MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Sam's Place"A Day at Sea World
16 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is another excellent chapter. But one thing bothers me a bit. Apparently, Beth was kidnapped around noon, and the amber alert went out within ninety minutes. Now, you have her arriving at the hideout after dark. Wouldn't "Sam" (doubt that's his real name) want her out of sight much sooner?
I also found one nit: "I [It] might have been a barn once; now it was Sam's hideout, his lair."
Dave M
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
  |
Gayle,
This is another excellent chapter. But one thing bothers me a bit. Apparently, Beth was kidnapped around noon, and the amber alert went out within ninety minutes. Now, you have her arriving at the hideout after dark. Wouldn't "Sam" (doubt that's his real name) want her out of sight much sooner?
I also found one nit: "I [It] might have been a barn once; now it was Sam's hideout, his lair."
Dave M
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
-
Ehgadds! Dave, you're right. He didn't take her all that far away. I'm going to have to adjust that. It doesn't get dark out here in the summer, I mean REAL dark, until after nine, so you're right. Thanks my eagle eyed friend! LOL, I'm off to fix.
Thanks so much
Gayle
Comment from dportwood
showtimebook,
This is a well-written story bringing the crime into the main focus and letting the reader guess at what happens next. Maybe she will find a means of escape after all and she can make a grand escape from Sam's Place.
dportwood
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
|
showtimebook,
This is a well-written story bringing the crime into the main focus and letting the reader guess at what happens next. Maybe she will find a means of escape after all and she can make a grand escape from Sam's Place.
dportwood
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
-
Hi D,
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and hope you'll come back for more. Thanks for the R&R,
Gayle
Comment from Ritsal
Dang, it's a good thing I called 911 when I did. I knew this guy was a creep. How could Beth be so foolish? Tsk tsk
half way = halfway according to M-W
Twelve[-]year[-]old confidence
I might have been a barn once = It might
Great chapter.
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
|
Dang, it's a good thing I called 911 when I did. I knew this guy was a creep. How could Beth be so foolish? Tsk tsk
half way = halfway according to M-W
Twelve[-]year[-]old confidence
I might have been a barn once = It might
Great chapter.
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 13-May-2008
-
Girl, is he creepy or what...shivers. I'll fix the nits, Rita. Thanks for the eagle eye!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from 6422
I enjoyed this piece the dialog flowed well making the characters quite believable.
The description of surrounding is clear and concise making the whole world unfold in front of you
Regards,
John
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
|
I enjoyed this piece the dialog flowed well making the characters quite believable.
The description of surrounding is clear and concise making the whole world unfold in front of you
Regards,
John
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
-
Hi John,
Glad you enjoyed the story, thanks for dropping by.
Gayle
Comment from Korton
When you said you were going to explore your dark side, you weren't kidding. Looks like Beth is in for a rough time. Possibly the worst thing that could happen is for Sam to be captured or killed with Beth locked in the barn in the middle of nowhere. Very well done.
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
|
When you said you were going to explore your dark side, you weren't kidding. Looks like Beth is in for a rough time. Possibly the worst thing that could happen is for Sam to be captured or killed with Beth locked in the barn in the middle of nowhere. Very well done.
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
-
Hey Frank,
Unfortunately there is so much you can pick over in real life for stories like this. I'll never forget watching the security tape of that guy that walked up to a girl walking across a parking lot. He took her arm, they argued a moment and then he dragged her away BUT there was so much more she could have done, including falling on the ground. 125 pounds of dead weight, let alone kicking screaming punching dead weight, is not easy to drag.
Oh dear, nightmares ahead! Thanks for the great comments and your R&R>
Gayle
-
A well executed stomp on the instep works well as does a sharp pencil under the chin and up through the tongue. There are many things that work well for protection that won't get one in trouble.
Comment from Johnny Carwash
Creepy to the nth degree. This book gets better and better. You do one heck of a job at setting the mood here. The second the chapter switches to Sam's place, I already had chills down my spine and then it only got worse as that final part of the chapter finished up. Excellent work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
|
Creepy to the nth degree. This book gets better and better. You do one heck of a job at setting the mood here. The second the chapter switches to Sam's place, I already had chills down my spine and then it only got worse as that final part of the chapter finished up. Excellent work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-May-2008
reply by the author on 12-May-2008
-
Hey Johnny,
You were Johnny on the spot, there!
I'm tickled that you're enjoying this book. It's so encouraging to find a new reader that really likes your stuff.
I appreciate you!
Gayle