MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Firestorm"A Day at Sea World
24 total reviews
Comment from Kym Jade
The girls got out of there hope they come across Audrey and Beth and quick. The blokes and dogs being on foot is a bit of a worry. We know how fires can change direction, after our fire we came across small areas that hadn?t been bunt at all. The girls better keep their heads.
Love and blessings
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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The girls got out of there hope they come across Audrey and Beth and quick. The blokes and dogs being on foot is a bit of a worry. We know how fires can change direction, after our fire we came across small areas that hadn?t been bunt at all. The girls better keep their heads.
Love and blessings
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Metcha Ladies!
This is a fine mess they're gotten into this time. I think it's going to take more than Tony this time. Really appreciate the R&R, that beautiful sixer there, and your support. You girls are the best.
Much love,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Horribly realistic and frightening, Gayle. Have you had this fire storm experience? Those poor girls and the guys who are searching for them. Extremely well done chapter.
Suggestions:
[Fire balls] of dead tree limbs shot into the air like firecrackers, hurling burning embers in all directions.
showed trees exploding, sending chunks of [trees==>wood] high in the air
Renie
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Horribly realistic and frightening, Gayle. Have you had this fire storm experience? Those poor girls and the guys who are searching for them. Extremely well done chapter.
Suggestions:
[Fire balls] of dead tree limbs shot into the air like firecrackers, hurling burning embers in all directions.
showed trees exploding, sending chunks of [trees==>wood] high in the air
Renie
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Hey Renie,
Yeah, it's about as scary as it gets cause fire is so unpredictible. I've never been directly involved, but even watching from a safe distance makes your heart pound.
Excellent edits, will fix. Thanks muchly!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from davidray
Well done, Gayle. YOu're develooping the plot very nicely. Great dialogue between the 2 gals and the descriptions are terrirific.
A couple small nits for your consideration, please:
-By three-thirty(,) the fire had consumed
-sending chunks of trees high in the air then ending in fiery showers. (...high in the air before ending in a fiery shower.)
-it spread at a rapid pace (Though nothing wrong with this, Gayle, I'm wondering if it's better in this case just to say 'it spread rapidly.')
-They limped over to the site, feet on fire, and called again. (We know their feet aren't really on fire, right? They're hot, no doubt, and sore.)
-For the next several moments they concentrated [up]on keeping it down
Keep up the fantastic job and keep hiking!
Hugs till later,
David
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Well done, Gayle. YOu're develooping the plot very nicely. Great dialogue between the 2 gals and the descriptions are terrirific.
A couple small nits for your consideration, please:
-By three-thirty(,) the fire had consumed
-sending chunks of trees high in the air then ending in fiery showers. (...high in the air before ending in a fiery shower.)
-it spread at a rapid pace (Though nothing wrong with this, Gayle, I'm wondering if it's better in this case just to say 'it spread rapidly.')
-They limped over to the site, feet on fire, and called again. (We know their feet aren't really on fire, right? They're hot, no doubt, and sore.)
-For the next several moments they concentrated [up]on keeping it down
Keep up the fantastic job and keep hiking!
Hugs till later,
David
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hi David,
Great ideas. I give you my word of honor, I'm editing on the ms. I'm so far along, I'd rather take time on perfecting the final draft, but your suggestions and editing ideas are fab and I'm using them. Just wanted you to know that. I will edit here, but it's probably be in a couple of weeks.
You're the best,
Gayle
Comment from TomandOma
And now a wildfire! Wow! You've built the tension all the way in skilled style. While WE knew there was a wildfire, Beth and Audry didn't, creating more stress. Good stuff!
BTW, I don't play with Evil Eddie either, and some day I'm going to figure out how to keep all my quote marks from turning into question marks. What appears on the page is far different than what I type.
See you in our next. Hugs, Spike
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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And now a wildfire! Wow! You've built the tension all the way in skilled style. While WE knew there was a wildfire, Beth and Audry didn't, creating more stress. Good stuff!
BTW, I don't play with Evil Eddie either, and some day I'm going to figure out how to keep all my quote marks from turning into question marks. What appears on the page is far different than what I type.
See you in our next. Hugs, Spike
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hey Spike,
Old Eddie, never again. Y'know I try to keep my chapters short and 'reader friendly' on here, but I had one chapter...where the kids are watching the show and Yoli hits that fence, remember? Well, I took a chance, got in the italics...lots of internal thinking going on in that chapter. Dear Lord, I hit post and the chapter was infested with "?'s". Really and truly, I thought I'd lose my mind. I dismantled the post...lost my bucks, btw, and repasted the whole thing...then had to explain, ad nauseum, that the ms had italics. What a nightmare.
LOL, I'm still not over it, as you can tell!
Thanks a bunch, Sis, talk soon,
Hugs,
Annabelle. Say, did you get my email?
Comment from Johnny Carwash
Excellent chapter, Gayle. Reading your work is the perfecy way to end the day. You're an exceptional writer who never fails to deliver.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Excellent chapter, Gayle. Reading your work is the perfecy way to end the day. You're an exceptional writer who never fails to deliver.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hi Johnny,
Well, what a nice thing to say...and what a nice thing to wake up to first thing in the morning. I'm so glad you're enjoying! It's gonna get HOT! LOL!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Even more complicated. At this rate, the girls and rescue team are heading to be trapped in the very core of the fire. At least the girls were able to find clothing, food and drink. Good show. More action is expected I think. No major SPAGs this time.
Happy writing
Sylvia
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Even more complicated. At this rate, the girls and rescue team are heading to be trapped in the very core of the fire. At least the girls were able to find clothing, food and drink. Good show. More action is expected I think. No major SPAGs this time.
Happy writing
Sylvia
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hello Sylvia,
Thanks so much for continuing to read along. I really appreciate that and your kind comments as well,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Max Edon
I enjoyed this chapter. It was very gripping. The descriptions of the fire in the opening paragraphs was excellent. The story is getting exciting.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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I enjoyed this chapter. It was very gripping. The descriptions of the fire in the opening paragraphs was excellent. The story is getting exciting.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hey Max,
So nice to see you again and I appreciate your R&R and kind comments. Glad you enjoyed.
Gayle
Comment from Jonez08
uh oh, another wonderful chapter Gayle. Well written and as usual lots of imagery and entertainment. Something tells me its not over yet.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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uh oh, another wonderful chapter Gayle. Well written and as usual lots of imagery and entertainment. Something tells me its not over yet.
Cassandra
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hey Cassandra,
Glad you liked this one...more fun and daring rescues to come!
Thanks so much and have a great weekend,
Gayle
Comment from butterflykiss
Oh I could smell the smoke, and feel the fear the girls were starting to feel. I could taste the raw hotdogs, anything when you are hungry. You have a page turner here my friend and doing a great job of put the emotions into words so we can see,feel, and smell them.
Good luck.
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Oh I could smell the smoke, and feel the fear the girls were starting to feel. I could taste the raw hotdogs, anything when you are hungry. You have a page turner here my friend and doing a great job of put the emotions into words so we can see,feel, and smell them.
Good luck.
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2008
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Hello my little friend, you must give me a name..I feel I know you!
Anyway, I'm thrilled you liked this chapter. I love to write stuff like this, and hey, hotdogs really are only bologna..right? Aargh, hat'em hot!
thanks so much for the grand review,
Gayle
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Hello,
My name is Jane, and old enough to have four great-grandchildren. You story is very good I liked it very much, I just read the last two chapters you posted. They were great.
Good luck on all your writing.
Butterflykiss
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Hi Jane, I'm Gayle.
I must say, the word 'butterflykiss' brings back old memories. I remember when I'd bring my eye right against my kid's cheek and bat my eyelashes and give them a butterfly kiss. That's why I immediately thought you were a youngster. And you are, at least at heart, right?
Your reviews make me smile. So nice to know you!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Hello,
For me it was my mother telling me when I was a little girl that when a butterfly landed on you that was God sending you a kiss. I told my kid and grandchildren the same thing. I hope to tell my greatgrand children the same thing, but I've never seen them other than pictures. The grandchildren live so far away, and they don't seem to want or need the family connection like I did. Things are in some way to different from the old that it makes me very sad at times.
Butterflykiss
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. Maybe not quite a six-star, but the book, taken as a whole, certainly is a six-star. I've enjoyed reading it, and I feel like we're approaching the last crisis. Yeah, now even the characters smell smoke.
I found several small nits:
"The smell of fire [had] set off the dog's nerves and for the past hour or so, she became [had become] more and more agitated, often nudging Ella's hand and whining."
"Terry's cell rang and she picked it up, not taking her eyes off the road for a moment. "What?" Are Terry and Ella in separate cars? If so, you might want to make this clear.
"We've got a big one and its [it's] split up, so the girls had to leave that little mall."
Dave M
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. Maybe not quite a six-star, but the book, taken as a whole, certainly is a six-star. I've enjoyed reading it, and I feel like we're approaching the last crisis. Yeah, now even the characters smell smoke.
I found several small nits:
"The smell of fire [had] set off the dog's nerves and for the past hour or so, she became [had become] more and more agitated, often nudging Ella's hand and whining."
"Terry's cell rang and she picked it up, not taking her eyes off the road for a moment. "What?" Are Terry and Ella in separate cars? If so, you might want to make this clear.
"We've got a big one and its [it's] split up, so the girls had to leave that little mall."
Dave M
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
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Hey You! What a wonderful present, perked me right up. I can't thank you enough for the kind comments and continued support for, what is it? Three novels? My, my, what more could I ask? I so appreciated the support, especially on the dark days.
Okay, well, you know me and anything that smacks of passives...had set, had become. No doubt I can reword it so we can both be happy!
Okay, Ella has her Mustang and Terry's driving the guy's SUV. I'll make sure I get that made clear.
Oh my, again, thank you. After that wretched race I doubly appreciate this.
Hugs,
Gayle