MADHOUSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Rescue!"A Day at Sea World
13 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is quite a chapter. I am glad we don't have such firestorms here. But I think this chapter needs a bit of strengthening. You should mention the two girls early on, even if all they do is stay in the boats. Also, at the end, when Jim tripped, fell down and knocked himself out, what was Lenny up to? The dogs pulled Jim into the water as the dock started to burn.
I found one uncorrectable typo:
"Short, sharp, vicious jerks slowly but surely began to pull Jim closed [closer] to the edge of the dock, but not fast enough."
Dave M
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
Gayle,
This is quite a chapter. I am glad we don't have such firestorms here. But I think this chapter needs a bit of strengthening. You should mention the two girls early on, even if all they do is stay in the boats. Also, at the end, when Jim tripped, fell down and knocked himself out, what was Lenny up to? The dogs pulled Jim into the water as the dock started to burn.
I found one uncorrectable typo:
"Short, sharp, vicious jerks slowly but surely began to pull Jim closed [closer] to the edge of the dock, but not fast enough."
Dave M
Comment Written 12-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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Hey Dave,
Thanks for the great R&R and your comments. Fixed that nit...much better now. I appreciate your continued support in this one. More adventure ahead.
Gayle
Comment from Korton
Ah yes, Amy and Tony, the dynamic duo come to the rescue once again. I guess a fire like that would have to be one of the most terrifying things to encounter. Good thing they have the boats, at least, out in the water, smoke would be the greatest danger. Very well done.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
Ah yes, Amy and Tony, the dynamic duo come to the rescue once again. I guess a fire like that would have to be one of the most terrifying things to encounter. Good thing they have the boats, at least, out in the water, smoke would be the greatest danger. Very well done.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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Hey Frank,
Yep, whenever I can use them I do. Love those dogs.
I would imagine it would be hard to beat fire when it comes to fear factor. They do have the boats, so things culd be worse. We'll see!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Johnny Carwash
Another great, exciting chapter, Gayle. This story never fails in keeping me riveted to my seat. Looking forward to reading more soon. :)
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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
Another great, exciting chapter, Gayle. This story never fails in keeping me riveted to my seat. Looking forward to reading more soon. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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Hey Johnny, thanks so much for the fine comments and your super review. I'm off to write moer!
Gayle