Comment from royowen

Excellent

I must admit I was a little sorry for Woody, they say that money is the root of all kinds of evil, not all evil but a I part of it. But Fran couldn't take any chances that he would reach his gun, what a great chapter, little Johnny is not out of the woods yet, but safe in Gamma's hands, beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Thanks so much, Roy. I felt a little sorry for Woody too. He started out as a decent guy, but the money corrupted him. You're right too about Johnny; he's not out of the woods yet.

reply by royowen on 31-Mar-2025

Well done

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

Jim,

What a fantastic chapter. I knew the ladies would come to little Johnny's rescue. Marie has one heck of a swing on her. Now to finish the story.

Great job my friend

Cecilia

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Thanks very much, Cecilia. I appreciate your great review. It's not quite over yet. Johnny's been rescued, but was it in time?

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Everybody is safe at this moment. I'm sure Johnny will get his inhaler in time and pretty sure on his way to the hospital just to make sure. I can't wait to see what happens next. Will Brian give up on the trials? Is it too risky??? Great writing.

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 31-Mar-2025

Thank you, Barbara. Interesting question about Brian and the trials. We'll get to see how that goes in the next chapter.

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

Your writing has a intense energy! You kept me hooked with each twist and turn. I love the tension you've built with Marie. You've created a high stakes atmosphere that feels very real. I can't wait to see how it all comes together in the next chapters! Keep it up!

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025

Thanks very much, Michael. Now, if only they've gotten to Johnny in time!

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

... solid enough to cuff Billy to that he couldn't... Change "to" to "so"

Geez, poor Johnny. I'm glad Marie saved the day and that she's there for Johnny, but a puff on an inhaler isn't going to fix him up like nothing ever happened.

Two chapters, huh? I'm curious as to what will happen with Brian's drug testing. I wouldn't put anything past Bib Pharma, including kidnapping and bodily harm.

This was a tense chapter, Jim. Good job!

xo

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025

Thanks so much, Pam. You're right about the puff. It will take more than that. Let's hope they got to him in time.

Comment from Barry Penfold

Excellent

Well written and I liked the buildup to the confrontation with Woody. Obviously, you are getting close to the finish so I might just have to go back and read this from the start. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025

Thanks very much, Barry. You've come in at the climax, but I'm glad you got to read one of the more exciting chapters in the story. Thanks for your great review.

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

Well... you got Johnny rescued. And all three women can be proud.
...and unlocked me down in the basement." - an example of wordiness. The readers know she was in the basement and that she is now free. With Woody about, these words take away from the tension.
"Grandmama Bear was fired up,... - This paragraph leaves us thinking Johnny is in no danger at all.
Dana found their guns in a drawer of the desk and retrieved them... - We would assume that she retrieved the guns. Why else even look for them?
My version :
"Put him down, Woody," said Fran.
"Put your guns away or I'll break his neck."
Boom! Woody's face disappeared in a mass of blood and pulp, Johnny covered with the filth, but secure in Marie's tender, loving arms.
We can easily assume Woody did not intend this outcome.
Best wishes.


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2025

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025

Thanks for your efforts to get me to write more succinctly. Seems like a losing battle, doesn't it?