thought it of little Marie, would you? Let's see if she can get Fran and Dana out of the pickle they're in.

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

Your story is full of tension and excitement! I really love how you build suspense. The moment when Marie decides to take matters into her own hands feels so real!. I also appreciate the little details like Marie's struggle with the heat in the car. Your writing really draws me in. I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep it up!

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2025

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2025

What a very nice review, Michael. Thank you very much. Things will come to a head in the next chapter as we close in on the end of the story. I hope you'll enjoy the climax.