MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Got'cha"A Day at Sea World
18 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
OK. Sam did something really stupid, and the State of California has been spared the expense of a trial. This is a good way for him to end. And there was one line I really liked:
"Are we gonna make the sirens go? That'd be way cool." Melissa isn't that badly injured, is she. This is a good line to put in the story.
But now they have to find the two women...
I enjoyed this chapter, it's one of your better efforts, and I couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave M
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Gayle,
OK. Sam did something really stupid, and the State of California has been spared the expense of a trial. This is a good way for him to end. And there was one line I really liked:
"Are we gonna make the sirens go? That'd be way cool." Melissa isn't that badly injured, is she. This is a good line to put in the story.
But now they have to find the two women...
I enjoyed this chapter, it's one of your better efforts, and I couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave M
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Hey Dave,
I'm smiling, my friend, over the sirens comment. Knowing kids the way I do, I can see her saying that. On the other hand, she could be more tramutized than first thought. In any event, I could have the driver say it instead of the kid. I want to see what the other reviewers say. So far, one vote either way!
LOL and hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
fists on [the] wall.
already done so[, and] Ella's right, Jim.
"Are we gonna make the sirens go? That'd be way cool." ...Sorry Gayle but I thought that this line is not quite realistic and out of place. I would expect the little girl to be in a state of shock and frightened. This implies that she seems to be enjoying the ride.
Now that you've killed Sam, the story is getting more complicated and makes me impatient for the next chapter.
Hugs,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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fists on [the] wall.
already done so[, and] Ella's right, Jim.
"Are we gonna make the sirens go? That'd be way cool." ...Sorry Gayle but I thought that this line is not quite realistic and out of place. I would expect the little girl to be in a state of shock and frightened. This implies that she seems to be enjoying the ride.
Now that you've killed Sam, the story is getting more complicated and makes me impatient for the next chapter.
Hugs,
Sylvia
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Hey Sylvia,
So good to see you again. Y'know, the jury is out about what the kid said about sirens. At first, it does seem out of place, but Sam didn't hurt her, scared for sure, but can't you see a kid walking up a slope, seeing the lights flashing, and saying that?
If not, stick to that, and I'll take a talley! LOL, I can easily make the driver say that.
In any event, thanks for the super duper comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Jonez08
Gayle, excellent chapter. Talk about shocking (sam is dead) wow. this brings a whole new theme to the book. I'm waiting patiently to see where you take us from here.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Gayle, excellent chapter. Talk about shocking (sam is dead) wow. this brings a whole new theme to the book. I'm waiting patiently to see where you take us from here.
Cassandra
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Hey Cassandra,
Smiles to you and hope you're having a great weekend.
Thanks for the super comments and your fine review. Yes, now we have to figure out how we're going to find our girls.
Hugs,
Gayle
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Greetings back to you. Yes, I'm having a wonderful weekend, they seem to go so fast. I hope all is well with you.
Cassandra : o )
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Gayle, sometimes I think if I was a better Christian, I would feel sorry for guys like Sam ending up dead wrapped around an old giant oak; then another part says, "What did that poor old oak ever do to him?" The pervert could have given himself up, right, but, of course, he knew what guys in the slammer do to people like him. He was better off dead. Guess I'm not as forgiving as I like to think I am sometimes. Great job.
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Gayle, sometimes I think if I was a better Christian, I would feel sorry for guys like Sam ending up dead wrapped around an old giant oak; then another part says, "What did that poor old oak ever do to him?" The pervert could have given himself up, right, but, of course, he knew what guys in the slammer do to people like him. He was better off dead. Guess I'm not as forgiving as I like to think I am sometimes. Great job.
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Y'know, Jan, that's why we're not God. I felt the same way. I have to admit, he's the first character I've killed that I wasn't sorry.
Vermin!
Thanks so much for the R&R and wonderful comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Mzhurst
Hey, girl,. I'm sorry I've missed the begiining of this one. I have been so freakin' busy trying to meet two deadlines and.... I suck when it comes to deadlines. Good reading with an exciting end to the villian. Now don't tell me he comes back alive.
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Hey, girl,. I'm sorry I've missed the begiining of this one. I have been so freakin' busy trying to meet two deadlines and.... I suck when it comes to deadlines. Good reading with an exciting end to the villian. Now don't tell me he comes back alive.
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Hello, my friend, no, he does not come back! LOL! I've not explored the vampire genre yet, but life is young...or the night is, anyway.
So good to see you again, hope all is well. I know what you mean about deadlines..although I love them. My book comes out on Tue. at least, that's waht they say. And not one of the kids books, no, Secret Lives. Did you get to read any of it? It's the first in this series...this one is third.
Anyway, Jeff did a killer cover, much better than the cover writer for the publisher, and as soon as the book is available for sale, I'm gonna advertise it here, like the other Fanstorians have done.
Are you gonna do that?
Oh, thanks so much for the R&R. I'm just thrilled to see you , so I'm babbling!
Hugs,
Gayle
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No vampires? Damn! LOL
I received a call from one of the Theatre groups in a nearby town asking for a skit. Now mw, who has never written a skit, am doing so. lol
Do you remember one of the Fanstorians (Writingjax)? She has a book advertises on FS called Jaguar, well anyway she came to the Southwest Writing conference. She is really sweet and I really enjoyed her.
No, I didn't catch your book. I swear the older I get the faster I go. I will have a story posted in the next few days though.
Comment from Marjorie D.
Yay! That ^%#((*^&*% is dead. Still, the adventure and suspense is still going strong. Nice going, Gayle!
"Pull over, pull the vehicle over." (II'd recommend: "Pull over. Pull the vehicle over.")
The cruisers pulled to the side of the road and(,) in the distance, another wail of a different tone drew nearer.
...let(')s scope out any roads ...
Marjorie
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Yay! That ^%#((*^&*% is dead. Still, the adventure and suspense is still going strong. Nice going, Gayle!
"Pull over, pull the vehicle over." (II'd recommend: "Pull over. Pull the vehicle over.")
The cruisers pulled to the side of the road and(,) in the distance, another wail of a different tone drew nearer.
...let(')s scope out any roads ...
Marjorie
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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YEAH! I thought we were all about ready to get rid of him! I sure was!
But there's more to come. I'll check into your edit suggestions and thank you very much for them and your supportive comments.
Gayle
Comment from The Cajun
This is well written and good.
You managed to keep the reader hanging.
You have my interest on this. I will need to go back and read some more. It's sad when men do things like this to girls. Glad the chippie's got that one out of the trunk alive.
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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This is well written and good.
You managed to keep the reader hanging.
You have my interest on this. I will need to go back and read some more. It's sad when men do things like this to girls. Glad the chippie's got that one out of the trunk alive.
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Thanks so much for the R&R. I'm glad you liked this one. We're more than half-way through, so I can see you wanting to read earlier. Go ahead, read, but you don't need to review unless you really want to. The bucks are gone by now.
I really appreciate your kind comments and review.
Gayle
Comment from Lokman
In the distance, he saw--suggest getting rid of in the distance andjust use in his rear view mirror
"Are we gonna make the sirens go? That'd be way cool." --for me, this makes me suspend my belief--I'm not sure a girl who's just been abducted, in a wreck, would say something like this.
His face blanched and a little film of sweat popped up on his forehead.--Nice description!!
Hi Gayle,
Great action here and a very good read. Just had a couple of comments but this looks like it's steaming along very very well.
Shea
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reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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In the distance, he saw--suggest getting rid of in the distance andjust use in his rear view mirror
"Are we gonna make the sirens go? That'd be way cool." --for me, this makes me suspend my belief--I'm not sure a girl who's just been abducted, in a wreck, would say something like this.
His face blanched and a little film of sweat popped up on his forehead.--Nice description!!
Hi Gayle,
Great action here and a very good read. Just had a couple of comments but this looks like it's steaming along very very well.
Shea
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2008
reply by the author on 31-May-2008
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Hey Shea,
Y'know, I didn't like that..in the distance...thingy but I couldn't figure out what to do with it. Will tweak that one.
Kids in stress like that will say the weirdest things. Really, let me see if anyone else mentions it.
You're the best and it's always so nice to see you. Thanks so much for the R&R and your comments,
Hugs,
Gayle